


Only Time Can Save Us

by Elusive_Soul



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adventure & Romance, F/M, Hogwarts, Love, Magic, Time Travel, Time Turner
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-05-18 04:00:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 60,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14845296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elusive_Soul/pseuds/Elusive_Soul
Summary: Meddling with the Time is a very dangerous thing. The consequences for those who don't obey Time-Travelling rules could be devastating.Hermione Granger knew that very well, but when things got really bad, she found herself wishing that she could just go back and fix everything. After all, it was hard to imagine that anything could be worse than watching her friends die one by one and waiting for death to take her as well.She didn't expect her wish to actually come true, but when she wakes up in a completely different era, she realizes that you really have to be careful what you wish for.





	1. Chapter 1

Hermione dodged another spell that had been sent in her direction and immediately countered the attack, her muscles screaming from exertion, while sweat trickled down her forehead, mixing with blood covering her face. She didn't even know if the blood belonged to her or someone else. It was nearly impossible to tell, considering the amount of lifeless bodies lying on the ground, all of them massacred and violated.

" _Stupefy",_ she yelled with force, but the movement of her wand came a bit later, along with the incantation chanted in her head, which turned out to be enough to break the Shield charm casted by her opponent in order to stop her spell. 

It took only a moment for him to fall down on the ground with a loud thump, that almost disappeared amid the roaring sounds of the battle. Hermione felt relief washing over her body, when once again she managed not to _die_. She knew though, that she had to keep moving. Her friends were still out there or so she hoped. There was nothing of bigger importance than saving Ron and Harry, especially the latter. As long as he lived, there still was a chance that somehow they'll get to see yet another day, that maybe they could somehow stop the unimaginable force and cruelty of Voldemort's army.

Her legs were nearly giving out, not being able to hold her weight anymore, but she knew that if she stopped, she would be as good as dead. Various curses and jinxes  constantly flew over her head and only sheer luck prevented her from being hit by one of them. She didn't have time to dwell on it, though. She kept going, ignoring the blurriness of her eyes and the darkness that threatened to overtake her any second. None of those things truly mattered.

The Great Hall took her breath away, but this time it didn't have anything to do with its undeniable beauty. The floor was covered with bodies, staring back at her with their empty eyes, filled with nothing but a void that only death could bring. The sight stretching before her eyes was the most dreadful thing she had ever seen. Her eyes filled with tears making her vision even more blurry, but it didn't matter anymore.

She had failed. It was too late and everyone had died. Voldemort had officially won, and there was nothing she could do, except for staring at the dead body of her best friend, Harry Potter and the silhouette of Tom Marvolo Riddle who stood over him, laughing hysterically.

"No.... Please, no...", she whimpered, allowing her legs to finally give way, as she collapsed to the floor.

Lord Voldemort stopped laughing, noticing her arrival and opening his arms as though he wanted to welcome her into his embrace.

"Ah, finally, the last missing part of the  _Golden Trio_. I'm delighted that you decided to join us. I was just looking for something I could give as a reward to my lovely Bellatrix here. What do you think, my dear? Is that mudblood sufficient?"

Dark Lord's high-pitched voice was cold and terrifying, but it still wasn't enough to make Hermione feel anything but that overwhelming pain eating up her soul. ' _So Ron is dead too?',_ she thought with agony, her cries getting louder and more uncontrolled. Oh, Merlin... How did it happen? How could both of her boys be dead, after all that had happened? After everything she'd done to save them, how could they just leave her here alone?

"Oh, yes, my Lord, this filthy mudblood is the perfect gift for me".

Hermione forced herself to tear her eyes away from Harry's dead body and face the woman who caused her so much pain. She could almost feel the scar on her forearm burning, just as though it recognized its maker. How could it be that this vile woman, this fucked up lunatic could still be alive, when everyone Hermione cared about was gone?

Even though just a second ago she felt completely dead inside, she knew that giving up wasn't the option. She would die fighting and do everything in her power to take that bitch with her, even if that meant getting out of her own grave that seemed to be ready for her even now.

Hermione stood up and clutched her wand fiercely, shutting off the pain consuming her body. She had to hold on just a little longer. Maybe the Death Eaters had a massive advantage, but the castle wasn't dead yet and there still might have been someone to help her.

"I am going to kill you, Mudblood. But before I do it, I'm going to have so much fun with you".

Bellatrix's laugh always sounded as it was coming straight from hell, making everyone run for their lives. This time it was different, though. Hermione felt as a new surge of power washed over her half-dead body, making her determined to give this bitch a decent fight.

"Not if I kill you first", she stated, forcing her voice to sound as tough as  possible.

She may have even succeeded, but it didn't seem to make any difference to Bellatrix, who watched Hermione with a predatory smile. It took her only a quarter of a second to raise her wand and cast the first spell. She was so quick, that Hermione barely got out of the way in time, ducking to her left and immediately casting a counter-attack.

It took only few minutes to know that Bellatrix was going to be the winner of the duel. She was unbelievably fast and nowhere near as tired as the girl she was fighting against. Few more spells were enough to break Hermione's defenses and send her flying through the wall of the Great Hall with a scream of pure agony. Her eyesight went black for a second, as pain once again invaded her body, this time with twice the force. She couldn't even breathe, not speaking about getting herself up and returning to the abandoned fight.

 _That's it. This is how I die_ , she thought to herself and felt tears rolling down her cheeks in an act of powerlessness.

She had failed once again, not being able to avenge the death of her friends, not being able to do anything to reverse the outcome of the battle. Her eyes fluttered open and she forced herself to stare at the body lying next to her. A girl... Younger than her, violated and left for everyone to see. Hermione closed her eyes, terrified and defeated. She started to feel glad that death was coming for her, because she couldn't imagine living her life after seeing all these horrors, that were now embedded into her mind for eternity. She  _wanted_ to die.

Bellatrix's footsteps grew nearer and Hermione noticed that Voldemort apparently couldn't be bothered with watching her die as he clearly stayed inside the Great Hall, basking in his glory over Harry's dead body. Even though normally Hermione would see that as a chance for her to change the outcome of this very uneven duel, she didn't care anymore. She couldn't bring herself to do so. It was so much easier to just close her eyes and wait for the inevitable.

Her ears told her that the mad woman finally stopped and picked up Hermione's wand, lying next to her hand. A cracking noise that followed was just as painful as hitting the wall of the Great Hall and making a hole in it. Her wand.... Her precious wand, a symbol of her being a witch, snapped in two pieces by the woman that she hated the most.

"Now, little Mudblood, I'm going to have fun with you. But not until I tell you exactly what I am going to do to you. First, I'm going to make you feel so much pain, that you're going to lose that brilliant mind of yours. Then, I'm going to cut each piece of your filthy body and then feed it to the wolves. Or the werewolves... I've heard Greyback going on and on about how much he'd like to taste your filth", she said with excitement and Hermione couldn't help but shiver uncontrollably.

How could someone be so cruel, so disgustingly evil? Her  _brilliant mind_ couldn't find an answer to that question for a very long time, but now she really wished it had. Maybe then she could have saved them all, being able to predict the actions of someone who was as mad as a hatter.

"Leave her alone!", a furious voice sounded in the hallway, causing Hermione to open her eyes immediately.

"Ron?", she whimpered almost inaudibly and started to wonder if she wasn't dead already.

Although she wanted to move and see if she was right, she seemed not to be able to do so. Everything hurt and the floor was slippery from the blood surrounding her.

"Hermione, get up! You fucked up bitch, get away from my girlfriend!", the voice yelled again and this time, Miss Granger had no doubts that it belonged to Ronald Weasley.

"Ron, you have to run, she'll kill you...", she tried again, her voice sounding a little bit stronger, but not enough for him to hear it.

However, it managed to capture the attention of Bellatrix, who kicked her in the stomach, making her gasp for air and cough up blood.

"Quiet, Mudblood. You and I are not finished. I guess you'll just have to wait till I've killed that Blood Traitor of yours"

Ron however seemed to have a different opinion on that matter, as he cast the first spell upon the woman. Even with the pain dulling all of Hermione's senses, she could tell that the boy was doing much better than she had, causing Bellatrix to break a real sweat. He tried to do everything to drag her away from the Great Hall, in hopes that Hermione would get up and run for her life.

His sacrifice almost made her smile. Tears rolled down her cheeks once again, when she realized that his actions were all for nothing, as she wasn't able to move and the darkness was slowly embracing her. She knew that it was the end, but she didn't want to go until she'd seen him for the last time.  _I have to get up_ , she thought to herself and groaned out loud, trying to hoist herself up. Why did it have to be so difficult?

She felt like it took her hours to change position, but when she finally did, she saw Ron casting one spell after another with such force, that Bellatrix couldn't do anything except for shielding herself with panic forming in her dark eyes. Hermione knew that the woman was losing, but it simply didn't seem to be enough as all it would take was one mistake and Ron would be dead, just as Harry and everyone else. ' _I couldn't save Harry. But him I can save_ ', she thought pushing herself off the ground, doing everything in her power not to fall down once again.

Her wand lied on the ground, broken and completely useless, but Hermione knew that she wasn't called the brightest witch of her age for nothing. Mustering all of her remaining strength, she focused on that one, simple incantation that was the signature of her fallen friend and slowly raised her hand.

" _Expelliarmus",_ she merely whispered, but it was enough to disarm a completely surprised woman.

She watched as Bellatrix's wand flown right into her own hand. As soon as it came to contact with Hermione's hand, it forced her to flinch, when the burning sensation spread throughout her arm. The wand was undeniably evil and definitely didn't suit her as the one Hermione had been using since the day she had bought it, but in that moment, she  _needed_ evil.

Ron's spell brought Bellatrix down and Hermione watched with relief as her body fell to the ground, immobilized. She knew though that it wasn't enough. Bellatrix Lestrange didn't deserve to live, not after what she has done. And Hermione wanted nothing more than to kill her with her own wand wielded by the hand of a  _Mudblood_.

"Karma's a bitch", she whispered and raised the wand at the motionless woman.

"Hermione, don't!", Ron yelled and in a blink of an eye he found himself by her side, grabbing her wrist with his own hand. "You can't do this. I know she's evil, but if you kill her, you can't go back from that, not ever"

She looked at him, her eyes filling u with tears once again.

"Voldemort's back in the Great Hall. If you want any chance at defeating him, she has to die"

"What about Harry?", he asked with sadness in his hazel eyes. "What about  _you?"_

"There's no way I'm going to make it, Ron. I should be dead already", she choked out and watched his eyes go watery.

"No, 'Mione, don't say that. You're going to be just fine. We're going to defeat him together, alright? You're not going anywhere"

The boy's voice sounded strangled and panicked and she couldn't blame him. They had just found the courage to confess their feelings to each other. They were supposed to have a happy life after it was all over. And now, everything was lost. If she wasn't so bloody tired, she probably would panic as well.

"It's alright, Ron. Just promise you'll kill him for me", she whispered and turned her gaze to Bellatrix, whose body started to twitch, as her paralysis started to wear off.

She felt as the boy let go off her hand, muffled cries coming out from his mouth as he held her close, while she prepared herself to cast that one last spell. Summoning all the hatred she could muster, all the pain that Bellatrix had caused her, she forced herself to say those two words, that she had never wanted to use, not ever.

" _Avada Kedavra",_ she whispered, watching as a stream of green light erupted from the wand and hit Bellatrix's body, making her freeze again, this time once and for all. It felt almost cleansing to watch the fear that appeared on her face, right before she died, but watching her eyes fill with void felt even better. It made her smile to know that one of her biggest enemies was now dead.

Her smile faltered quickly, though, as she collapsed right into Ron's warm embrace, letting darkness finally take over her body. She heard his cries, she also heard Voldemort's scream as he realized that Bellatrix was not coming back from the corridor and her crazy laughter was no longer to be heard.

Hermione felt as her back came to contact with a hard, cold surface and Ronald's hands left her body. He had to fight, as not everything has been lost yet. She might be dying, but there still was a chance, that at least someone from their Golden Trio would live to tell the story of their bravery and sacrifice. She wanted nothing else. Not anymore.

Well, except maybe going back in time in order to change its course. It was too late for that, however, cause, even though the Time-Turner she snatched from Dumbledore's office was covered with her shirt, lying safely between her breasts, she didn't have enough strength to use it. If only she had thought about it earlier... Maybe Harry wouldn't be dead, maybe Ron wouldn't have to face Voldemort alone.

The last thing she felt was a tingling sensation on her chest, before the darkness embraced her completely.


	2. Chapter 2

She gasped loudly, feeling completely horrified. How could it be, that even after her death, the nightmares wouldn't stop plaguing her? Reliving the battle over and over wasn't something that she had planned to do after she died. Of course, she couldn't really say that death had been in her plans  _at all_ , even though she always knew it certainly qualified as one of the possibilities. Nonetheless, she never thought that it would hurt so much, both physically and emotionally. Maybe that was because of the fact, that she hadn't been such a good person? After all, she had killed Bellatrix and possibly many others, even though she had only used the Killing Curse once.

"Ah, I see you're finally awake, my dear!", a woman's voice snapped her out of her thoughts and caused her to immediately reach for her wand.

Obviously, it wasn't there. Bellatrix snapped it in half right before her eyes. Sorrow clenched her heart, but she knew better than to let her emotions get the best of her, so she turned her head to face the woman who walked into the room.

Hermione thought that she was hallucinating at first, when she looked right into the face of Madame Pomfrey, who seemed much younger than when she had last seen her. The conclusion dawned at her, when she realized that she probably wasn't the only one that was dead. There probably might not have been anyone alive, if Ron hadn't succeeded. ' _I wonder if there's a way to learn if he managed to kill that son of a bitch'_ ¸ she wondered briefly, before returning back to reality.

"Are you dead too?", she asked, her voice hoarse and raspy from not being used for a long time.

Or at least she thought it had been long. How could she know? She was dead after all.

"Dead? Oh, believe me, you came really close to dying, but fortunately, I'm very good at my job, dear", the nurse stated and gave her a warm smile, causing Hermione to furrow her brows.

"Are you telling me, that I'm not dead?"

Her voice sounded a lot better the second time, but the words coming out of her mouth seemed very unlikely. She rememberedher heart slowing down, as her body began to shut down. How could she be alive, when there was no one who could have saved her at the time?

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm telling you. Now, how do you feel?"

Hermione really didn't know what to make of it. Instead of answering the nurse's question, she looked around and noticed the familiar walls of Hospital Wing at Hogwarts. Was it really possible that Ron had killed Voldemort and somehow had managed to save her? She always knew that he was smarter than everyone had thought, but still, even in her mind it seemed nearly impossible for something like that to happen.

And yet, here she was, breathing and having a conversation with Poppy Pomfrey, who looked better than ever.

"What the hell happened? The last thing I remember is Ron leaving me behind to fight Voldemort", she said, ignoring the pain she felt and discarding the sheets covering her body.

"Miss, you should stay calm. Some of the wounds you suffered were very severe and they haven't healed yet. They could reopen any second", the nurse seemed really disturbed by her actions and also seemed to have no idea what Hermione was talking about.

Something was wrong. Madame Pomfrey fussed over her just as she normally would, but she looked at her without any recognition. She called her  _miss._ And Hermione knew that considering her numerous visits to the Hospital Wing, Poppy decided to stop with the formalities and just called her by name. It was almost impossible for that habit to change out of the blue, especially considering the Battle that took place right here in this castle.

"Why do you look so young?", she asked with her brows furrowed and watched with suspicion as Poppy's cheeks tinged red with embarrassment and annoyance.

"Excuse me? Don't you think that's a little rude, Miss?"

Hermione didn't answer, feeling as though someone punched her in the stomach when she realized that it wasn't just her imagination and Madame Pomfrey really had no clue whatsoever who she was talking to. But how the hell was that possible? The fact that she somehow survived the Battle was a miracle on its own, but this? Maybe someone cursed her after she lost her consciousness? Hermione quickly skimmed her mind looking for a spell that could do that. She knew an awful lot about memory charms, considering the fact that she used one of them on her own parents.

Her mouth suddenly flew open when she remembered that tingling sensation on her chest right before she surrendered to darkness, where her Time-Turner lied.

"What year is it?", she asked, her voice a bit absent.

"Are you feeling alright?"

Madame Pomfrey rushed to her side and waved her wand, probably checking Hermione's temperature. When it turned out completely normal, she performed some other spells and Hermione had no doubts that the older woman made sure that she didn't suffer any injuries to her head.

"I'm fine. I just really need to know what year it is"

"1976".

Hermione looked at her with her eyes wide open, trying to find any signs of deception on the nurse's face. The only thing she found was worry and distress. Oh, God... How on earth did she manage to travel 20 years back in time, without even trying to? How was it possible? How the hell was she supposed to get back without altering the time line? How...

Her world started spinning and waves of nausea flooded her body, causing her to breathe rapidly. She felt her stomach twist into a tight knot and closed her eyes, not being able to take the dizziness anymore.

"I think I'm going to be sick", she breathed out and Madame Pomfrey summoned a bowl immediately, so that the girl wouldn't puke on herself.

Hermione grabbed the vessel and retched violently, unable to stop herself when all of the facts dawned on her. If it really was 1976, she shouldn't even be born as of yet. She remembered what Dumbledore and McGonagall said to her before her third year about using a Time-Turner and meddling with time. There was nothing more dangerous than that, considering the fact that no one could handle meeting their future selves very well. Not mentioning the huge impact it had on the future itself. The fact that she was here meant that everyone she got to know would recognize her as soon as an eleven year old Hermione Granger walked through the Hogwarts' Gate. It also meant that she would have to keep hiding, awaiting for that precise moment of her own disappearance, so she could step into her old life once again. Of course, by the time it happened, the future would be so altered that there could be no guarantee that the final Battle would even take its place on that day in the same place.

Another wave of nausea hit her when she realized that even by lying in the hospital bed, allowing Madam Pomfrey to look over her, she had already changed everything. There could be no doubt that the woman would remember her face and connect the facts when an eleven year old Hermione shows up at Hogwarts. The only way to fix this would be to Obliviate the nurse and everyone who had seen Miss Granger, and then go into hiding for 20 years. Every other option would disrupt the future completely.

There would be no guarantee that Harry and Ron would be born and even if they would, what if they didn't become friends with her? What if they would die before the final Battle?

Memories of Harry's dead body and desperation in Ronald's eyes flooded her brain, making her eyes sting. She felt tears rolling down her face, when the agonizing pain erupted from deep inside her body. Hermione could have sworn that being Crucioed by Bellatrix was the worst feeling in the world, but now she wasn't so sure anymore. Her heart got ripped to pieces, just as Voldemort's soul had been. 

"They're dead. Oh Merlina, they really are dead", she sobbed hard, letting her body tremble uncontrollably, as her wailing echoed through the walls of the Hospital Wing.

"My dear, who is dead? What happened to you?", she heard Madam Pomfrey's voice, but even if she wanted to answer that question, she couldn't.

Not only because her pain and sorrow made it impossible to speak, but also because she knew that no one could know the truth. The situation was bad as it was and anything she could have said would only complicate it even more. She knew that it would be best if she simply run away, leaving everything behind, but her body was in no condition for doing so. Instead, she decided to let herself fall apart completely.

"Please, leave me alone", she sobbed and hid herself underneath the cover.

Madame Pomfrey apparently decided that whatever was going on with her, she couldn't help her otherwise than just respect her request. Hermione lied on her bed, wide awake, her eyes staring into the ceiling but not seeing anything except for the scenes constantly playing in her mind, like a broken TV.

She was grieving. Even though it probably wasn't the best thing to do, considering her situation and the fact that she disrupted the entire future by coming here, she couldn't stop. Her brain refused to work properly, making it impossible to plan her further steps. Hermione knew though that whatever happened next, it would probably require her to be brave and determined and she couldn't do that just yet. Her heart was bleeding too much.

* * *

 

"Are you ready to speak, Miss?", professor Dumbledore's voice echoed through the room, sounding so effing familiar that she wanted to scream.

She felt like she was talking to a ghost or worse, a zombie of some kind. Hermione remembered the night of his death very well, the image of his lifeless body etched into her mind for the eternity. And yet he sat next to her bed and looked at her with gentle, reassuring smile that she used to see on his face very often. Back then, she thought that the man's spirit cannot be broken, but today she was smarter and much more observant. Beneath the sparkles in his eyes, she could also see weariness and curiosity. He didn't want to scare her, but she knew that he had waited for this conversation long enough to start feeling a bit impatient.

"I'll never be ready, Professor", she admitted quietly, looking straight into his eyes, surrounded by much less wrinkles than she remembered.

"I understand that, but I still believe it is necessary for you to tell me about yourself. All I know is that you simply appeared out of nowhere in front of Great Hall in a state that can only be described as at least  _half-dead_. I need to know who you are and how did you get here", his voice had some urgency to it and she felt the need to tell him everything.

Hermione knew though that she couldn't do that. Not until she had the absolute certainty that there was nothing she could do to fix this whole situation. Besides, she didn't even know how to answer his question. ' _How did I get here?'_ , she thought to herself once again and sighed audibly, when her mind went blank.

"I'm sorry, Professor, but I have nothing to say", she murmured quietly and looked down to her hands resting on top of the covers.

"Are you scared?", he asked, looking at her intently.

Was she? No... Terrified would be a better word to describe her state of mind. Hermione, being the brilliant witch she was, knew very well that Dumbledore wasn't going to leave without any answers. She could lie of course, but having read  _Hogwarts: A History_  so many times, she knew that nothing would convince Dumbledore that she somehow managed to break the anti-apparition ward that had been there for centuries.

She desperately tried not to look at him, knowing that he was one of the most powerful Legilimens in the Wizarding world and could easily gain access to her mind if she still refused to talk to him. Judging by his sigh, he knew very well what she attempted to do and didn't like it at all.

"My dear, your efforts to keep the truth to yourself are very admirable, but I already know about your Time-Turner. And even if I didn't confiscate it, there are no other ways of you getting inside the castle out of nowhere. So, let me ask you again, who are you?"

Hermione jerked her head up, her eyes wide with pure shock. How did he... Oh, of course he must have figured it out. He was Albus Dumbledore, after all. The man planned his own death and made them believe that it was actually a murder and a terrible one at that.

"Professor, if you know how I came here, you must know that it's not wise for me to tell you anything", she protested weakly, making professor Dumbledore smile for the first time during their conversation.

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. And seeing as the Time-Turner you used most definitely belongs to me, your being here cannot be accidental", he said and Hermione shook her head.

"I have no idea how did I manage to activate the Time-Turner, not saying anything about the fact that it took me twenty years back"

Before she realized her mistake, professor Dumbledore looked at her with disbelief. She cursed in her thoughts and furrowed her brows.  _'Way to go, Herms. When did you become so lousy at keeping things to yourself?'_

"Twenty years, you say? That is very interesting, indeed. Seems like I am much smarter than I thought...", Dumbledore chuckled and Hermione looked at him questioningly. "My dear, the Time-Turner you had on you had definitely been charmed to activate itself in the right moment. I am fairly sure that it has to be my doing, considering the fact that it belongs to me. Did I give it to you?"

Hermione blushed furiously and looked away, trying to fight her embarrassment.

"Not exactly, Professor. I kind of... Snatched it from your office along with some other things", she admitted and sent him an apologetic gaze.

"Ah, I see. I must have been already dead then", he stated cheerfully, making Hermione's mouth gape. "Nonetheless, I probably wanted someone to take it, otherwise I wouldn't have charmed it. Do you think that I meant for you to have it or maybe was it someone else?"

The girl closed her mouth and considered his words. If what he said was true, he certainly would want her to have it. After all, she had experience with Time-Travelling and had known all the rules to make it as safe as possible. Of course, by sending her here he probably broke all of them at once, which was a serious problem for Hermione.

"No doubt. If you meant for someone to go back in time, it had to be me. Although I can't say that I understand why on Earth would you want me to do that. It's dangerous even if you travel only few hours into the past, but 20 years? Do you know how much have I disrupted the future?", she asked in a panicked tone and covered her face with her hands.

"No, I don't. But I'd very much like to know, so that we could figure out what to do about it. One thing is sure and that is that you cannot go back to your own time, as it is simply not possible"

"I know that", she moaned and tried to fight back the giant bile that started to form in her throat. "But do you honestly think that telling you everything will make it better? No one is supposed to know the future"

"We have no choice. I am fairly sure that you must be very intelligent, otherwise I wouldn't have picked you, so you realize that everyone who had already seen you, will recognize your face as soon as you appear in Hogwarts for the first time and they will start asking questions and we simply cannot have that. The future is already disrupted, as you've  said. We have to make sure that it won't completely fall apart"

Professor Dumbledore was right. She couldn't just refuse to talk to him. He was probably the only person that could handle the information that she had to offer and it would be much easier to figure out her next step with his help.

"I'm sorry, Professor. It's just that you were the one that told me about the rules of travelling through the Time and I'm way too smart not to acknowledge all of the dangers of not following them. But I also know that I've already broken every single one of them and that fixing it is not entirely possible. The future will have to change, since there is no way of avoiding it and it would be best if it would change for the better", she admitted with a sad smile.

Maybe that was the reason why the older version of Professor Dumbledore decided to send her back in time if things got really bad? To fix everything? To make sure that nothing as horrible as the final Battle would ever happen? Even if that meant sacrificing her own life and completely changing her own timeline, she knew it would all be worth it. Maybe she could give Harry a normal life, without death waiting for him behind every corner. Maybe she could prevent everyone she cared about from dying. It didn't matter if they didn't recognize her. Not if they would be happy in the end.

"How bad is the future?", Dumbledore asked after a moment of silence and Hermione closed her eyes, letting the images of the Battle resurface once again.

"More than bad, sir. It's... almost unimaginable"

Her voice was merely a whisper, but it seemed to have a huge impact on the wizard sitting in front of her. His peaceful face suddenly turned white and he started to look much older, reminding her of the Albus Dumbledore she'd known.

"I assume that the state of things had much to do with Lord Voldemort, correct?"

"It had everything to do with him"

"Twenty years of fighting and we still lose in the end? That's not very good news, I'm afraid"

Hermione didn't respond to his words, as it wasn't necessary. Dumbledore fell silent and seemed to be deep in his thoughts, that she knew were probably much more sensible than her own have been. He happened to be the most powerful wizard she had ever known, even if he was also the one that ended up dead while Voldemort slowly gained more and more power. His mind though... Hermione always admired it, even if his decisions seemed very unreasonable to her sometimes. She actually believed that she was far too stupid to understand his choices completely and it motivated her to no end. Hard work was the only way that could turn her into someone as brilliant as Albus Dumbledore and she knew that it was all she ever wanted. His death touched her more than she would ever let on, but it also turned her into a responsible, clever and cunning witch determined to do everything she could to ensure her friends safety. And she had failed miserably.

"You still haven't told me your name, my dear", Dumbledore spoke, causing her to jerk up.

"Oh. Is it safe for me to tell you?", she asked with concern in her voice.

"I believe so. There are no doubts that you're going to be a vital part of the times that we are currently in, making it impossible for someone not to notice the similarities between you and your future self who probably hadn't even been born yet, if my assumptions are correct", he looked at her from above his half-glasses and she nodded, confirming his words. "Therefore, we cannot allow your future self to attend Hogwarts as you were supposed to. It would probably be best if you could reach your parents and convince them to move out to a different country. United States maybe?"

"I guess it's fine...", she murmured, holding back the tears that threatened to escape her eyes.

She couldn't believe that the history was about to repeat itself and no one beside her would ever know about it. Hermione hated herself for Obliviating her parents, even if she did it to keep them safe. The second time wasn't going to be any better, but there was no other choice but to accept it.

"Good. Now, can you tell me what's your name?"

She smiled bitterly and shut her eyes very tightly. In that precise moment she had to say goodbye to her future self and all of her memories. As of now, Hermione Granger would belong to 1976 and nothing could ever change that.

"My name is Hermione Jean Granger, sir. I'm 18 years old and I've been attending Hogwarts for six years and then I had to drop out of school. There were things that needed to be done in order to stop Voldemort from winning and those were far more important than finishing my education. I come from 1998, 2nd May to be precise. That's when the Final Battle took place. That's when everything went wrong", she explained quietly and looked down, this time letting her tears roll down her face.

"Those things that had to be done in order to stop him. I take it you didn't succeed?"

"Not entirely. In the end, we had to go back to Hogwarts anyway and finish the job, but we were too late. The battle had begun and it was a bloody massacre"

"What were you supposed to do? How did you want to stop him?"

Dumbledore's voice was very serious and gravely. She couldn't blame him for wanting to know everything about the future, but she still hesitated. Had Voldemort even made a Horcrux by now? He must have. After all, in a couple of years he would be gone, defeated by her best friend. Dumbledore from her time was fairly sure that all of the Horcruxes were made before his disappearance, except for Nagini and Harry himself. If she somehow managed to destroy all of them before he had managed to kill the Potters, maybe none of the bad things would happen.

"The Horcruxes, sir. He's made 7 of them. Or at least, he will make seven"

"Do you know what Horcruxes are?", he asked her quietly and she nodded. "They are very Dark Magic, very terrifying. If the knowledge of their existence reaches anyone else... Miss Granger, this  _has to_  stay a secret"

"I am aware of that, sir. Just like I am aware of the fact that if Voldemort manages to capture me, he'll have access to all my knowledge. I'm not an Occlumens and I think that no matter what we decide about my future in here, I have to become one"

Dumbledore nodded eagerly and smiled at her.

"Yes, yes. That thought has crossed my mind, of course, but I am very content that you've thought about it yourself. At least I know that I made a really good choice by picking you to be a Time-Traveller", his eyes twinkled at her gleefully and Hermione smiled gently, finding comfort in his familiar behavior. "Now, I think it's necessary for us to discuss your future. I'd very much like you to help the Order of the Phoenix, even though we don't usually allow such young people to join"

"It's too late for me anyway.  I've already lived through one war and I really want to make sure that the second one will be also the last. I can't do that if I'm not in the loop of what's going on. Besides, technically I'm 18 years old and a grown-up", she shrugged and Dumbledore nodded.

"Yes, Miss Granger, but I'm afraid that in this timeline, you'll have to become sixteen again"

Hermione looked at him with surprise visible in her hazel eyes. Dumbledore chuckled lightly and explained:

"I know that you've already finished your sixth year, but I don't think that the Order would ever have the chance of having eyes and ears amongst the students in Hogwarts and I'm sure that it could work as a huge advantage if you agreed to repeat your sixth year and then move on to seventh. It would also be a great opportunity to gain new friends and settle into the new era"

Hermione stayed quiet for a few seconds and then smiled.

"I've always loved this castle. Going back for another two years doesn't sound bad at all"

Except this time she was going to be all alone, without Harry and Ron by her side. That thought made her scared and unsure of herself, but she knew that she would have to face the world sooner rather than later and doing that at Hogwarts seemed so much better than having to do it in the real world.

"I must warn you, however. The sense of fashion is definitely much different than the one you're accustomed to", Albus giggled and Hermione looked at him with horror, when the images of flared jeans popped into her mind.

She thought that it was absolutely ridiculous to wear something so hideous, but fashion tended to be completely illogical. Hermione sighed and realized that she will have to adjust her entire wardrobe.

A memory appeared on the surface of her mind and she looked at Dumbledore anxiously.

"Sir, could you by any chance tell me what happened to my bag? I'm sure I must have had it on me when I came here"

"Oh, yes. Pardon me, Miss Granger, but I had to search it in order to figure out who you were. I was very surprised to see that one of the books in there definitely belonged to me", he looked at her with twinkles in his eyes and Hermione smiled apologetically. "Did you... snatched that too?"

"No, sir. You gave to me. It was... It was a very important piece of puzzle we were trying to solve for years", she said as cryptic as she could and Dumbledore noticed it right away.

"The Deathly Hallows, correct?"

She nodded her head trying to avoid his gaze. Harry would be dying to ask him the questions that circled her mind right now, but she felt as though it wasn't the best time to prod him about his past.

"Voldemort found out about them and decided to get them, especially the Elder Wand", she said and her gaze flickered to Dumbledore's wand that lied safely in his lap.

If he noticed, he decided not to comment on that. Instead, he caressed his beard, seeming to be deep in the thoughts.

"It took him long enough", he murmured to himself and then snapped out of thoughts, smiling at her cheerfully. "Well, I am sure you must be getting very tired, so let's get to the most important thing. We have to come up with a decent cover for you, don't you agree?"

"Of course, sir. I can't just join everyone in their sixth year and hope that they won't have any questions. I do have one question of my own, though. What about my scars? Most of them are cursed and I know very well that they won't come off. They are also very hard to conceal and someone might notice them eventually. Is that going to be a problem?"

"No, Hermione. I am going to make sure that your story will be compatible with all of your scars. Actually, I've been thinking about that part for a while now. I think it would be safe to tell everyone that both of your parents were Muggleborns and that blood purists targeted them specifically because they were powerful wizards and they apparently gave you the same strength. They escaped Britain and moved into France, thinking that you would be safe there. Unfortunately, the blood purists had found you, killing your parents and forcing you and a couple of your friends to drop out of school and go into hiding. It would explain why you are so thin and it wouldn't be an exact lie, would it?"

"No, sir. Actually, it sounds almost exactly like my true story", she admitted with sadness lacing her voice.

"Yes, it does. As of yours scars, it would probably be best if you told the truth on that matter - blood purists found you and your friends, tortured you and killed everyone beside you. You managed to escape and apparate to England and that's how we found you", he finished looking at her intensely.

Hermione knew the reason behind coming up with a story that was so similar to what actually happened. The fact that she was determined to get herself together didn't mean that she would succeed without anyone noticing the emptiness in her eyes and the pain hidden deep inside her heart. No... It would be best to just tell everyone something that resembled the truth so much, that she would be able to allow herself those rare moments of sorrow, when no one was looking.

The story was very good and most definitely convincing. It wasn't perfect, though, and Hermione couldn't help but voice her concern.

"Professor... I think that when it comes to my colleagues, it might actually work. But what about Voldemort and his Death Eaters? I know that as of now he tries to keep them a secret, as he's nowhere near as powerful as he was back in my times, but still, blood purists might be common but the fact that I survived a meeting with some of them would definitely capture the attention of Voldemort's supporters. And as a matter of fact, it's also not very difficult to check if I had actually been going to Beauxbatons for six years. All of this will surely make me a target and I've already told you that I can't defend my mind from the invasions"

"Yes, Miss Granger, you are most definitely right. That thought crossed my mind and so I decided that it probably would be best if we made sure, that you were able to keep your secrets from everyone, including Tom. The summer holidays in Hogwarts are about to start and I will have plenty of time to teach you how to Occlude your mind. Occlumency is however only one of the things I'd like you to learn. We can't afford loosing you to Death Eaters, which is why I think it would be good if you decided to practice dueling and defending yourself"

Hermione's eyes went wide with surprise, but it quickly faded away when she realized that professor Dumbledore was, once again, right. She would lie if she claimed to be an expert duelist, even with what happened in her fifth year with Dumbledore's Army and later on. She never considered herself much of a fighter, not in a physical way at least. But did she really have a choice now? There was no way in hell that she would allow Voldemort to capture her and discover everything.

"I'll do it, professor. But I don't think I will be able to learn anything by myself"

"Of course not, Miss Granger. We have quite a few Aurors in the Order of the Phoenix. I'll make sure to talk to one of them and convince him to train you"

"Can you give me a name?", she asked, thinking about all the Aurors she had ever met.

"Alastor Moody. Are you familiar with him?"

Of course she was. She remembered the night of his death as it was yesterday. Even though he wasn't  _really_  her professor, she respected him greatly. It was hard not to do so, when you'd read all about his achievements and bravery. But still, he was a very harsh man and she knew very well that training with him would be a nightmare.

"I see that the name rings a bell to you", Dumbledore said with amusement clear in his voice.

"Oh, yes. I knew him back in my time and I can't say that I'm entirely looking forward to meeting him again, considering the fact that he will probably turn me into a puddle of tears and sweat", she murmured and smiled. " _Constant vigilance!"_

Dumbledore chuckled and nodded his head agreeably.

"Yes, yes. No doubt, you must've known him. I must also apologize for forcing you to endure his harshness, but I'm afraid he's also the best man for the job I have. His a brilliant Auror, as I'm sure you know. He will make you much safer, Hermione"

"Of that I have no doubt"

Hermione watched as Dumbledore stood up and smoothed out his purple robes. Seeing it made her feel weirdly at home, as his eccentric taste was always something that reminded her of the magix present in her life on daily basis. He was the spitting image of a Wizard and she had no doubts that he intented to look like that. Somehow, it made Hermione's heart warm up again, reminding her that there still were people worth fighting for, even if she really didn't want to do so anymore.

A question popped into her head and she hesitated for a moment before opening her mouth.

"Professor, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, Miss Granger", he answered, his eyes twinkling kindly.

"You've said that we were now in 1976. Is there any chance that the Marauders are here in Hogwarts?"

Dumbledore looked very surprised for a moment, but then he nodded, causing her heart to flutter hard against her chest.

"Undeniably, Miss Granger. I'm pretty sure you're going to notice it sooner than later, considering the fact that it's almost summer and they have just finished their exams. They have this peculiar habit of pranking everyone, which causes them to end up in the Hospital Wing quite often", he said and smiled at her. "Although, I'd suggest you to pretend to be dead or seriously ill when they will come here. They will be very interested in you, but I'm afraid that till you're ready it would be best to stay away from people, especially the Marauders"

"I'll try to remember that", she said in a small voice, trying to overcome the emotions that appeared out of nowhere.

Professor Dumbledore smiled once again and then exited the Hospital Wing, leaving her alone with her thoughts. She almost couldn't believe that she was going to meet Harry's parents, a young Sirius and Remus and even that foul rat that betrayed all of them. It seemed very unreal, but it also made her whole body tingle with anticipation. Merlin, how she wished Harry could be here and experience it on his own. He would give everything to get to know his family, she knew that very well. His longing for something that he had never had was so strong, that it almost got them killed when they've visited the Godric's Hollow. He would have loved the opportunity. Hermione knew though that he would have loved to have his parents by his side, alive and unharmed even more.

Suddenly she knew why Dumbledore wanted to send her to this exact place and time. It all had started with that one prophecy and betrayal. And now she had the chance to fix it.


	3. Chapter 3

"Padfoot, look", a muffled voice reached her ears and she did everything she could not to jump out of bed immediately.

It wasn't so difficult to figure out that Dumbledore's words had finally come true. The Marauders visited Hospital Wing, just as he had predicted. Hermione had no doubt that the voice she heard belonged to James Potter, although she had never heard it before. There was something about its cheerfulness and mischief that made her entirely convinced. She almost couldn't stop herself from opening her eyes and looking right at him. She wondered if he looked anything like Harry did when he was his age. Of course, everyone said that her best friend was the spitting image of his father, but she really wanted to confirm it by herself.

"Look, there's a girl in here. I don't think I know her. What about you? You shagged her yet?", James asked again and Hermione really hoped she didn't blush.

It was her best friend's father and he had just asked if Sirius Black had shagged her. How weird was that?

"Nah, I don't think so. I am fairly sure I've never seen her before", the smooth, deep voice answered him, sounding nothing like the Sirius Black she'd known.

His voice was velvety and full of emotions, whereas the one she remembered was quiet and reserved almost at all times. Of course, she couldn't blame him for being a little bit indifferent after spending 12 years in Azkaban. But even in those rare moments when he couldn't hold his emotions inside anymore, he didn't sound so happy and chilled out. No, the Sirius Black she'd known was a ghost compared to his younger version.

"Although if I had seen her before, I'd probably shag her", barking laugh filled the air and this time she flinched visibly.

Did he just say... Merlin, help her. He was so much older than her. Maybe not in this time but technically she shouldn't even be born as of now. How could he say that he'd shag her?! Oh, that's right. He had no clue about any of this.

"Shush, Padfoot, you'll wake her up", hissed James and she heard his steps coming closer towards the bed. "Fuck"

At this exact moment she realized that her forearm was fully visible, just as the scar Bellatrix that gave her. She wanted to cover herself up so badly, so that they wouldn't see it, but she knew she couldn't. Instead, she tried to breathe in and out as smoothly as possible.

"Bloody hell, that poor girl", Sirius murmured when he joined James at the foot of her bed and this time his voice was nowhere near as cheerful.

Actually, Hermione knew that he must have been even more disturbed than anyone else would, considering that most of his family were blood purists. Hell, his  _cousin_ did this to her!

"I'd make all of those bastards suffer so badly, James"

"I know, mate. I'd do it with you. What do you think has happened to her?"

"I have no idea, but it must have been pretty fucked up. This scar doesn't look that new, so it's probably cursed"

' _Right on point_ ', she thought to herself. ' _My whole life is cursed, Sirius_ '.

"Maybe she's an Auror?"

"Way too young. Even if she's older than she looks, I've never seen her at Hogwarts, so it's not possible", Sirius disagreed and James hummed in response.

Damn, they really were smart. No wonder that Dumbledore ordered her not to talk to them before she was comfortable enough with her story to pull it off effortlessly.

"So why is she here now?"

"No idea, Prongs"

Even though their voices died down, they were still standing near the bed and watching her. This time, she could feel the heat rising up to her cheeks, so she decided to turn around in her sleep, murmuring something incoherent.

"Her hair is really beautiful, though", a chuckle escaped Sirius' mouth and James sighed loudly.

"Seriously?", he asked and another barking laughter cut the air.

"You know I'm always Sirius"

She wanted to smile at their exchange so badly, but somehow she couldn't. They were friends, happy and carefree. They had no idea that in just a couple of years, one of them would be dead and the other sent to Azkaban for something he didn't do. Hermione felt even more determined to fix everything as she simply couldn't stand the thought of their happiness being destroyed once and for all.

"We should go. I'd really like to know who she is and what happened to her, but I feel like she should be left alone for now", James said and sighed again.

"Yeah, probably. Maybe we could ask Dumbledore about her? Or maybe Minnie?"

"They probably won't say a thing, you know them. But I guess it wouldn't hurt to ask. It's not like they will give us a detention. We already have one", he chuckled and Hermione heard his footsteps drift away from her bed.

Sirius however stayed behind and kept looking at her. Finally, he whispered so quietly, that only she could have heard it.

"Fingers crossed for you, love. I hope you're going to be okay and whoever did this to you will be punished".

She felt his fingertips caress her temple and then he tugged a strand of her hair behind her ear. In just a few seconds, Sirius was gone, but his scent lingered in the air, reminding her of the man she used to know. Leather, mint and a cologne that was his favourite, even after spending 12 years in Azkaban.

If she didn't know any better, she would have never recognized him. The picture of Sirius Black was very clear in her mind, but somehow it didn't fit the person that had just caressed her so tenderly, even though he didn't know a single thing about her. No... Azkaban destroyed him even more than anyone could have thought. And that made her hurt all over.

***  _over 2 months later ***_

Hermione knew very well that dealing with stress had never been one of her strong features. She always felt nauseous, her palms were sweaty and her heart rate was so high that it made her feel really sick. Even after two months of murderous trainings, she still wasn't able to hide her anxiousness when she stood at the King's Cross and stared at the Hogwarts Express.

Well, the fact that she was completely alone out here was not helping either. She missed her parents who were always there for her, when she boarded the train. There was also no Harry and Ron to greet her and tell her about their holidays. Harry's probably would have been pretty terrible and Ron would just shrug and claim that his were nothing special as well, although Hermione knew that summer holidays at the Burrow were something that was always worth remembering.

She was alone and she had to deal with it. A shaky breath escaped her mouth, as she decided to move forward, dragging her trunk behind her. Even though she knew perfectly well what she was supposed to do with it, she was the  _new girl_. In the eyes of everyone else on the platform, she was a mystery, someone that they'd never seen before. It would raise a lot of suspicions if she wasn't completely lost.

Hermione looked around, trying to find anyone who looked nice enough to help her, but everyone was busy saying goodbyes to their close ones and she couldn't bring herself to interrupt them. The fact that she didn't have anyone with her didn't mean that she should try and make this moment miserable for everyone else. No, she would have to just wait until someone came over and helped her out of their own good will.

It turned out that she didn't have to wait that long. A group of three boys entered the platform, immediately catching everyone's attention as they were laughing loudly and walking with such confidence, that Hermione couldn't help but stare at them with her eyes wide open. Her wish from just few months ago had now been fulfilled, as she watched Sirius Black, James Potter and Remus Lupin cross the platform in long strides.

Her gaze immediately travelled to Harry's father, soaking in the image of his younger self. He really did look almost exactly like her best friend, except for the eyes. James' were hazel and warm, while Harry's reminded her of emeralds. He was also quite tall and lean, making him a little more impressive than her best friend. The happiness gleaming in his eyes was something that caught her attention the most. His smile reminded her so much of Harry's that she wanted to cry. Before she actually started to do so, her gaze flickered to the taller boy walking right next to him.

Sirius Black was probably every girl's dream. Clad in black jeans and a leather jacket he definitely stood out, but not in a bad way. Hermione really appreciated every man who didn't wear flared jeans, but young Sirius was so captivating, that she actually thought he would be able to pull off even the most ridiculous outfit on the entire planet. He was simply beautiful. His aristocratic features shined through the curtain of raven hair covering some of his face. And his smile... Sweet Merlin, that dimples would be able to make everyone's knees go weak. Hermione decided that if she looked at him any longer, her thoughts might take her to a very dangerous place, considering the fact that this man was her best friend's god father.

Her eyes switched to the last of the three boys, the tallest and lankiest one. Future professor Lupin looked much younger than he did back in her time. His face didn't carry as much worry lines and his hair was blonde without some grey streaks in it. He also looked much happier and much less tormented. She knew that Hogwarts had always been the place he felt the most at home, especially with his friends still there, helping him on every single full moon. He was the only one that she would have recognized within a heartbeat, though. Remus Lupin that walked towards her was almost exactly as she remembered him.

Hermione looked down to her feet, deciding that it would be best if she stopped staring at them. They were heading her way and she was pretty sure that they would recognize her in a blink of an eye. Sirius did mention her hair after all, and those were... very distinctive to say the least. She had to play it safe and appear very lost and unsure, so that they wouldn't think that she was waiting explicitly for them. ' _Constant vigilance'_ ¸ she thought and smiled bitterly realizing that Moody's paranoia rubbed off on her.

"Hey! Hey, you there!", she heard James' voice and looked up, wondering who he was yelling at.

She looked around with confusion and decided that he must have been speaking to her. Her assumption turned out to be true when the three of them stopped in front of her and grinned like a bunch of Cheshire cats.

"I'm so glad to see you're alright!" James exclaimed and Hermione frowned, pretending that she had no clue what he was talking about.

"Excuse me?, she asked suspiciously. "Have we ever met?"

"Well, yes, although you were... Kind of sleeping at that time", he explained and ruffled his already dishevelled hair.

Hermione wanted to laugh seeing that Harry's father could be almost as awkward as his son, but she remained calm and summoned a purely disturbed look to her face.

"Fuck, James, you can be such a creep sometimes. No wonder Evans keeps turning you down", Sirius said and rolled his eyes. "What that moron tried to say was that we have seen you at the Hospital Wing before the summer holidays"

Hermione was once again surprised at the sound of his voice but now that she had seen his face, she knew it matched perfectly. Velvety and deep, but also very cheerful and full of life. It actually made her smile a little, her whole body relaxing.

"Oh... Yes, that sounds way less creepy", she answered and looked at James who was smiling at her apologetically. "Don't worry though, I've heard weirder things in my life"

Hermione didn't even lie. After all she's been through, James' awkwardness was actually something that seemed familiar and soothing.

"Pardon our manners. I'm Remus Lupin and these two are James Potter and Sirius Black", the third boy spoke up and gestured towards his friends. "And to be clear, they are both morons"

Hermione couldn't help the giggle that escaped her mouth and extended her hand towards Remus.

"It's very nice to meet you. I'm Hermione Granger"

"Hermione. Nice name", Sirius said and gave her a lopsided grin, that somehow looked very flirty.

She was never the one to blush while having conversations with boys, even if they tried to pick her up. Most of them seemed to be idiots and she actually loathed their company. It made her somewhat confident because usually she had been the one intimidating them and not the other way around, which was probably why no one ever tried to win her over. It's not like she wasn't pretty. Hermione knew very well that there were girls that could be described as simply striking, Ginny Weasley being one of them. Miss Granger certainly lacked that  _wow factor_ , but her reflection in the mirror was more than acceptable.

This time however, she was very close to blushing and becoming just as awkward as James. Maybe it was the fact that she didn't feel exactly at ease with being complimented by Harry's godfather, or maybe it was just because he looked like a Greek god brought to life by some of the finest artists, no matter how cheesy it sounded.

"Thank you, I suppose", she said, ignoring her thoughts with a silent reminder to thank Moody for his training in concealing emotions, even if she still sucked at it most of the time.

"You're welcome, I suppose", Sirius chuckled lightly and winked at her, making her even more uncomfortable.

"Anyway, what are you doing here? You're joining us at Hogwarts?", James asked, looking rather curious and Hermione smiled at him.

"Well, it's not like I enjoy standing like an idiot in the middle of random platforms, watching everyone board the train, you know"

James once again flustered slightly, causing Remus and Sirius to laugh at him.

"I like this one already", young Messer Black purred  and swung his arm around her. "C'mon, Hermione, I'll show you around. And you can take her trunk", he ordered James and Remus who didn't look all that happy.

Before they could protest, Sirius steered her away from his friends, leading her to the train. Hermione went along with his actions mostly because she was too surprised to do anything about them. This man... Was it really him? How could someone change this much? ' _Oh, yeah... Azkaban would do that to you'_ , she thought gravely and sighed.

"So, why are you here? Apart from the obvious, I mean. You must have went to a different school before, right?", he asked completely unaware of her tension.

Or at least, so it seemed. His voiced was laced with curiosity, but she could have sworn she heard something else too. Something, that sounded a lot like worry.

"I did. But some things happened and... Well, let's say that it was my only choice", she answered as cryptic as she possibly could.

"Ah, you're the mysterious kind. I guess I like that too", he said and turned his face to grin at her.

"I just... I don't really want to talk about that"

His smile faded, as he looked at her carefully. Somehow, it made her even more self-conscious, so she dropped her gaze to hide her insecurity.

"I get it. Sorry for asking", he finally apologized and let go of her, gesturing her to board the train.

She complied and entered the Express, trying to look as curious as she did in her first year. Mere seconds later, Sirius' hand was at the small of her back, pushing her to go forward as the line started to form behind them.

"Our compartment is at the end of the train", he informed her and she nodded her head, speeding up.

There were some students in the corridor and all of them looked at her with interest visible in their eyes. Hermione couldn't really blame them, although she couldn't say it made her comfortable to the least. Being the new girl sucked majorly, especially if she generally hated to be the centre of attention. It was okay when everyone pointed at her saying things like: " _Oh, look. That's Hermione Granger, she's the brightest witch of our age_ ", but when it came to anything else, all of the looks made her anxious. She remembered her fourth year and the Yule Ball, when she shocked everyone by her appearance and, more importantly, her date. She was a bookworm after all and he was a world-known Quidditch star. No one could have believed that he actually liked her, although Hermione knew that it truly was the case.

Now, she felt even weirder. Back then, her dress made her feel really pretty and all the looks were filled with appreciation rather than excitement and curiosity bordering on nosiness. It was plain rude, but she could understand why a new face was quite a sight here, especially that she was no eleven year old.

She rushed forward, making Sirius giggle quietly. He matched her tempo with ease and soon they were both taking their places in the compartment at the end of the train.

"Don't like attention very much, huh?", the boy asked her, clearly amused and she sighed in response.

"Not exactly. I just don't like the attention that comes with being a new attraction. I am okay with people noticing me, but I'd prefer if it had something to do with who I am and all that stuff" she said and rolled her eyes, making Sirius chuckle.

"That one you've got to earn", he informed her and plopped down on the seat, sighing contently. "Although it's not so difficult at Hogwarts. All it takes is not being boring and dull and I guarantee that being friends with us makes it impossible to be any of those things"

"Being friends with you?", Hermione asked with her eyebrows raised. "Haven't we just met?"

"Yeah and I told you I already liked you", he grinned at her and lied down on the seat, yawning and stretching his arms over his head.

Hermione turned her gaze away and glanced through the window, deciding to leave his comment without an answer. It was weird not seeing Mrs and Mr Weasley waving at her from the platform, but she knew that even if she hadn't been sent back through time, the chances of seeing them ever again were slim. They were probably dead anyway.

A pained sigh escaped her lips, causing Sirius to prop himself on his elbows and look at her closely.

"You okay?", he asked quietly and she gave him a small smile.

"Not really, no. Nothing about this is easy for me", she said and shrugged. "Someone could say that I was given a chance to start over. Except I didn't want to start over. I wanted the life I  already had to work itself out. I didn't want to end up alone and broken. So, no. I'm not okay. How could I be?"

Her explanation was true in some ways, but also said nothing concrete about her past. Judging by the expression on Sirius' face, he was fully aware of that fact and it made him even more curious. Hermione wondered if he was going to respect her privacy or rather decide to satisfy his curiosity. Finally, he looked away and smiled.

"Guess I'll have to work really hard to befriend you, so I can question you more, huh?"

Hermione looked at him with amusement and her eyebrows raised.

"Yeah, good luck with that. I can be really stubborn, you know", she informed him and he chuckled.

"So can I, sweetheart"

Before she could respond, the rest of the Marauders joined them at the compartment, whining about the ever present crowd. Hermione's gaze rested upon the shortest of the three boys that joined them. Seeing Peter Pettigrew made her heart clench, as a wave of memories flooded her brain. The man that she remembered looked nothing like the boy standing before her. Young Peter was plump and cheerful, just like the rest of the boys and Hermione had a really hard time believing that this was indeed the same man who betrayed Lily and James, then killed so many people and sent one of his best friends to Azkaban. He looked completely ordinary and that unsettled her.

"Hermione, I believe you hadn't met our friend Peter here"

She shook her head, not trusting her voice and stood up, extending her hand towards the boy that looked at her with a blush tainting his cheeks.

"Hermione Granger, it's a pleasure to meet you", she smiled, trying to fight the nausea that hit her and watched as young Peter raised his own hand to greet her.

"Peter Pettigrew"

Even his voice didn't sound like the man she knew. For fucks sake, he was just a boy. She couldn't act like a bitch towards him, not if there was still any chance of saving him and leading him back towards the light, no matter how cliché it sounded.

Just as she let go of his hand, he immediately sat down near the door and looked at her with curiosity in his blue, watery eyes. When she smiled at him once again, he blushed even more and pried his gaze away from her.

"So, Hermione. Do you know what House you're going to be in?", Remus asked as he settled into the seat, making himself comfortable.

"Well, not really. Professor Dumbledore wants me to get sorted as everyone else, during the feast. But I've read about the houses in  _Hogwarts: A history_  and I think..."

"What?! You've read that book?", James asked looking at her like she had just grown a second head.

"Fuck me. I've been here for five years and I haven't even touched that thing", Sirius laughed loudly and James soon joined him.

"I thought it was brilliant", Hermione answered and furrowed her brows. "For people like me, it's probably the only source of reliable information about the castle"

"People like you?"

Remus' voice was laced with curiosity and Hermione couldn't help but be surprised. She looked at Sirius and James wondering if they had actually seen the scar on her forearm when she had been lying in her hospital bed. The girl could have sworn that they had looked right at it. But why not tell their best friend about it then?

"I'm a Muggleborn", she stated firmly, watching as their expressions changed.

Lupin looked at her with a small smile, while James and Sirius tried to hide their uneasiness. She supposed they couldn't be blamed. Her scars weren't pretty and they were the ultimate proof of the upcoming war that made everyone scared and unsure.

"Oh! Wait till you meet Lily, she's going to be so happy that she's going to have someone to talk to! I'm half-blood and I grew up in a Muggle household, but it still had been very different from being a Muggleborn. She's going to enjoy having someone that will understand her completely", Remus explained and looked at her with a huge grin.

"I guess I'm going to enjoy that too", she said and forced a smile.

Lily Evans may have grown up in a Muggle household, but Hermione doubted that the girl would ever be able to understand her. Actually, she was pretty sure that no one could.

"Oi, if you're going to be friends with Evans, maybe you could talk to her about me?", James' voice held so much hope that Hermione couldn't help but smile.

"You fancy her?"

"Fancy... He's completely lost it, love", Sirius laughed and shook his head with compassion. "The minute he's laid his eyes on that redheaded menace, he fell in love..."

His sarcastic tone made Hermione giggle, while she looked at James who seemed truly offended by his best friend's words.

"Yes I did. And I am really proud of it, as at least I'm not being called a man whore"

That had other boys laughing out loud, especially when Sirius rolled his eyes and punched James in the arm.

"I'm not a whore, I have my standards"

"Oh, yes. The girl has to a nice body without a penis attatched to it. The head is irrelevant, cause Sirius's not into brains", Remus explained to Hermione, causing her to laugh freely, even if she was a little embarrassed.

"Shut up, Moony!", growled Sirius and Hermione looked at Remus with a pretended surprise.

"Moony? Where did that come from?"

Hermione was very curious to see if they would be able to come up with an excuse for his nickname, without actually betraying his secret. The fact that she knew all about it didn't mean that she could just outright tell them the true, as there was absolutely no way she could justify her knowledge. Right now, she just had to opt for watching them trying to direct her attention elsewhere.

"Remus here likes to take his dates on long walks in the moonlight. His dates are usually books though, but who cares, right?", James said, patting Remus on the back to the boy's great displeasure.

"There's nothing wrong in reading books", Hermione shrugged and sent a sympathetic smile towards the werewolf.

"Then maybe you should go out with him, Hermione!", James proposed with a huge grin and wiggled his eyebrows.

"Could you please shut up?!"

Hermione had rarely seen Remus angry, but this time he certainly looked that way. His face was red and brows furrowed. She thought he looked rather cute, considering the fact that his exasperation was mixed with clear embarrassment which reminded her of his older version so much.

"You really like each other, don't you?", she laughed and the boys looked back at her with grins.

"We're The Marauders, love! Of course we like each other", Sirius said and the others nodded in agreement.

"We're basically brothers"

They certainly acted like it, she had to admit. Even though they were completely different people, they bore such a great resemblance to the Weasley brothers that her eyes started to water and her smile faltered. In an instant, the atmosphere changed and the boys looked at her with worry.

"Everything all right?", Peter asked, surprising her completely.

"Yeah. I just remembered something"

Everyone fell quiet and it definitely wasn't a comfortable silence. Hermione felt really bad for spoiling the mood, but she knew that if they really were going to be friends, they would have to get used to it. This summer she was way too busy and exhausted to be able to cry her eyes out, but now, she had all the time in the world to think and recall the past. There was no way that she could just put everything behind her and move on, especially if she had to spend her time with the Marauders, who reminded her about everything she'd lost.

The boys must have noticed that she wasn't in the mood for talking anymore, because they left her alone and started to exchange summer stories. Hermione listened to them for a while, trying to soak in as much information as she possibly could, but after the subject changed to Quidditch, she decided that she'd heard enough. Her beaded bag turned out to be useful once again, as it provided her with an interesting book to read. Hermione was really glad that she decided to take her textbooks from the sixth year with her when she had been packing for her journey with Harry and Ron. It turned out that even in 1976, the list of the textbooks looked pretty much the same and all it took was to charm them not to show their real publication dates. 

It made her feel much better to know, that the money that she'd earned working in Honeyduke's in Hogsmeade could be spent on a new wand and robes rather than massive amounts of books. She didn't want to catch more attention than she already did and walking around in clothes from 1998 would certainly do just that. If it wasn't for her delicate situation and the need to keep her past a secret, she would be completely fine with getting picked at for wearing  _weird_ clothes, as long as it would mean that she wouldn't need to squeeze into this super tight flared jeans which every girl seemed to be wearing.

"Why are you reading a textbook?", Sirius asked her after some time, when they had run out of subjects and James decided to take a nap.

Judging by the clear amusement in his eyes, he'd found her reading material very funny.

"Because I want to?", she answered in a slightly questioning tone, pretending that reading a textbook before the school year had even begun, was completely normal.

"Yeah, but  _why?_ "

"I like to know things. A lot of things, actually"

Hermione blushed a little and furrowed her brows. Since when being a bookworm ashamed her? The extensive knowledge she possessed had saved her ass multiple times and it wasn't as though grades were her only motivator. Sure, she enjoyed being praised by all the professors (except from Snape, of course) but it wasn't a priority, not anymore at least. Hermione knew more than well that there was a life outside Hogwarts, even if for her it turned out to be absolutely shitty.

She shouldn't feel like a child caught red-handed, since there was nothing wrong in studying and knowing things. The amusement visible in the Marauders eyes had her feeling very self-conscious though and she snapped the book shut.

"I also like to know things", Sirius laughed and sent her a very suggestive glance.

' _Merlin, does he ever stop flirting?'_ , she thought, looking at him with wonder.  _'Probably not. He's Sirius Black, after all'_

"Please... No one wants to hear about those  _things_ ", Remus groaned and looked at Sirius with exasperation.

"Oh, I don't know. Hermione could be interested"

The girl rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Sorry, Sirius, but I think that it's not my area of expertise"

"It's never too late to learn, yeah?"

"It's also never too late to shut your mouth and let others sleep, yeah?", James murmured from underneath his pillow and made everyone chuckle.

"You should have packed during the day, like a normal person. Not my fault that you stayed up half the night, cause you weren't able to find matching socks", Sirius stated with a smirk and Hermione couldn't help but share his expression.

"Matching socks are very important", James defended himself, his head showing up from underneath the pillow as he looked at all of them with an offended stare.

One minute later, he was fast asleep again, his quiet snores making everyone laugh. The rest of the journey went on as smoothly as possible and before she even realized it, Sirius informed her that she needed to change into her school robes. He also offered his help in that matter, although she was pretty sure that he did that only to see her blush like crazy.

When she exited their compartment and turned right in order to find a bathroom, she collided with someone and landed on the floor.

"Watch where you're going", a familiar voice snapped at her and she looked up with annoyance only to find a much younger Severus Snape staring at her angrily.

"You were the one storming through the corridor", she answered and pushed herself up, massaging her aching buttock. "Are you alright?"

The surprise was clear in his dark eyes, as he looked at her suspiciously. She raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms on her chest, waiting for his response.

"Yes. You?"

"No irreversible damage", she stated with a smile and shrugged. "What's your name?"

"You're new here?", Snape asked completely ignoring her question and she rolled her eyes in response.

"Well, I must be, since you have never seen me before, right? Hermione Granger, it's nice to meet you, although also a bit painful", she joked, extending her hand towards him.

Snape eyed her hand with a distrustful gaze, as if she was trying to kill him with that polite gesture. Finally, he decided that she was harmless and squeezed her hand lightly.

"Severus Snape"

She had to admit, meeting a young Potions' Professor was a very weird experience, albeit still more pleasurable than meeting Pettigrew. If anyone had told her that talking to him with such ease, she would probably never be able to stop laughing  and there she was - chatting with a man who turned out to be a hero, after he almost destroyed everything...

"Well, Severus, I hate to say it, but I have to go change into my robes. I guess I'll see you around then, yeah?"

The boy nodded in response and walked past her without as much a goodbye, the only thing missing were his billowing robes. She fought the urge to roll her eyes at this familiar behaviour and resumed her search for the bathroom. Minutes later, dressed in her school robes, she headed back to the Marauders' compartment. Ignoring all the stares she got it turned out to be really hard, since they'd become even more intrusive than before. It didn't take a genius to figure out that she must've been new even before, but the lack of the House emblem on the front of her robe made it even clearer.

When she stepped into the compartment, her whole body was tensed and highly uncomfortable and the boys noticed that almost immediately.

"Hermione, what took you so long? Is everything alright?", James asked with worry shining in his brown eyes and she forced herself to smile at him.

"Yes, sorry. I bumped into someone and we've talked for a while", she explained, hoping that they won't ask questions.

It didn't take a genius to figure out that Snape and the Marauders hated each other. Back in her times, even after years of isolation, they couldn't stand being in the same room, which was often the cause of fights between them. Sirius always looked at him like he wanted to murder the Potions' Professor and Snape snarled every time Black opened his mouth. She figured that their mutual hatred must have gone a long way back, which made mentioning him now a very bad idea.

Though her hopes were not high to begin with, curiosity in Sirius' eyes has diminished them to none at all. When the boy opened his mouth, she instantly knew that she would have to do a lot of explaining, as she had no intentions of lying.

"Oh, who was it?", Sirius asked and Hermione shrugged.

"He said his name was Severus Snape. Do you know him?"

A deadly quiet set in the compartment and Hermione blinked a couple of times, pretending not to understand this weird behavior.

"Guys?"

"We know him, unfortunately. You should stay away from him, love. He's dangerous and completely bonkers", stated Sirius and Hermione furrowed her brows.

"Is he? He certainly didn't look like it. Maybe he wasn't the most pleasant, I'll give you that, but I don't think he'd hurt me"

"Last year he called Lily a Mudblood. And she had been friends with him for a long time. That is, until he found himself new friends, and trust me, you don't want to mess with them", James said clearly angry.

"What are they, serial killers?", she snorted and everyone looked at her with grim expressions.

"Yes, actually. Cause that's what you call soon-to-be Death Eaters"

James' voice was very gloomy and Hermione started to wonder if the Marauders really were so innocent and careless as she originally thought.

"Are you telling me that Severus is one of them?", she asked trying to sound very skeptical, as her eyes traveled from one boy to the other.

"I wouldn't be surprised. He dabbles in Dark Arts and his dueling skills are way above average. Someone must have taught him that, yeah?"

Hermione bit her lower lip, trying to figure out a relatively safe answer, that wouldn't raise any suspicions but would also prevent the boys from snapping at her if she tried to defend Snape. Finally, she sighed and said:

"He didn't look all that dangerous. Maybe he just made a mistake, you know? When he called Lily a Mudblood, I mean"

"No way! All she wanted to do was to defend him and he made her feel like shit", James growled looking enraged and Hermione supposed she couldn't blame him.

She knew that Harry's mother was fiery and full of temper, but still, according to Remus, Harry inherited not only her eyes, but also her kindness. For someone so delicate on the inside, someone who tried to do everything to protect other people, having been called a Mudblood by a friend must have been a blow straight into the heart. It was rather obvious that James would not be able to walk past it as if nothing ever happened.

But why was she defending Snape or rather from who? When she asked that question, the compartment became quiet once again. Hermione raised her eyebrows, expecting someone to answer, but they clearly didn't want to talk about it. She could see the guilt on Remus' face and that was enough for her to figure it out on her own.

She shook her head and turned towards the window, a look full of disapproval painted on her face. Sure, their hatred wasn't a secret. But somehow she still cherished the thought that they were good people, that fought against Lord Voldemort to save the wizarding world from an awful fate. And tormenting Snape didn't really fit into this perfect image of them that her mind had created even before she went back in time. It was much easier to just assume that it was Snape's fault, that their relations looked the way they did, but it was also very unfair, as it turned out.

"Hermione, you have to understand, that Gryffindors and Slytherins don't exactly tolerate each other", James tried to explain after he has noticed her expression.

"What if I'm sorted into Slytherin?", she asked quietly. "I know that it probably won't happen, considering my blood status, but still, what if? Will you hate me then? Call me names, perhaps?"

"Of course not! We're not idiots! There are no chances at all that you're going to be a Slytherin and it's not because of your blood status. You seem like a very kind person, someone who apparently is much like Lily. And the Slytherins are  _vile,_ Hermione. You'll know that soon enough", Sirius stated firmly and she looked at him carefully.

He seemed really moved by her question and it proved to her that she was indeed right thinking that they were good people, even in these times. The dark-haired boy looked very offended at her assumption and it made her feel ashamed to the point where she felt blush creeping up her cheeks.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply that you're so shallow to just push someone away only because of their House. I just... I'm not really a fan of bullying", she admitted grudgingly causing Sirius to snort.

"We're not bullying Snivellus. He's a creep! Trust me, in a few years we will probably hear a lot of nasty things about him"

"You can't know that! I mean, the fact that you're calling him names and talking about him like he's a piece of trash probably doesn't help him stay on the right path, don't you think? I get all that Gryffindor versus Slytherin thing, but there must be something else that got you lot to hate him so much. I refuse to believe that he was a  _creep_ and a  _Death Eater in making_  since the beginning of school", she said against her better judgment.

Getting into fight with the Marauders even before the year had officially started was a really bad idea. After all, her main objective was to  _save them_  not  _piss them off_. Sure, she didn't need their friendship to change the course of history, but she  _wanted it_.

"He was always a creep. He followed Lily everywhere or kept staring at her all the time, completely bonkers", James shook his head and Hermione furrowed her brows.

"Didn't you say that they had been friends?"

"Yeah, but it always seemed like he wanted a lot more than just friendship. He couldn't understand that him and Lily could never work out", he rolled his eyes and Sirius chuckled loudly.

"You've seen him, Hermione. He's not even near her league"

"Oh, cause that's not shallow at all", she hissed before she could have stopped herself. "Had he ever hurt her before? Had Lily minded his attention?"

Nothing but silence answered her questions and she looked at the Marauders with anger boiling in her eyes. So far it seemed that they started to hate her future Potions' Professor based solemnly on the crush he had. Pure accident decided that Potter started to fancy the same girl, making Severus the  _creep_. Not that bugging the poor girl for five years to go on a date with him wasn't creepy at all.

"You guys... You're unbelievable", she murmured and started to pack her things as the train started to slow down.

Her hands were shaking from all the pent-up emotions rushing through her body and she was pretty sure that they could see it. She couldn't help it, though... The disappointment she felt was so strong that she really struggled with not bursting into tears. They were Harry's family, Harry's, who would never shame somebody just because they fancied the same girl. Hell, he even managed to be on friendly terms with Cedric Diggory while he was still infatuated with Cho.

' _James is not his son',_ she thought to herself and tried to ignore the stabbing pain in her heart, when she realised how awfully depressing it was. And she would have to live with that knowledge till the end of her miserable, fucked up life.

* * *

Hogwarts was as beautiful as it had been the first time she'd laid her eyes on it. She could never forget the sight of this gigantic castle emerging on the horizon filled with billions of stars. It was simply breathtaking and Hermione found herself wishing she could just go back to that precise moment, to relieve it once again.

What she wouldn't give to be able to see the castle without the memories of Battle flooding her brain like a very contagious disease. If she hadn't spent her entire summer inside these rock walls, going back would be almost too hard to endure.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?", a voice asked her and she turned around to find herself face to face with Remus, who looked at her apologetically.

She couldn't blame him, considering the fact that both James and Sirius left the compartment murmuring incoherent goodbyes. If it didn't hurt so much, she would definitely find it ironic, since Sirius was very offended by being called 'shallow' and this word seemed to fit perfectly into this situation.

It wasn't like Hermione couldn't understand their actions though. Being the new girl made her highly uncomfortable but also not exactly entitled to have her own opinions on matters such as James' and Sirius' behaviour, as she didn't know them all that well. Actually, there was no doubt in her mind that Alastor Moody would probably yell at her for an hour straight if he found out about her fight with the Marauders. It was completely unnecessary and put her in a difficult position. She should have kept her thoughts to herself, instead of blabbing her mouth like that.

"Yes, it is. I kind of expected it to be a lot like Beauxbatons, but my former school was nowhere near this incredible", she admitted, pushing her thoughts aside and smiling his way.

Remus took a step forward and put his hand on her shoulder, looking down at her.

"Hermione, I'm really sorry about James and Sirius. They don't really take criticism well, especially if it makes them feel like a pair of idiots they actually are"

Hermione giggled and waved her hand, dismissing his apologies.

"Well, I can't say that my actions were smart either. I have troubles with keeping my mouth shut and, this time, I should have done it. Even if I was right"

"You were... I used to dislike Severus very much, but now... I kind of feel a little responsible for what he had become. Maybe if we weren't so cruel to him...", he stopped talking for a moment, letting his guilt speak for him. "Anyway, Sirius and James will come around, I'm sure of it. You just embarrassed them and being the kids they are, they decided to run away. They're not exactly the most mature people"

"Yeah, I've noticed", she admitted and smiled, looking up to gaze at the stars. "But they are also good people and it makes me really angry with myself, because they didn't deserve such harshness"

"They probably didn't", murmured Remus and sent her an unsure look.

Hermione smiled in response, making the boy relax visibly as he reciprocated her gesture.

"Well, let's go. The carriages are waiting and you have to get to the castle before the ceremony"

Hermione followed Remus feeling grateful that at least one of the Marauders acted decent. She had always liked him, as he was one of the sweetest and most caring people she had ever met. He was also really smart and talented, making him a perfect candidate for a teacher. If only Snape had kept his mouth shut, maybe he wouldn't have to quit his job and their defensive skills would be much bigger.

She tried not to show how much pain she felt when they approached the carriages and for the first time in her life, Hermione looked at the Thestrals. Judging by Remus' worried look, her sadness managed to seep through the peaceful mask she had created. Concealing her emotions was always the hardest part of her training. Moody tried to rattle her every time and she was supposed to control her temper. She found it quite easy when she felt anger, even if her earlier display proved otherwise. But when it came to the feelings she hid deep inside her heart... That was when things got very tricky.

"What's wrong?", Remus asked carefully, watching her closely.

"Nothing", she answered, her voice completely hollow. "Let's just go"

Young Messer Lupin was smart enough to keep his mouth shut, something that none of his other friends would have done and she was immensely grateful for that. Silence was all she needed right now, as her memories once again fought to capture her attention. Instead of just letting herself fall apart, she watched as the castle grew bigger and bigger, replacing her sorrow with anxiousness.

She really didn't like the idea of being sorted in front of every student. The Sorting Hat would probably be baffled by her memories and Hermione really feared its reaction. What if she got sorted into Slytherin, despite her heritage? It wasn't common, but it could happen, especially since Salazar Slytherin was known for so much more than just his ideology. And what if she became a Gryffindor once again? Could she really endure living in the same tower that she shared with her two best friends for such a long time?

Her mind was overwhelmed with all the questions that kept popping into her head and she squeezed her eyelids shut, trying to calm herself. Breathe in, breathe out... Breathe in, breathe out...

Remus must have seen her weird behaviour as he chuckled lightly and patted her shoulder in a comforting gesture.

"Don't worry, Hermione. I'm sure that you're going to be just fine"

"You don't know that", she groaned in response causing Remus to roll his eyes.

"A bunch of eleven year olds can do this and you're chickening out?"

"Yes"

A cheerful laughter escaped his mouth, making her whole body relax. Merlin, how rare it was for him to laugh. After she had realised it all this time ago, she decided to saviour every moment when his defences disappeared and he allowed himself to let go of all this pent-up fear and anxiousness that accompanied him every day. And right know he laughed so effortlessly, so joyfully. How could she be nervous after seeing  _that?_

"Seriously, Hermione. You're going to be just fine", he repeated and this time, she believed him.

They walked through the entrance together and when she had asked him to show her the way, he complied with a warm smile. She tried to look amazed and stressed at the same time, even though the familiar walls managed to calm her even further. Just one month ago they made her feel trapped and depressed, as all she could have seen were dead bodies lying everywhere, looking at her with their hollow eyes. It was Dumbledore who made her see past all of the terrors that took place here. He had been walking with her through every single corridor, talking absolute nonsenses and somehow it helped her remember that these walls meant everything to her once. It was her home and she refused to let Voldemort ruin it, as he had done with the rest of her life.

Remus left her with Professor McGonagall who looked much younger than she remembered. She wore ruby red robes and Hermione couldn't help but smile at this obvious sign of allegiance. The McGonagall she'd known was much more reserved, but Hermione thought she actually liked the bolder version of her favourite Professor.

"Miss Granger, welcome to Hogwarts", the woman greeted her with a tight smile and Hermione nodded.

"Thank you, Professor"

"I'm afraid that we have to wait here for a while. The boats should arrive any minute now"

Hermione nodded once again and took a deep breath. This was it. In an hour, she would be resorted into her House and her new life would officially begin. As much as it pained her to leave the past behind, she felt as ready as she could to do so. The possibility of her life turning out to be even worse was so slim that she actually started to look forward to the future, even if it made her feel scared and insecure.

The first years arrived shortly after and professor McGonagall started her usual speech, which sounded almost exactly as Hermione had remembered. Apparently, some things wouldn't change, not ever. When the older woman left them for a moment, Hermione felt that everyone started to stare at her with curiosity mixed with fear.

"You're not eleven years old, are you?", a little boy asked her with suspicion and she chuckled in response.

"No, I'm sixteen"

"Then what are you doing here? Did you fail the sorting test so many times?", another voice asked her with panic and Hermione shook her head, trying not to scare this little girl even more.

"No. I am a transfer student, which means that I am as new here as you are", she explained with a warm smile and the girl relaxed instantly.

"Did they kick you out?", the same boy asked her, making Hermione raise her eyebrows in amusement.

"No, I just decided to switch to a different school"

The boy nodded and then he leaned towards his friend and whispered:

"I bet they kicked her out"

Hermione giggled once again, but stopped very quickly as McGonagall came back and gestured them to move forward. The Great Hall was as breathtaking as ever, but honestly, she felt way too nervous to pay attention. All she could see was the Sorting Hat lying safely on a chair at the top of the few stairs leading to professors' table. Her nervousness got even worse when the whispering started...

" _Look, I told you that she's new here"_

_"What is she doing here?"_

_"I heard that she's from France"_

The students wouldn't shut up and Hermione did everything in her power not to send all of them a couple of murderous stares. She knew that she could pull those off very well, as Harry and Ron often told her she was scary as hell if she wanted to. ' _Dangerous thoughts, Herms'_ , she told herself off and tried to fade all of the comments out. Their opinion didn't matter, she had a reason to be here and putting an old hat on top of her head was the easiest part of the task lying ahead of her.

The time passed quicker than she thought it would and soon she found herself standing alone in the middle of the Great Hall. She looked up to see the Headmaster stand up and raise his hands to quiet everyone down.

"First of all, I'd like to welcome all of you to Hogwarts. As you can see, this year is definitely going to be special, as we have to sort a student that is quite older than eleven years old", he stated and smiled at her from above his half-glasses. "Miss Hermione Granger is a transfer student from France, where she attended Beauxbatons Academy of Magic for five years. She will be joining the sixth years and I can assure you, she's more than prepared to do so. But right now, we have to sort her into her new House. Minerva, if you please"

Professor Dumbledore sat down and allowed Professor McGonagall to resume the Sorting Ceremony. The woman smiled at Hermione once again and urged her to go forward. Mere seconds later, Miss Granger was sitting on the chair with the Sorting Hat lying on top of her head. 

Hermione expected that the Hat would talk and talk, as it usually did. Instead, her mind was quiet. She moved nervously and looked at professor McGonagall, who didn't seem all that concerned. ' _Of course not, no one besides you should be hearing anything',_ she thought to herself and then she heard the Hat chuckle. Out loud.

Whispers erupted in the Great Hall as no one had ever seen something quite similar and Hermione couldn't help the blush that showed up on her face instantly.

' _I must say that I'm baffled, Miss Granger. You clearly have memories of me and of this place, but I've never met you before and I'm never wrong. I can see that you were in Gryffindor. Yes, yes, you fit there very well. Your bravery and loyalty are truly admirable, just as the sacrifices you're willing to make to ensure your friends' safety. But you're also incredibly smart and hungry for knowledge. Yes, it's very difficult to sort you'_

Hermione started to feel very anxious. She was sitting on this damn chair for so long that she actually could feel how terribly uncomfortable it was and it did nothing to calm her racing heart.

_'I felt good in Gryffindor'_ , she suggested hopefully and the Hat chuckled once again.

' _But what about Slytherin, my dear?'_

_'Sure thing. I'd love to be there. If I had any suicidal thoughts'_

_'I see. Yes, the Gryffindor suited you well, but I feel like this is not the path you should be taking, girl'_

_'What?!'_

_"_ RAVENCLAW!", the Hat yelled and cheers erupted in Great Hall, leaving Hermione completely stunned.

She was a Ravenclaw. How did that happen?


	4. Chapter 4

There was no need to get panicky, right? After all, it was not like the Hat had sorted her into Slytherin, or even Hufflepuff. Besides,  being sorted into Gryffindor once again scared her just as much. The Hat really couldn't be blamed for its choice. Even the first time round it wanted to sort her into Ravenclaw and she could easily spot some features of her character that fit there perfectly.

Hermione kept telling herself that, trying not to notice all the stares she earned. It was bloody annoying, to say the least and now that her mood faltered so noticeably it got even worse. The only thing stopping her from showing her displeasure was a group of eleven year olds that got sorted into Ravenclaw. Listening to their constant babbling soothed her, as it reminded her of her first feast at Hogwarts. Besides, Remus was right saying that if they could do it, she would too.

Not being able to stop herself, she looked up and scanned the Gryffindor table in order to find familiar faces of the Marauders. They were laughing loudly and talking to each other, completely unaware of the fact that she was staring at them. It was quite rude of her, but she couldn't help it. How she wished she could sit with them without having to worry about fitting into a new House. She wasn't very good at making friends and the fact that she didn't know any Ravenclaws that attended Hogwarts at this time made it even worse. The young Marauders were strangers, but she knew so much about them that talking to them felt almost natural.

Just as she wanted to avert her gaze, Sirius' grey eyes found hers and a warm smile graced his face. Well, it certainly seemed that Remus was right and young Messer Black wasn't going to stay mad at her forever. She reciprocated his gesture and then looked away, deciding it would probably be best if she focused on her food and then found someone who could show her to the Ravenclaw Tower, instead of stalking the Maruaders.

Hermione finished her food, feeling as though she would puke if she ate anything else and raised her head to see if the feast was coming to an end. Some people were still eating, but most of the students kept chattering cheerfully, waiting for professor Dumbledore to call it a night and send them to their dormitories. She sighed out loud and propped her head on one elbow, staring monotonously at the table. Finally, the food disappeared and professor Dumbledore stood up, ready to bid them farewell.

"I hope that your stomachs are fully satisfied, as it is time for you to get some sleep. The school starts tomorrow and I expect all of you to do your best this year! But right now it's time for you to get to your dormitories. Prefects, please escort our new students to their beds! Good night!"

Everyone started to move around, trying to find their way to the exit and Hermione caught herself wanting to do the same. She almost cursed out loud when a first year old asked her suspiciously if she knew where she was supposed to go. Fighting a blush, Hermione shook her head and looked around trying to find a Prefect from Ravenclaw.

Finally, a smiling girl approached them and waved her hand enthusiastically.

"Welcome, everyone! My name is Amelia Bright, but you can all call me Amy! I'm a Prefect and I'm at your disposal if you need any help at all", she stated and Hermione couldn't help but smile.

That girl was really sweet. Her blonde her reminded her of Luna's, but her green eyes glowed with excitement rather than dreaminess. She was also very short and tiny, making her cute as a button. Of course, Hermione knew better than to tell her that as it would probably be taken as an insult rather than a compliment, but nonetheless, the Prefect looked like someone who could certainly bring light into her new life.

"Follow me everyone and try not to stray away. The castle is very mischievous when it comes to new students", the girl giggled lightly and then spun around, making her way through the remaining crowd.

Hermione complied and joined the girl, who seemed surprised by her presence.

"Oh, I completely forgot that you don't know your way as well. You're Hermione, right?"

"Yes, Hermione Granger. It's nice to meet you"

The girl grinned at her widely and said:

"You have no idea how happy I am to meet you! You're sixth year, yeah? That means that you'll probably going to share dormitory with me and my friends. Ever since Mary's parents decided to move and took her with them, it's been so weird and lonely... Although I can't say that an empty bed didn't come in handy. We're all such awful slobs that our clothes are scattered everywhere most of the time", the girl kept babbling and babbling reminding Hermione of someone else she used to know.

' _Oh God, it's Lavender Brown all over again'_ , she thought to herself with horror and then snorted quietly. ' _At least that one won't steal the guy you like... Since he's dead and you're as single as ever'_

"Anyways, the girls will be so happy to have someone else in our room! Can't wait till I introduce you to our traditions! I'm telling you, Friday nights are always soooo great! We're having tons of fun and all"

"Does she ever shut up?", a familiar voice whispered from behind and Hermione couldn't help but giggle, knowing that it was the same boy that questioned her earlier before the Sorting Ceremony.

"Yes, she does!", spat Amy and shot him an angry glance, before returning to her normal cheerful smile. "I'm sorry, Hermione. I'm just really excited and when I'm excited I talk a lot"

"Yeah, I've noticed. But that's okay. It makes me much less stressed, to be honest", Hermione admitted and smiled at the girl.

It really did. Even though Lavender Brown was not her favourite person, she was still familiar. And Amy didn't seem even half as bad as the girl that Hermione used to share her dormitory with. She was a Ravenclaw after all, which certainly said a lot about her intelligence.

"Being a new girl sucks, yeah? I figured... You looked absolutely mortified when you were sitting on that chair with a Sorting Hat on top of your head. Honestly, what took you so long? Did the Hat required your  _curriculum vitae_ , or something?"

"No. It was pretty weird actually, since most of the time, it has been quiet", she shrugged and Amy furrowed her brows.

"Yeah, pretty weird. Maybe that's because that Hat has no idea how to deal with someone who's not eleven years old", she offered and Hermione shrugged once again.

"It doesn't matter. It did sort me, in the end"

"I think you're going to love it here in Ravenclaw. I know that we seem like very boring people, but I don't think that's the case. We are just much more complex and complicated than most of the students. We have  _issues_ , you know", Amy whispered and Hermione raised her eyebrows with amusement.

"What issues?"

"Well... For example, most of the boys are scared of us. You know, our brains work on completely different level and it can be pretty intimidating", she laughed and Hermione rolled her eyes.

Of course,  _boys were an issue._ Her sixth year had been a true disaster as she had to listen to Lavender and Parvati going on and on about guys, Quidditch players, eligible bachelors and all that crap. And then Lavender started to talk about Won-Won all the time, which made her jealous and nauseous at the same time, turning her life into a nightmare.

"No, but seriously. We're kind of that misunderstood fraction that everyone claims to know without really giving a shit about the truth... When you're a Ravenclaw you're doomed to be a big-headed nerd that doesn't do anything but reading", Amy said with a gravely expression and Hermione felt blush creeping up her face.

Maybe she really was a Ravenclaw, after all? Cause that sounded  _a lot_  like her.

"Isn't it true?", she asked and Amy furrowed her brows.

"Of course not!", the girl exclaimed with indignation. "Most of the time..."

Hermione couldn't help but laugh out loud, which made Amy giggle as well. Soon, they fell into a comfortable silence that allowed Miss Granger to look around carefully, as she was probably supposed to do, being the new girl. She soaked in the sights of familiar walls and corridors, letting herself drown in memories. Yes, this castle was definitely so much more than just pile of stones. ' _Home_ ', she thought once again and smiled nostalgically.

Her peace didn't last long though, as she felt someone wrapping his arms around her shoulders, giving her a huge scare.

"What the hell?!", she gasped and looked straight into Sirius' grey eyes.

Her heart was racing against her chest and she shot him an angry glance.

"Sirius, a little warning would be nice"

"Oh, you know each other?", Amy asked and Hermione didn't have any trouble recognizing the unhealthy excitement in her voice.

"Yes, we're on our way to becoming best friends"

Sirius' voice was filled with amusement, but Hermione couldn't help but to blush at his statement.

"We've just met", she reminded him and looked at Amy. "They've helped me with my trunk and invited me to their compartment"

"Invited? More like, kidnapped you and gave you no other choice than to sit with us", Sirius corrected her, making Amy chuckle. "Anyway, I wanted to make sure you're alright, seeing as the old Hat decided to separate you from us"

"Yeah, I almost died out of disappointment, but I think I'm okay now"

Her voice was laced with irony, but Sirius decided to completely overlook it as he smiled fondly and said:

"Oh, sweetheart, I knew you loved me already, but this is really cute"

"Shut up... And you should probably get back to your dormitory. From what I've heard today, we're not allowed to stay outside our common rooms after the curfew"

Barking laughter filled the air, as Sirius tilted his head back. Hermione knew very well that the word 'curfew' meant nothing to any of the Marauders but she had to keep the appearances, so she furrowed her brows and looked at him expectantly.

"You're so innocent, love. I totally dig that", he finally winked at her and seconds later, he was gone.

Heat rose to her cheeks, when she caught Amy's jealous stare. Judging by what she'd said earlier, the lack of attention from boys really  _was_ an issue and Hermione just got hugged by Sirius Black, who was probably one of those guys that every girl dreamt of.

"What?", she asked pretending not to know what Amy was thinking about.

"You have no idea how much I envy you. That man...", she sighed and her eyes became dreamy for a second.

"I'm going to puke", the eleven year old stated firmly and Hermione giggled once again.

Amy didn't look all that happy at his comment, but she sent Hermione a suggestive glance that seemed to say: 'We're going to talk about that later', and kept her mouth shut. After few more minutes, they have finally reached the stairs leading to the Ravenclaw Tower. Hermione was really grateful for the training she had during the summer, otherwise she would find the climb very exhausting. No wonder she had never seen a Ravenclaw student that would be rather on the plump side...

When they've finally reached the top, most of the eleven year olds were panting loudly, while Hermione's breath was only slightly quicker. ' _Thank you, Mad-Eye. You've been a huge pain in the ass, but my ass had never looked better'_ , she thought to herself and tried not to giggle.

Amy seemed to be in quite good shape as well, as she turned around and smiled brightly, reminding Hermione of a light bulb.

"All right. I know that the journey is very tiring, but I need you to focus. The door behind me is the entrance to our Common Room. As you can see, it has a handle that's shaped like an eagle, a symbol of our House. In order to enter the room, you need to solve a puzzle that is given to you by the eagle"

"Solve a puzzle? What kind of a puzzle?", one of the children asked with curiosity, while the others looked at Amy with pure terror on their faces.

"Well, as a Ravenclaw you are required to use your brain at all times. The eagle will require you to do just that and give him a correct answer to a logical puzzle", Amy explained, but the children didn't look any better.

"It can't be that hard. Considering the fact that the Sorting Hat put us all in the House known for its students intelligence, you should have no problems at all", Hermione added and smiled reassuringly.

"And how would you know? Aren't you new here?"

Oh dear, that little boy really was something. He fit into Ravenclaw perfectly, with all the questions that floated around his mind.

"I'm as new as you, I told you that. But that doesn't mean that I'm not also right, you know"

"Hermione is correct, actually. The riddles are not that hard, especially if you have to solve them few times a day. I have to warn you though, if you can't find the right answer, you'll have to wait till someone does it for you or lets you in from the inside. And now...", she said and spun around, facing the eagle that looked at her instantly.

"We see it once in a year, twice in a week, but never in a day. What is it? _"_ , the eagle asked and Amy grinned confidently.

"The letter 'E', I believe"

The door immediately flew open and Amy gestured them to come inside. Hermione instantly noticed that her new common room was much bigger than the one she had previously shared with her friends. There was also no ruby red colour to be seen anywhere, as the whole room was decorated with brown and blue accessories. Nonetheless, Hermione found it quite cosy and decided that she'd rather liked it.

"Okay, everyone. Welcome to our common room! The most important thing about it is that you can spend all the time you want in here, but you  _cannot_ leave it after the curfew. Breaking this rule can be very painful not only for you, but for your House as well. As for your dormitories... The ones that belong to the girls are on the right side and boys on the left side. Of course, each door is labelled with names of everyone who's staying there, so you won't have any trouble at all finding your own bed. Your trunks are already there and I suggest you to go to sleep as fast as possible. Tomorrow, the school starts and you need to get up a lot earlier if you want to make it in time to classes. Trust me, it's going to be difficult at first. Feel free to ask anyone for help. Do you have any questions?"

Hermione was really impressed with Amy's speech, as she knew more than well that it wasn't easy to stand in front of a bunch of kids that were more interested in looking around and doing... basically anything that didn't require focus and attention. The girl seemed to be very good at her job as a Prefect and it made Hermione like her even more.

"No questions? Then off you go!"

Before Hermione could say anything, Amy's hand was wrapped itself around her wrist as the girl started pulling her towards the stairs. Their dormitory was very high up and Hermione decided to stay quiet in order to breathe regularly, as Moody had taught her. Before they've reach the end of the stairs, one of the doors flung open and a tall girl showed up on the threshold.

"I'm so excited! Come on, quickly, we can't wait to meet her!", she squealed hysterically and Amy sighed with annoyance.

"Calm down. Don't you see she's right behind me?"

Hermione was really surprised seeing the other girl so excited, as apparently, she was the main reason for it. She couldn't tell if it made her feel really happy or really crept out. When the stranger moved aside to let them in, Hermione found herself in a tight embrace that made her highly uncomfortable

"Grace, for fucks sake, you're choking her with that death grip of yours", another voice reached Hermione's ears and she felt an instant spurt of sympathy towards its owner.

"Oh, sorry, sorry... I'm just so excited!", Grace apologized and grinned so widely that Miss Granger was worried that all of her teeth will simply fall out.

"Yeah, no shit", the second voice snorted once again and Hermione turned around to face the girl.

She was quite tall and her posture seemed completely laid-back. Her hair was dark and extremely short for a girl and, considering her lack of make-up, she probably liked looking like a boy. She was very pretty though, with her pink, plump lips and eyes blue as the sky.

"I'm Leslie", she introduced herself and extended her hand towards Hermione. "And that freak that nearly killed you is Grace"

"I prefer Gracie!"

Miss Granger turned to look at the smiling girl and took in her appearance. And Merlin, there really was  _a lot_ to look at. That girl could basically be a model; tall, lean, incredibly shapely and beautiful. Her face was pretty angelic, even considering her raven-black hair. She was a female version of Sirius Black and that made Hermione feel really envious.

"It's a pleasure to meet you both", she stated and smiled warmly, ignoring the nasty feeling poisoning her mind.

"You have no idea how happy we are! I mean, it was pretty great to have the dormitory to ourselves, but after our friend switched schools, it was so quiet in here..."

"Quiet? With you? You have got to be kidding me. I swear, I have no idea how that place is still standing", Leslie laughed and plopped onto her bed.

"Shush, Les! You don't want to scare Hermione, do you?", Amy told her off, making Hermione giggle.

"It's alright. I'm used to mayhem"

They had no idea how true that was... And they never would. Even though, Hermione thought that the girls were rather pleasant variation of chaos and that she would actually enjoy living with them.

"With that hair of yours, you certainly have to", murmured Leslie and grinned at her. "I had the same problem, so I've..."

"...cut them all of. And there, problem solved!", Amy chirped, earning herself a murderous stare.

"Yeah, it doesn't matter that you look like a boy", added Gracie and rolled her eyes.

"I still have boobs, you know. Guys dig that, although you wouldn't know, since you don't have any", Leslie spat back, making Amy laugh like a crazy person.

Hermione couldn't stop herself from giggling, when she had noticed Grace's outrage, that obviously wasn't all that serious. Her new roommates acted a lot like the Marauders and it made her feel pretty awesome. She didn't usually connect with girls that well, Ginny being the exception, but those seemed really nice and easy-going. Certainly, it was nothing she'd expect from a bunch of Ravenclaws.

"Sorry, Hermione. I mean, you must be tired and really stressed out. We should probably shut up and let you unpack yourself and go to bed"

Miss Granger smiled at Amy gratefully and finally managed to look around the dormitory. Her bed was situated near the window, judging by her trunk standing right next to it. She immediately walked towards it and plopped down on the floor in order to open the lock. The girls looked at her with curiosity, as she started to unpack in the traditional, Muggle way. Of course, for someone who wasn't raised in a Muggle household, it seemed only like a waste of time, but she found it very calming and soothing. It reminded her of where she came from and how valuable her heritage actually was.

Even if they found it strange, no questions had been asked. Instead of prodding her, girls started to chat about their holidays and the upcoming year.

"I think it will be bloody fabulous!", Amy stated and Gracie sighed dreamily.

"I totally agree... I mean, have you seen all these boys? They must have really worked out during the summer..."

' _Merlin, here we go...'_ , Hermione thought to herself and rolled her eyes with amusement.

"Speaking of boys, did you know that Hermione had travelled to Hogwarts with the Marauders?! I mean, Sirius Black has even flirted with her when we were on our way here!", Amy exclaimed, making Hermione blush terribly.

"It didn't mean anything. From what I've noticed, he's completely unable to stop himself from doing that", Hermione shook her head and kept unpacking her trunk.

"Are you kidding me? Yeah, he does flirt a lot, but he seemed genuinely interested in you and that doesn't happen all that often"

"James called him a man whore, so I kind of doubt it"

"Man whore he may be, but still... He likes you. Likes as in enjoys talking to you and stuff like that", Amy pinpointed and Hermione turned around just in time to see her triumphant glare.

"So what? It's not like I'm interested in him... He seems fun and I don't have anything against being friends with him, but really, I know better than to fall for his pretty eyes and lopsided grins. Besides, there's no way he's really interested", she shrugged, dismissing their ideas.

"What are you, nuts?! Have you seen this man?!", Grace squealed again and Hermione sent her an amused glance.

"Yes. And honestly, if you like him so much, why won't  _you_  talk to him?", she asked, furrowing her brows.

Leslie started to laugh maniacally and Amy seemed equally amused.

"Oh, she tried last year. It didn't go so well..."

Grace's face turned scarlet red and Hermione looked at her with curiosity.

"Yeah, I've made a complete fool out of myself. He mistook me for a second year... He said I was freakishly tall for someone so young"

"I told you, guys dig boobs...", Leslie kept laughing, making Grace even more flustered.

"What is he, blind? You're absolutely gorgeous", Hermione stated and earned herself a timid smile.

"Thank you, Hermione, but I don't think that I'm in Sirius' type. Despite what everyone is saying, he tends to be very picky with girls"

"Yeah, it almost seems as he's looking for that special one and can't find her", Leslie rolled her eyes and chuckled. "Don't try to romanticize everything and everyone. He just likes to shag"

"Les, do you have to be so blunt all the time?!", Grace yelled, waving her hands frantically.

"Yeah, someone in this madhouse has to..."

"I'm going to remind you that the next time we're having our Bookish Friday!", Grace spat at the short-haired girl, making her blush furiously.

"What's a Bookish Friday?", Hermione immediately asked, hoping that the subject would finally change.

Not that talking about Sirius was terrible, but she really didn't want to think about Harry's godfather walking around the school and picking up every girl he would see. And even more, she didn't want to think about the possibility that he's going to try that with her...

"Oh, it's a tradition! We came up with it back when we were in our second year. We used to read all those romantic novels. But now we sort of... Modified our tastes"

"Thank Merlin!", Hermione stated with a pure relief, what made everyone giggle and exchange suggestive glances, which Miss Granger didn't like  _at all_.

"Yeah. We've switched to reading romantic novels with a lot of smut in them", Amy giggled with twinkling eyes.

"And then we've just dropped the 'romantic novel' part and decided to read outright smut", Leslie laughed and Hermione's eyes went wide.

After few moments of silence, she finally managed to choke out:

"You're kidding, right?"

The girls chuckled and shook their heads simultaneously.

"Of course not... We're bookworms, after all, aren't we?", Amy stated proudly and other girls nodded.

"I'm a bookworm too! And I definitely don't read  _porn!"_ , Hermione gasped and looked at them with pure disbelief.

"You don't... But you will", Leslie assured her and smiled mischievously.

' _Oh boy... This cannot be real_ ', she thought to herself, staring at the girl with her mouth wide open. Here she was, a witch that was destined to change the future, sitting on her dormitory's floor and talking about reading smut.

Just when she thought that her life couldn't get any weirder...  _this_ must have happened.


	5. Chapter 5

Her head hurt. Hermione always hated sleeping in a new place and apparently, that rule applied to Hogwarts as well. Even though the Ravenclaw Tower seemed quite cosy, it was really hard for her to sleep, knowing that in just few hours the old Hermione Granger would be inevitably gone. Her brilliant mind was something that couldn't go unnoticed and she was well aware of that fact... There was no going back from it, as Hermione Granger would soon be described as the brightest witch yet again, but this time, she will be the brightest witch of the '70s. ' _Hermione Granger - making flared jeans look smart since 1976',_ she thought to herself and slapped her forehead with her palm. Sleep deprivation really did nothing to help her get herself together. She really hoped that this day would be over soon, or else she would end up embarrassing herself in front of the entire school.

It was still so early, that the common room had been entirely empty. The new Ravenclaw felt truly grateful for that, as it allowed her to sink into her own thoughts, not caring if anyone would see her seriousness. Despite her roommates enthusiasm concerning the upcoming year, she knew better than to just wave her hand and embrace the unknown. Her task was way too complicated to be careless, as meddling with time was a very dangerous thing.

Even if the future had already been altered, she couldn't just tell everyone what was going to happen to them in her times. No, she had to be smart and cunning, so that they would be strongly convinced that the choices they'd made were truly their own, not dictated by the fear of dying or hurting their friends in the future. It was, by far, the most difficult part of her task, as the temptation to just blurt out the truth to the Marauders was almost too great to ignore. Her life would be so much easier, if she could just stop pretending.

"Hello there!", a polite voice reached her ears, making her jump up with her heart racing inside her chest.

"Merlin, you scared me...", she gasped and looked at the boy who sat in the armchair facing her own seat.

"Sorry. My name's not Merlin, though", he laughed and Hermione rolled her eyes.

"What is it, then?"

"Ewan. Ewan Hughes. It's nice to meet you. Hermione, wasn't it?"

Ewan extended his hand towards her and smiled warmly, making her relax entirely.

"Yes. Hermione Granger, this school's new attraction", she murmured and sighed, making him laugh again.

"You'll have to get over it, I'm afraid. For such a prestigious school, we surely gossip a lot"

"It's hard not to notice it. I didn't get much sleep last night because I was too busy trying to soak in all the information that my roommates gave me", she chuckled lightly and Ewan nodded with understanding.

"You're very lucky to be living with that bunch of lunatics. I'm pretty sure that their previous roommate didn't change school because of her parents. It was to run away from them", he whispered theatrically and Hermione did her best not to burst out with laughter.

"Well, it's good that I'm very stubborn and resilient"

"We'll see about that. So, you came here from France, right? How was it?"

"It was a school, with students and professors inside", she stated seriously and Ewan raised his brows with amusement. "No, but really, Beauxbatons is nothing compared to Hogwarts. Although I can't say I hated it there", she shrugged, earning herself a curious glance.

"Why switch, then?"

Hermione fell silent and averted her gaze. She had practiced telling her cover story to the point when it became almost natural, but still... Sharing that with someone she had barely met didn't seem appropriate. Talking about the death of her parents wasn't supposed to be easy, nor should it come lightly.

"Personal reasons", she managed to say and bit her bottom lip.

Ewan's eyes lit up with understanding and he scratched his head, looking at her apologetically.

"Sorry, it's not any of my business. I just... Well, I was curious. We don't get transfer students all that often"

"Don't worry. I just... It's hard for me to talk about it", she offered with a weak smile and Ewan shook his head.

"No, seriously, I get it. Although I have to say that you're going to get used to the questions... We're Ravenclaws after all!"

Hermione's smile widened, as she looked at the boy sitting in front of her. He seemed really nice and she felt that people from this House must really be much more pleasant than she had originally thought. It served as the ultimate proof that Amy was right saying that they really were misunderstood and misjudged most of the time. It was something, that Hermione could relate to very well.

Harry and Ron had been her friends for a time that felt like an eternity, but they had never understood her passion for books and studying, just as she couldn't understand their Quidditch enthusiasm. Their friendship worked really well, but she completely gave up the hope that one day they might actually listen to her going on and on about theories and various magical laws. Maybe here she could find friends that would be able to do that? Maybe being a Ravenclaw would turn out to better than she thought.

"Anyways, it's still early but if you want, I can show you some of the castle and then lead you to the Great Hall for breakfast", Ewan offered and Hermione smiled gratefully.

"I'd like that very much"

* * *

 

The Great Hall was already full when they got there. Hermione found Ewan really smart and easy-going, as he talked about Hogwarts' history effortlessly and with a smile plastered on his face. Even though most people would find that really boring, Hermione always liked history. Hogwarts was such an incredible place, that listening about its past felt almost like being sent back through time once again, but his time, not against her will.

She thanked Ewan for showing her the castle and parted ways with him, as his friends have been seated in a different section of the table, as they were in their seventh year. Hermione quickly made her way towards her roommates and sat down with a huge grin on her face.

"Hey, stranger! Where were you?", asked Amy and Hermione glanced towards Ewan who was looking at her as well while talking to his friends.

"Oh, I met Ewan there and he offered to show me around", she explained and Amy sighed.

"You do realize that he's the Quidditch captain of our team and like... probably one of the most attractive guys here? But like, attractive in that nerdy, Ravenclaw way", she purred and Hermione shook her head.

"Do you ever talk about anything else than _boys_? Ewan's very nice, but honestly, I don't really care if he's even Merlin himself", Hermione stated and furrowed her brows.

"Which is probably why he likes you. He doesn't go out very often, as apparently he refuses to be treated like a piece of meat", Gracie explained and looked at Hermione carefully.

"Good for him!", cheered Leslie and shoved her fist into the air. "He's like a feminist trapped in male body"

Hermione looked at Leslie with amusement, while Amy and Gracie sighed with exasperation.

"For fucks sake, it's not like we're ripping his clothes off, yeah? We just like to look", Grace tried to talk Leslie down, but the short-haired girl wouldn't have it.

"It's objectification, if you ask me. Not very pleasant when it's done to you, isn't it?", she said with a scowl, making Amy roll her eyes.

"Oh, shut up. You have to spoil the fun every single time", the blonde muttered, but had no intentions of pursuing the subject anymore. 

Everyone fell quiet and Hermione couldn't help but to look at Leslie intently. The girl seemed as calm and laid-back as ever, but Miss Granger found her behaviour really peculiar. One did not simply defend someone like that, if it wasn't for personal reasons and that worried her greatly. Had someone mistreated her? Is that why she chose to look as boyish as possible?

Leslie's eyes crossed her own and she sent her a tight smile, that made Hermione turn away her gaze. Nosiness was hard to tame, but the girl knew better than to prod Les about it. She wouldn't be happy if someone started to question her against her will, so she decided to let the subject slide.

"So anyways... We've forgot to ask you. What classes are you taking?", Amy cleared her throat and asked Hermione with a smile.

"Oh... Yeah, I think it's going to be Defense Against the Dark Arts, Charms, Trasfiguration, Potions, Arithmancy, Ancient Runes and Herbology", she recited and the girls looked at her with curiosity.

"Are you planning on becoming an Auror?"

"Maybe. I don't know yet. It's just that those classes were my favourites, maybe except from Herbology, but I decided that it would be reasonable to choose it nonetheless"

"That's a lot of classes. But hey, if anyone can pull it off, it's a Ravenclaw!", Gracie stated cheerfully and pointed her fork at Hermione, spilling her pumpkin juice all over Amy in the process.

"What the fuck, Grace?! How on Earth has anyone thought it would be a good name for you, if you're literally the clumsiest person I know?", the blonde raged, while Grace was trying to dry her robes with a spell.

Her hand was shaking too much from laughing, so instead she turned them pink, making Amy even more flustered. Hermione tried to hold back laughter, seeing that the colour of Amy's face now matched her clothes. She picked up her own wand and waved her hand while muttering an incantation, making everything go back to normal and shook her head with amusement.

"You're unbelievable", muttered the blonde girl and shot Gracie an offended glance.

It did nothing to spoil everyone else's moods, especially when the Marauders appeared in the Great Hall, catching the attention of every student and teacher.

"HELLO SCHOOL! WE'VE MISSED YOU TERRIBLY!", James yelled as loud as he could, making everyone chuckle.

Hermione shook her head when the boy threw his arms into the air and tilted his head back with his eyes closed in pure ecstasy.

"Ah, the smell of sausages and toasts.., Nothing quite as beautiful as this. Maybe except for Lily!", he stated and another roar of laughter rolled through the hall.

Hermione instantly looked at the Gryffindor table and searched for red hair, that would undoubtedly belong to James' love. When her eyes laid on a beautiful girl that was now incredibly angry and embarrassed, she knew it had to be her.

"Did he just called her as beautiful as sausages?", Leslie chortled and Amy nodded with a purely terrified look on her face.

"Oh boy, Evans is going to kill him"

How the hell could James expect to win Lily over with that sort of behaviour? It sure had been hilarious, but it wasn't exactly... well, flattering, to put it mildly.

"Mr Potter, could you please take your seat and stop causing such a raucous?", professor McGonagall stood up and asked James with a grievous voice, but Hermione could have sworn she had seen a smile tugging at her lips.

Sirius pushed his friend forward, laughing madly while tears kept rolling down his face. If she didn't know any better, she would think that they were both drunk.

"They are completely bonkers... Honestly, this school would be so boring without them", Leslie giggled and Hermione couldn't agree more.

Hogwarts seemed like a completely different place and it was undoubtedly thanks to the Marauders and their infectious happiness. It was almost as nothing bad was going on in the outside world and Miss Granger found it incredibly tempting to just let herself drown in that overwhelming feeling of joy.

* * *

"Welcome to yet another year at Hogwarts. I must say, I'm very pleased with your exam results and I expect you to do equally good this year", a stern voice of Minerva McGonagall immediately captured the attention of everyone in the classroom.

Hermione couldn't help but to feel weird, sitting in the exact same place that she had been occupying back in her times. The only thing that differed was the lack of her two best friends at her side. Instead, Amy and Leslie sat behind her desk and Grace shifted impatiently next to her.

Apparently, the classes were something that truly brought out their nerdy nature, as the girls were finally quiet and listened to every word with great focus. Hermione was really glad that they weren't entirely obsessed with boys and hormones coursing through their bodies.

"This year you're going to be required to work very hard as in each class you'll have to practice your nonverbal spells", professor McGonagall stated and looked around the classroom. "Can anyone tell me what those kind of spells are?"

Hermione's hand shot upwards almost immediately, which earned her a couple of curious glances.

"Miss Granger..."

"A nonverbal spell is a spell which is performed without saying the incantation out loud. It requires extreme focus, as you have to visualize the spell and its destined outcome and combine it with the correct wand movement", she recited without hesitation and received a satisfied smile from McGonagall.

"Correct, Miss Granger. 10 points to Ravenclaw. Now, can you tell me why are the nonverbal spells so important?"

Hermione raised her hand once more and professor nodded at her, allowing her to speak.

"It's very useful especially in a duel, as it is hard for the opponents to figure out what kind of spell you are going to use, which gives you a huge advantage. It also allows you to mislead them, because the incantation that you say out loud doesn't have to be the one that you actually cast. Also, nonverbal spells used correctly are much faster to cast, once you practise often enough to make them feel as natural as breathing", she explained and smiled contently, when Professor McGonagall looked at her with appreciation.

"Very good. Seems like you really were the top of your class at Beauxbatons. Another 10 points to Ravenclaw. And now... I want you to take your rat and turn it into a cup, using only nonverbal spells. Just as Miss Granger had said, it requires a great focus and I don't expect that any of you will succeed during this lesson. Nonetheless, by the end of the semester, it will be necessary for you to use those spells decently at least. Now, get to work", professor McGonagall finished and everyone stood up and went towards the cages standing at her desk.

Hermione didn't look even half as pessimistic as the rest of the class, since nonverbal spells were nothing new to her. She expected everyone to ask her a lot of questions after the lesson, since she had no intention of pretending not to be able to do this. It would be much easier to explain that she had already learned them at Beauxbatons than to constantly control her actions. Casting spells without incantations had become so natural for her, that she almost didn't need to focus. Stopping herself from doing something so effortless would be really hard.

Instead of practicing, she decided to look around and check everyone's progress. All of her housemates were doing their absolute best to hone that skill as fast as possible, but it didn't turn out to be all that simple. Frustration and even anger were painted all over their faces and Hermione smiled nostalgically, when an image of Ron waving his wand impatiently appeared in her mind. Professor McGonagall was very displeased with him, as he managed to stab his rat and make it squeal in pain.

"Miss Granger, why aren't you practising?", Transfiguration professor asked her, with her brows furrowed and Hermione looked down, slightly embarrassed.

"Well, I've already practised nonverbal spells at Beauxbatons", she admitted and McGonagall sent her a surprised gaze.

"How is that possible? As far as I know, the students in France learn those spells in their sixth grade, just as it is at Hogwarts"

"Yes, but I wanted to challenge myself and had learned how to do it last year", she made up quickly and blushed.

Her pink cheeks seemed like an obvious sign of embarrassment, but Hermione knew that it wasn't the case. Even for someone so ambitious, learning how to cast spells nonverbally was a bit difficult. She should have been more careful and thought about a reasonable explanation much earlier. Moody wouldn't be pleased with her sloppiness.

"Is that so? Well then, by all means, please demonstrate your skills"

Hermione couldn't blame McGonagall for being sceptical. In her impressive career as a Hogwarts professor, she probably hadn't seen anyone who would possess this kind of skills so early on. 'Well then, let me change your mind', she thought to herself and raised her wand, focusing on her rat.

A flick of her wand was enough to begin the transformation. Hermione watched with satisfaction as the rat turned into a golden goblet incrusted with beautiful red stones. It was absolutely perfect and Hermione couldn't be more proud of herself. She smiled contently and raised her eyes to look at professor McGonagall, who watched her with amazement.

"Miss Granger, this is... Simply outstanding! 50 points to Ravenclaw! I don't think I've ever taught a student that would be able to use nonverbal spells with such ease only in the beginning of their sixth year", the woman praised her and this time, Hermione's blush was entirely from embarrassment.

"Thank you, professor", she said quietly and smiled timidly.

"Outstanding. If you please, Miss Granger, I'd like you to help other students"

Hermione nodded her head and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself.

"That was brilliant, Hermione!", Grace whispered looking at her with a flushed face.

"Yeah, absolutely wicked. 70 fucking points in one class. What are you, a _god?_ ", Leslie asked and patted her shoulder from behind, making Hermione giggle.

"Miss Donaghue, it would be much appreciated if you would get back to your task and stop swearing, otherwise your House will lose all the points earned by Miss Granger", professor McGonagall's stern voice scolded Leslie, causing the girl to mutter few uncensored words so quietly, that only Amy had heard them and tried to mask her laughter with coughing.

Several minutes later, all the students started to pack their things as the lesson came to an end. Hermione felt so happy, that she couldn't care less for the stares that she received, mostly from the Slytherins. They all looked very angry and Hermione wondered if it had anything to do with her blood status or it was solely her skills' fault. She had no doubt that they must have known about her being a Muggleborn, as there was no Pureblooded family by the name of 'Granger', even if she had often been taken for a distant relative of Hector Dagworth-Granger. Even if they knew, at this moment she was way too happy to worry about it.

"There's no way in hell that the Gryffindors are going to beat us this year. They might be Quidditch stars, but with you earning points like this, they have no chance!", Amy laughed and her other roommates nodded their heads enthusiastically.

Hermione couldn't help but grin, even if those kind of statements made her feel terribly responsible. After all, she was allowed to make mistakes, just as the rest of them. Although hers would probably be much painful, even if no one besides her would ever realise that.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that", a cold voice said from behind their backs, making them stop instantly.

Hermione turned around and found herself face to face with a tall boy, whose expression could only be described as 'terribly unpleasant'. She furrowed her brows, noticing some other students standing beside him, reminding her a lot of Malfoy and his entourage consisting of Crabbe, Goyle and Parkinson.

Suddenly, the tension in the air became very noticeable, as other students started to form a circle around them. ' _Merlin, this is not good. Not good at all",_ she thought grimly and smiled against her better judgement.

"Well, it's only the beginning of the year. Anything could happen, yeah?", she asked cheerfully. "I don't believe we've been introduced. Hermione Granger"

The boy looked at her extended arm and sneered. Ah, so they really knew about her blood status... The news traveled faster than she'd originally thought they would. She lowered her hand after a while and raised her brows.

"That's not very polite, you know? Someone might think that you haven't heard of proper manners"

"What would you know about manners, Mudblood?", the second boy spat, making everyone gasp in disbelief.

The girls standing beside her instantly covered her with their bodies, looking at the Slytherins with rage.

"Take that back, you asshole!", Leslie yelled and Hermione put her arm on the girl's shoulder, trying to calm her down.

Boy, that girl had temper. _A lot_ of temper, actually.

"Stand down soldier", Hermione joked and pushed the girls aside. "I'm going to pretend that I didn't hear that and you're going to pretend that you need to go somewhere else very quickly", she stated with a tight smile and turned around, deciding that it probably wouldn't be a good idea to stay and teach them a lesson.

"You should be careful, Mudblood. I'm not going to let someone like you to talk to me like that"

She gritted her teeth and clenched her fists. That guy seemed to be a lot worse than Malfoy, since the ferret had always managed to sound funny and pompous as hell, but this guy over here... He was dangerous. His dark eyes were filled with hatred and disgust and made Hermione feel very cold.

"You mean, someone so much more intelligent than you, right? Because otherwise I would be really offended and, just in case you'd forgotten, I can cast nonverbal spells that are especially useful in duels", she informed him with a sweet smile, making him even more pissed. "What's your problem anyway? I didn't do anything to you. If you don't like my blood status, then go to hell, instead of picking fights you obviously can't win"

Having said that, she turned around and wanted to walk away, when she heard movement behind her back. Her hand grabbed her wand and put up a Shield charm before anyone could interfere.

The guy that cursed her fell to the floor, completely immobilised, while the rest of his friends started to walk backwards, clearly afraid of her. Whispers erupted from the crowd, but Hermione couldn't care less, her anger so huge that she felt her hair frizzing.

"Here's a suggestion for you, asshole. You should go to a library, borrow a dictionary and then look up a definition of a coward. I feel like you could really relate to it on a very personal level. Cause only cowards attack someone from behind", she hissed with fury and then turned around and started to walk away, her steps fast and energetic.

The crowd stepped aside, letting her walk through, but she couldn't ignore the cheers that erupted from it. Her roommates trailed behind her, laughing loudly and it made Hermione feel a little better.

"Holy fuck, you're unbelievable!"

"Yeah, absolutely badass!"

And she really felt like it.

* * *

 

Hogwarts was a very fascinating place. For a castle this big, the rumours travelled incredibly fast in here. When Hermione had entered the Great Hall, hoping to finally get some rest and fill her stomach with delicious food, it turned out to be completely impossible.

The whole room went quiet and then erupted in whispers. ' _Oh, great... All I wanted was to get promoted from a new girl to a freak'_ , she thought and scowled, trying to ignore everyone and everything. She plopped down on her seat and was greeted by the glowing smiles of her roommates, that seemed to be very proud of her.

"Hello there, superwoman", Gracie chirped and raised her hand in order to high-five her, but changed her mind as soon as she had noticed Hermione's glare.

"I really don't want to talk about it. I hate being stared at"

"You should have thought about that before you went Medieval on Mulciber", Leslie chortled and Hermione sighed.

"So that was his name. The asshole hadn't even introduced himself"

The girls started to laugh, but Hermione kept stabbing her food with anger. She really had to be more careful. Dumbledore had warned her about showing her true potential too early... And here she was, a _superwoman_ that couldn't keep her fury in chains. ' _Way to go, you bloody idiot'_. Since when had she been so temperamental anyway? Sure, she'd punched Malfoy in her third year, but still... She usually preferred to be a diplomat, someone who could always contain her emotions in order to figure out the best course of actions. Apparently, traveling back in time and nearly losing her life had bigger impact on her than she could have thought. Nonetheless, it had to be dealt with as there was no way in hell that she would save anything or anyone if she got killed by Death Eaters even before she had actually started to do anything useful.

Having lost her appetite completely, she sighed and pushed her plate away. She stood up and said:

"I'll meet you guys back in our dormitory. I think I'm going to hit the library"

With that, she walked away not waiting for a response. She had been so caught up with her thoughts that she hadn't even noticed that someone followed her outside the Hall. Hermione almost screamed in terror when an arm wrapped itself around her waist.

"Hello there, kitten!", a very smiley Sirius Black greeted her and she sighed, trying not to punch him.

"Why have you done that?! Don't you think at all? I could have..."

"... cursed my balls off? Yeah, I heard you're capable of that", he chuckled and looked at her with that lopsided grin that made her heart skip a beat.

"Sirius, I'm really not in the mood", she said and sighed tiredly.

"Yeah, I've noticed. That's why I decided to cheer you up!"

"By scaring me to death and reminding me of the fact that I broke the rule of not duelling in corridors and had managed to do so during my first day at school? Thank you, my friend"

"Oh, stop it, you. I think I'm blushing like a virgin. And for the record, I, most definitely, am _not_ a virgin"

"I don't want to hear that", she muttered, causing him to laugh.

He fell quiet for a moment, but didn't let go of her waist and she found that she really didn't care. What was the point in trying to fight that infuriating man? They walked next to each other for a minute or two and then Sirius steered her to the left, into a corridor that definitely did not lead into to the library.

"What are you doing?", she asked suspiciously and Messer Black looked at her with a huge grin.

"You like chocolate?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Because we're going to get some", he stated and smiled even harder.

How did his cheeks manage not to explode with all that smiling, she had no idea. Instead of trying to wrap her mind around it, she decided to just let him take her wherever he pleased, as his company felt much more pleasant than she thought it would.

A couple of minutes later, they had finally arrived at the portrait of a pear and Sirius tickled it slightly, opening the door leading to the kitchen. Hermione managed to look very surprised when she had noticed the House Elves running around the room, trying to prepare some more food for the students that were still feasting inside the Great Hall. As soon as they walked into the kitchen, a small creature approached them and squealed with happiness:

"Master Sirius! Meeny is very happy to see Master Sirius! What can Meeny get Master Sirius?"

"Two hot chocolates, Meeny. Thank you very much"

He then pulled her towards the table and sat her down on the chair. Hermione looked at him with amazement, making him giggle.

"How did you find this place?"

"I'm a Marauder, love. This castle doesn't have any secrets I wouldn't know of"

"Oh, really?"

"Really. Might show them to you, if you play nice. Meaning, you actually won't curse my balls off. I feel like I'm very attached to them"

Hermione's mouth twitched as she tried to stop herself from laughing, but finally she gave up, making Sirius smile triumphantly.

"See? Told you, I'd cheer you up"

"Thank you", she rolled her eyes. "What would I do, if you hadn't come to rescue me?"

"You would go to the Library and read yourself to death", he stated firmly and Hermione shook her head.

"Now that I think of it, I actually fit into Ravenclaw perfectly. I could read books all day"

"Me too... Especially _Kamasutra_ ", he laughed at her expression and winked at her. "Just kidding. Probably"

Hermione decided to let that comment slide and started to ask him some relatively safe questions. She didn't even notice the time passing by, but when they both got to the bottom of thneir cups of chocolate, Sirius stood up and smiled at her gently.

"I hate to say it, but I think it's time to get back"

Hermione followed his actions and reluctantly moved towards the exit. Sirius opened the door for her and put his hand on the small of her back when she crossed the threshold, making her want to roll her eyes. She was entirely convinced that he did that only to feel her up, but she wasn't going to complain. After all, he made her feel so much better that she probably would have to find a way to make it up to him.

"Sirius...", she said quietly and stopped in the middle of a corridor.

He looked at her with curiosity and raised his eyebrows.

"Thank you. I really needed that"

"I know. I always go to the kitchen when I'm having a bad day and it always helps a bit. I would be grateful, though, if you didn't tell anyone about it. This could be our little secret", he winked at her and then his expression changed, making her shift uncomfortably.

He walked towards her and stopped just inches in front of her.

"And for the record. What you did to Mulciber was pretty awesome", he said quietly and then leaned forward, his lips right next to her ear. "You have no idea how hot it was..."

A moment later, he was gone and she was left alone with her racing heart and his scent lingering in the air, making her feel lightheaded. That man... She was pretty sure he could convince a rock to go out with him, if he wanted to. And Hermione _definitely_ wasn't a rock.


	6. Chapter 6

Peaceful Friday was all she needed. Her mind kept wandering to the moment when she would finally be able to surround herself with tons of books in the library, not having to endure constant stares.

One could think that being a novelty would wear off pretty soon, since she really hadn't been  _that_ interesting in her own opinion. Ever since that incident with Mulciber, Hermione did everything she could to stay away from trouble. Being stupid didn't go well with her plan to fix the future and drawing unnecessary attention to her person definitely could be described as such. The Library had become her asylum, the only place where people left her alone with her thoughts and even here she couldn't shake off the anger that resided in her body since her first day of school.

Luckily, her roommates seemed to understand her pretty well, as they have completely abandoned the plan to force her to attend their...  _Bookish Friday_. Hermione had no doubts that having to spend an entire evening listening to their giggles while reading one of these ridiculous books would be the end of her. She would officially go mental. 

"Hi!", a sweet voice reached her ears, making Hermione almost murderous.

She was just on her way to the library. Her day was supposed to be  _perfect_. How did that girl dare to spoil that?! Miss Granger turned around, ready to tell the girl off, when she noticed those beautiful emerald eyes, that she had been looking into for the past seven years. Lily Evans, Harry's mother stood in front of her, smiling gently.

"Hi", she answered, immediately abandoning her plan to kill her.

"You're Hermione, right? News travels fast in here, and I heard a lot about you"

The Ravenclaw rolled her eyes and pursed her lips, trying to remain calm. Of course Lily had heard of her. Everyone in that bloody castle had.

"I figured", she stated dryly and forced herself to relax a bit.

She didn't want to scare her off, after all. Even if it meant having to postpone her Friday evening plans... So be it.

"Oh, I'm sorry... I didn't mean to make you angry. I'm Lily Evans, a Prefect from Gryffindor", she introduced herself and smiled timidly, making Hermione feel very guilty.

That girl seemed to be sweet, gentle and completely undeserving of Hermione's murderous mood. The Ravenclaw smiled apologetically and shook Lily's hand.

"It's nice to meet you, Lily. You didn't make me angry. Everyone else managed to do that much earlier", she admitted, making Miss Evans' eyes light up with understanding.

"I know how you feel. Since Potter and Black talk a lot about you, I figured you must know that I'm the victim of very unwanted affection.

"Unwanted and very loud affection", Hermione pinpointed, making Lily scowl. "Yeah, James seems to be doing everything wrong in that matter"

"He's terrible. Immature, childish, vain and doesn't listen to a word I say... So, yeah. I know how it feels to be stared at all the time. It's one of the reasons I wanted to meet you. Just so you'd know that not everyone treats you like some kind of exotic animal"

Hermione felt the residues of her anger melting away and couldn't help but smile fondly. Harry was so much like her. Oh, Merlin, how she missed him. She'd give everything to be able to talk to her best friends. But that wasn't possible and she had to find a way to keep her feelings inside of her aching heart. Maybe being friends with Lily would actually be the remedy she needed so much?

"Thank you, Lily. You know what, I was just on my way to the Library. Do you want to join me?", she offered and looked at the girl with uncertainty in her brown eyes. 

 "I'd love to!"

The Ravenclaw grinned and turned around to resume her walk towards her sanctuary. Lily caught up to her immediately, smiling lightly and allowing the comfortable silence to settle between them. After spending her entire days with Leslie, Gracie and Amy, she appreciated Lily's serenity much more than she probably would have otherwise.

They've walked into the Library and picked out a table for two, making themselves comfortable. Hermione could almost feel as though she had been there alone, as the redheaded girl was focused on her own essays and research, looking up only to see if her new studying partner was still present. The Ravenclaw didn't even know how much time had passed before one of them decided to say something, but judging by the darkness taking over the horizon, it must have been quite long.

"Hermione... Can I ask you something?", Lily muttered quietly, making Hermione jerk her head up with confusion painted all over her face.

"You just did", she stated and then blinked a couple of times, realising that it probably wasn't a proper response.

She blushed a little and shook her head.

"Sorry, Lily. You woke me up from a studying trance", she admitted, making Lily chuckle. "Sure, ask away"

The redhead fell silent for a moment and then let a pained sigh escape her mouth.

"You probably won't like it, but... I wanted to ask about Mulciber"

Hermione's brows twitched, as she tried to remain calm. Questions about that git weren't exactly her favourites. Nonetheless, Lily looked positively haunted by whatever was on her mind, so Miss Granger decided to just ignore her own exasperation.

"What about him?"

"Well... It's just that he's really dangerous. Dangerous  _and_ incredibly skilled at duels. And you managed to kick his ass. That's kind of admirable. Not because you beat him, but because of the reasons behind your actions. You're a Muggleborn, yeah? Just like me?", she asked and Hermione nodded, looking the girl intently. "I know that it must've been really hard to stand up like this... Half of the Slytherins want you dead, and the other half wouldn't mind if their housemates succeeded. Aren't you afraid of what they might do to you?"

Okay, Hermione definitely didn't expect  _that_. Her eyes grew wide, as she kept staring at Lily with amazement. In all those stories she had heard about young Miss Evans, the redheaded girl never lacked bravery or courage. That woman gave away her life to save her only son, and she had been only 21 at that time. She stood up for those who couldn't do that on their own... So where did all that famous courage go?

"It's not that I'm not afraid. When Mulciber looked at me, I felt shivers running up my spine and those weren't pleasant. But no matter how scary he might be, how vile and dangerous... I can't let him win. If I hadn't stood up to him, I might have as well admitted that he was right. And we both know that that isn't the case", she explained quietly and closed her book, suggesting Lily that she was okay with continuing the subject.

"Ever since Severus has called me a Mudblood, I can't shake off this feeling... Feeling, that I'm in danger and I can't do anything about it. The war is coming and people like me... Well, like us, actually, are You-Know-Who's target. And that makes me so scared that sometimes I can't sleep at night..."

"There's nothing wrong in being scared"

"No, but there is something wrong with being impassive. I feel like I should be doing something to oppose them. Something that would make them realise that I'm worth so much more than any of them. But every time they pass me in a hallway, I freeze", Lily whispered and Hermione's heart clenched in pain as she had spotted tears filling her emerald eyes.

She was a perfect picture of a normal, teenage girl that didn't deserve bad things happening to her. She was beautiful, smart and incredibly talented. Her life was only beginning, a bright future spreading ahead of her. And yet, here she was, trying to make a choice between giving up and fighting; an impossible decision that no one should be forced to make.

Hermione suddenly remembered her fourth year, when Harry arrived back from the cemetery with Cedric's dead body lying in his arms. The horror of that exact moment haunted her dreams for a long time, before she finally accepted what it had truly meant. Voldemort was back and she had to fight if she didn't want her friends to die. She had to sacrifice her life in order to ensure the safety of everyone that was dear to her, just as those who weren't even born yet.

Looking at Lily, who had just started to realise that her choice wouldn't be much different, physically  _hurt._ It hurt so much, that Hermione wanted to scream in fury. That bloody bastard had to be destroyed, even if that meant killing him with her own bare hands.

"Lily. What I'm going to tell you now has to stay a secret. The only reason I'm telling you this, is the fact that I've faced those fears and choices and I know how terrifying they seem"

"What do you mean?"

Hermione took a deep breath and slowly rolled up her sleeve. Her forearm was smooth and unblemished, but all it took was a flick of her wand and the letters started to appear on her skin, forming a word ' _Mudblood'_. Lily gasped in pure shock, as her hand covered her mouth. Her eyes were glued to that uncovered part of Hermione's forearm, making Miss Granger shift uncomfortably.

She almost jumped when Lily's fingers traced the scar delicately and then entwined themselves with her own.

"My God, Hermione... Who did this to you?"

The Ravenclaw shook her head and bit her bottom lip.

"It doesn't matter. They were blood purists, just like Mulciber and his stupid friends. They had taken everything away from me and it almost killed me. But I decided to fight, so that the sacrifice of those who died to protect me, wouldn't be in vain. I know that this is hard, cruel and completely unfair, as none of us deserve it. But this is our life and we have to make it our own, even if that means finding the courage that no one expected us to possess"

"I don't think I have it, Hermione. I really think I don't. I couldn't even stand up to my sister and she has never threatened to kill me. She has never made me feel as helpless as them"

"You're not helpless. A woman's never helpless, not with all those feelings and doubts coursing through our bodies on daily basis. We question ourselves, but it doesn't make us stupid. It makes us smart. Only a fool is not afraid of getting hurt, of dying even. But all those fears and insecurities are the things that prove that life is worth fighting for. Not yours, not mine...  _Everyone's._ As soon as you realise that, nothing else will ever matter, because in order to save everything, you often need to sacrifice yourself. And that is an easy choice, Lily. The easiest choice I've ever made"

* * *

 

"Good morning, sleepyhead!", Amy's voice chirped, making Hermione's head explode in cascades of pain.

"It's Saturday. Do you really have to yell so loudly first thing in the morning?", she muttered, trying to cover her head with a pillow, but Amy took it away from her with laughter.

"Yes. You absolutely deserve that for ditching us last night in order to read your own books, which, for the record, are nowhere near as interesting as the ones we read yesterday"

The blonde stated proudly and smiled, making Hermione sigh in defeat. She somehow managed to sit up and blinked a couple of times, trying to make her eyes a little less blurry.

"Actually, I wouldn't have woken you up id it wasn't for the fact that the Marauders are standing outside our doors, asking everyone that passes if they could get you"

Miss Granger looked up and noticed a sly smile gracing Amy's lips, that could only mean one thing. Hermione would have a lot of explaining to do after she got back to their dormitory. Which made her strongly convinced that whatever the Marauders had planned for her, she'd rather do that instead of listening to her roommates' constant babbling.

Grudgingly, she made her way towards the bathroom in order to get herself at least presentable. She knew that James was probably going to ask her all about her evening with Lily and when she refused to tell him, the boy would switch to making fun of her hair, trying to get her as flustered as possible. Hermione noticed that due to her recent mood, it was incredibly easy to annoy her... And even easier to convince her to give up whatever information she possessed in exchange for peace and quiet. Not that James could ever be quiet.

Looking in the mirror turned out to be a terrible idea, as it made her feel even worse. Hermione felt as though each day was a  _bad hair day_  for her, but some were even more disastrous. James would never let her see the end of it. Biting her bottom lip, she decided to break her rules of not trying to look pretty for a boy (or a group of them) and walked back into the room, stopping in front of Amy with a pitiful look painted on her face.

"Could you please help me with my hair?"

As expected, the blonde girl squealed in happiness and run towards her with a wand already in her hand. Hermione had never paid much attention to beauty charms, but seeing Amy casting a spell after spell made her feel quite jealous. The blonde girl had always looked pretty in an effortless way, while Hermione felt as though a bird could live in her hair without having to actually build its own nest.

"You hair is so pretty, Hermione. I wish you would take better care of it. You'd probably look like a princess with that smooth waves of yours"

Nothing about her curls was smooth. They were frizzy and rebellious and didn't like to be taken care of, as Hermione knew perfectly well. They also refused to be cut, which made them even more annoying.

"Yes, Amy. My smooth waves are just as real as Leslie's manners. They're simply  _not there_ "

"You underappreciate me so much.  Go and see for yourself"

Hermione complied and walked back to the bathroom, sighing tiredly. She hoped that the mirror won't crack at the sight of her bird's nest.

She almost screamed as she realised that her hair had really turned into smooth waves that fell on her back gracefully. How the hell did that happen?! There was no charm that could make her look this beautiful. It took about two bottles of Sleekeazy's Potion to get them under control, and Amy had managed to do it with a couple of wand movements.

"How the hell did you do that? Are you a witch or something?!"

Amy laughed in response and smiled proudly.

"Why do you think my hair always looks so good? It's my family's secret. Apparently, we had this really weird obsession with beauty spells. My ancestors had used all kinds of charms that made them look much more attractive than they actually did. Call it cheating, but those spells are pretty incredible..."

"Yes, they are", Hermione admitted. "Any chance you could share at least one of them with me?"

"Absolutely not. At least not till you prove you're actually worth it!", Amy giggled, making Hermione roll her eyes. "And now, get dressed and get the hell out of here. I'm dying to hear about what they wanted."

Hermione shook her head with amusement, but decided to actually follow the girl's order and started to dress. Couple of minutes later, she was running down the stairs, wondering what the boys had actually wanted from her. Since the beginning of the school year, she had talked to them quite a lot, although she did her best to avoid Sirius. Or at least to avoid staying alone with him.

She still couldn't wrap her mind around his words. Sure, he had been a gigantic tease, but the way he looked at her... It made her body tingle all over. And she did not like that feeling at all. Hermione knew more than well that she wasn't resilient to all of the boys. Talking about them all the time had not been her favourite thing to do, but she would be lying if she had claimed not to be able to appreciate men's looks at all. And Sirius was really easy to look at.

It still did nothing to change the fact, that shortly before being sent back through time, she was in love with Ron, one of her best friends. He almost died to save her, just as she was ready to die for him. The kisses they had shared during their hiding were still so fresh in her mind, that even thinking about doing the same thing with Sirius made her feel guilty as hell.

Despite her guilt, she couldn't deny that there never was so much chemistry between her and Ron. Those kisses were pleasant and they had felt right at that time, but the moment they'd decided to move forward with their affections, things got really awkward. None of them knew if it had truly been love, but none of them wanted to die without finding out what it feels like to be with someone. Hermione wanted to blush furiously just thinking about how stupid it was, but back then, it felt right. It continued to feel that way during the battle, where they have said  _those_ words and actually meant them. Even after what turned out to be an unpleasant and awkward intercourse, she had still been sure that she had loved him.

With Sirius, it felt completely different. His lopsided grins made her feel hot and bothered, no matter how hard she tried to deny it. She had to constantly remind herself that he was no good for her, that he was her best friend's god father, but the longer she tried to convince herself that it had mattered, the more ridiculous it seemed. Even if he was Harry's god father, there was no chance that Hermione would ever be calling herself Harry's friend again. The 1970' were now her home and young Sirius Black, just as the rest of the Marauders had become a part of her life.

Still, getting involved with him wasn't exactly a good idea. He flirted with basically everything that moved and probably would never care for her enough to stay faithful. Besides, he gave no indications whatsoever that that situation in the corridor meant anything to him. She shouldn't read more into it than it probably had been.

With that thought, she left the Ravenclaw Tower and found the Marauders sitting on the stairs, talking to each other lightly. The moment they've heard the door opening, they've stood up and faced her, annoyance painted on their faces.

"Finally. What took you...", James started to scold her, but Sirius interrupted him.

"What the hell happened to your hair?!"

Hermione glared at him, when he stepped forward and tried to touch a strand of her hair.

"Don't! Amy's going to kill me if I ruin it", she muttered, pushing away his hand and trying not to flinch at the sudden contact of their skins.

"Yeah, but why did she do it?", he asked with his brows furrowed.

"Because I looked like a scarecrow and didn't want James to tease me about it till the day I die. Besides, I think I look pretty", she shot him an offended glare and crossed her arms on her chest.

"You look beautiful. It's just very different from you every day look", James protested instantly making Remus groan in disbelief.

"Thank you, James. I feel so much better now", she sighed and shook her head, when Harry's father flushed bright red when the realisation dawned on him.

"I didn't mean..."

"Stop it, mate. The words coming out of your mouth are only making things worse", Sirius snorted and smiled at Hermione. "You really look beautiful, though. It's just that your hair is so awesome and wild. It feels weird seeing you so tamed, kitten"

Hermione shrugged, desperately not wanting to blush. She couldn't determine whether she liked being called 'kitten' or if  she hated it. Sirius claimed that it was the perfect nickname for her, because of that thing with bloody Mulciber. He couldn't call her a lioness, because of her being a Ravenclaw, but kitten was perfect according to the Marauders. Even Remus started to call her that, although it didn't have nearly as much impact on her as when Sirius did it.

"I am not an animal", she murmured, but decided to let it slide. "So, can you tell me why I'm here?"

"Oh, that's because we're going to Hogsmeade and you're going with us!", James stated with a self-satisfied smile, making Hermione frown.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but Hogsmeade visit is scheduled for just before Halloween"

"No correction needed", Sirius shook his head, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"So, why are you going to Hogsmeade? And how are you planning to get there?"

Hermione knew about the secret passage leading straight to Honeyduke's, but decided to keep it to herself. It wasn't that it could blow her cover, but she simply couldn't wait to see the boys' faces when they realise that Hermione had actually worked there and knew about the passage all along.

"We have our ways", James said smiling mysteriously.

"And we want to let you in on that one, so you should really consider yourself lucky", Sirius added, making Remus snort.

Clearly, the Gryffindor Prefect hadn't been so keen on breaking the rules. Hermione knew that the only reason he decided to go with them, was to keep them out of trouble. Something Hermione herself had been very familiar with. Loyalty to her friends had always been much more important than her own well-being and the thought that Remus was so much like her made her smile fondly.

"Does that way of yours involve breaking rules?"

Sirius and James snorted loudly, and Peter giggled, catching her attention for the first time.

"Do you really have to ask? Of course it does!", Sirius exclaimed and shook his head with theatrical outrage, making Hermione sigh with amusement.

"You must know that I absolutely condemn breaking the rules when it is completely not necessary and..."

Before she could finish the sentence, Sirius picked her up and tossed over his shoulder. His hand landed on her thighs, as a terrified squeal escaped her mouth, when her head found itself upside down, with a terrific view on his buttocks.

"Sirus Black, let me go right now!", she yelled hysterically, making everyone laugh.

"Can't do, sweetheart! I feel like you would decide to ditch us, if I put you down and I absolutely condemn that"

Hermione tried to squirm as much as she could, until she felt Sirius' hand grazing her butt. She stiffened immediately and the boy chuckled lightly.

"Good girl...", he purred, making everyone laugh once again, while Hermione tried to calm her heart desperately.

Her resolution to stay away from Sirius hadn't worked out all that well, she thought to herself, staring at his ass with fascination.  


	7. Chapter 7

Hermione couldn't say that being carried by Sirius was completely unpleasant. Of course, it felt absolutely humiliating and she wanted to kill him every 5 seconds, but a least she didn't have to worry about betraying her secret that she knew the way to Hogsmeade all along. And the view...

No. She had to stop thinking about Sirius. Sure, he was a Quiddich player, a Beater at that, so he had to have a great physique, but still... There was no way in hell it would be enough to convince her that falling for him would be a good idea. Even if his thumb caressed her thigh in small circles, making her brain very fuzzy and unable to focus.

Hermione sighed and decided to speak up:

"You can put me down, you know. I'm not going to run away"

"Oh, but Kitten, I like having you on me", Sirius chuckled and bounced her up, causing her to grab his leather jacket in an act of panic.

"Stop doing that! I'm not a bag of potatoes!"

"Definitely. Potatoes don't wiggle like that", James laughed and Hermione sent him a murderous glare.

If only she could reach her wand without risking falling down... James would have the chance to learn more about potatoes from a first person point of view.

"Prongs, stop making her angry. She gets all tensed up and it really makes it hard to carry her", Sirius whined and James giggled happily.

"Then put me down, you idiot!", Hermione yelled, making Sirius sigh.

"I'm going to put you down when we get to the passage"

"What passage?", she asked instantly, trying to sound as curious as possible.

"How did you think we wanted to get inside Hogsmeade? Walking out through the castle's gate is rather impossible, without anyone noticing"

"I didn't think about it  _at all_! I have no idea how that school works", she snorted and relaxed her muscles, burying her face in Sirius' jacket.

He smelled really nice. So nice, that it was actually very easy to forget about her earlier decision to be tough and not let his charm get to her. She jerked her head up when a giggle reached her ears.

Remus Lupin stared at her with a knowing glance that made her blush furiously and furrow her brows angrily. He didn't seem to care and smiled at her gently. Oh great... Not only was she having troubles with keeping Sirius out of her head, now she would also have to worry about Remus and his ludicrous ideas. She knew more than well that convincing a werewolf to change his mind about something was a really painful and long process, which wasn't very optimistic.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Sirius put her down and grinned at her. That man hadn't even broken a sweat, although he carried her for a really long time. _'Guess that's what being a Beater would do to you'_  , she thought to herself and scowled. It really was quite impressive, actually, but Hermione decided that she was too much offended to praise his fitness. 

"You're never going to do that again, if you want your limbs to stay attached to your body", she threatened angrily and sent him a glare that probably would put even the Basilisk to shame.

"Yeah, yeah... Although I must say, having my limbs attached to your body was actually really nice. You have really great physique, you know. You work out a lot?", he asked completely seriously and Hermione flushed.

What was she supposed to say? 'Oh, yeah, you know... I've spent my entire summer being dragged through the mud by Alastor Moody. You heard of him?'

"She's more into brain exercising, Padfoot", James giggled. "And besides, you were supposed to carry her, not feel her up"

"Why can't I have both?", Sirius asked stretching out his arms and grinning contently.

"Fuck me", Hermione swore completely unlike herself and scraped her head with exasperation.

He made her  _crazy_ sometimes.

"Be careful what you wish for!"

Sirius' laughter was enough to send her over the edge. She grabbed her wand and flicked it, making Padfoot fall silent, despite his opened mouth. When he had realized that no sound was coming out of it, he pouted and looked at her with puppy eyes. Her resolve almost broke, but she decided to stay tough.

"Stop pissing me off! I know spells far worse than this one and I won't hesitate to use them! Unless you promise to behave yourself and stop laughing at my expense, you're going to get silenced every 5 seconds!", she stated and then finished the spell after seeing him nod in agreement. "And now, where are we going?"

Sirius looked at her dumbfounded, while James tried so desperately to stop himself from laughing, that his face got red, while tears kept rolling down his cheeks. Remus must have seen that and decided to take the lead, along with Peter, whose face was lit up with amusement. Hermione decided to follow them without sparing Sirius and James a second glance. Unfortunately, that didn't mean that her ears stopped working.

"Bloody hell, she's so hot. Reminds me of a hellcat", Sirius whispered, making James hiss.

"She can hear you, you idiot"

"It's not like she doesn't know that, I've already told her"

"STOP TALKING!", she yelled and started to walk faster.

They could be so infuriating that she wanted to scream sometimes. Sure, they had also been hilarious, but right now, she felt the urge to suffocate them with her own bare hands. What the hell happened to her? She used to be described as calm and sweet, even in the times of war. Ron had outright told her one day, that her kindness and gentleness were one those things that captured everyone's attention immediately and now she could barely recognize herself.

It scared her. She didn't know if her behaviour had been caused by stress and the situation she found herself in or maybe  it was something completely else. Time Travelling had been a mystery, as there was no safe way to research it. Going back in time must have had its repercussions, and Hermione went back a really long time. What if she was changing, because she was slowly forgetting who she was?

That thought made her so uneasy that she could hardly keep a straight face. If she was to forget everything that happened, how could she save the world? After all, the future version of herself had no longer existed, making her theory very likely... Had Dumbledore known it could have happend? Honestly, what was that man thinking? He was supposed to be brilliant and know better than to pull a stunt like this one, making Hermione stuck in completely different time, with that boiling anger and fear and with a terribly sexy Sirius Black who started to be impossible to ignore, even with all the reasons speaking against paying attention to him in  _that_ way. What the fuck was she supposed to do?

"Hermione? Are you okay?", quiet voice belonging to Remus reached her ears and she looked at him with a forced smile.

No. She wasn't okay, not to the least. She wanted to scream, cry and vomit at the same time, but she wasn't going to tell him that, right?

"This week's been tough for me, Remus. I am angry all the time, I feel murderous towards everyone and that's scares me, because it's not really like me", she answered deciding that telling him part of the truth wouldn't hurt.

"Hermione, honestly I'd be surprised if you felt okay. From what I know, changing schools must be hard on its own and... Well, you didn't do it without your reasons, yeah?", he asked gently, making Hermione bite her lip with sadness.

"Yes"

"I'm not going to ask you about those, as I believe you'd tell me if you were ready to talk about it. But whatever happened, I truly think that it justifies all the feelings inside of you. It must be hard to see everyone staring at you and calling you a badass, while the only thing you want is to turn back time", he whispered and Hermione looked at him with astonishment.

How on Earth could he know that? It was so true that it almost made her fall apart, but she knew better than to start crying in front of James, Sirius and Peter. She was sure that they were listening, as no sounds were coming from behind her. It made her feel very vulnerable and she wasn't sure if that was something she should be happy about. Letting them in would have a tremendous impact on her course of actions and it would solidify their place in her life.

She would fight hand in hand with them, she would help them get through the worst times, she would become part of Harry's life. They would remember her, making it impossible for her to disappear after her mission was complete. Did she really want that? Was she ready for it?

"My parents have died to protect me", she whispered quietly. "Blood purists weren't exactly happy with them having a child, especially that they were both pretty powerful wizards and clearly passed it onto me. While I was safe at school, they were hiding most of the time. But before the end of the fifth year, blood purists managed to kill them, forcing me and a couple of my friends to go into hiding. We managed to survive almost an entire year, but then our luck run out and they'd found us. I was the only one to survive", she explained, her voice hollow.

The story was not entirely true, although very close to some parts of her past. Nonetheless, saying it out loud hurt like hell. Unconsciously, her fingers started to rub her scar, while a single tear rolled down her cheek and disappeared in her smooth curls.

She felt an arm encircling her waist and pulling her closer to a warm, familiar body. She had no doubts that it was Sirius who hugged her, as the cool material of his jacket came in touch with her cheek.

"Those fuckers", he murmured in her hair, his voice sounding strained. "I'd kill them with my own bare hands, kitten. I'm so sorry they did that to you and your family"

No one seemed to be surprised to hear Sirius' words, although he seemed more than moved by her story. Hermione understood that. Coming from the Black family, he was schooled and trained to hate people like her and her parents. He decided that he'd rather be a bastard than a part of something so vile and despicable. Nonetheless, she was entirely sure that each report of crimes against the Muggleborns touched him on a very personal level, as he knew that it might have been his family's doing.

She hugged him back, with all she had. Words couldn't describe how much pain she felt and how much she appreciated his embrace. Even though a couple of minutes ago, she was thoroughly pissed at him, right now he made her feel like she had actually been wanted, like she belonged here despite being new and foreign.

Suddenly, James joined their embrace, followed by Peter and Remus. It was too much for her to take, so she started sobbing, letting all the pain and sorrow drain from her body. She cried and they held her, taking away all of those pent up feelings that made it impossible to function.

In that exact moment, she realised that even if her memories would fade away, she still had the chance to regain everything she'd lost and that thought was something that she wanted to hold on to forever.

* * *

 

"Listen, you have to be very quiet. The end of this passage leads to the Honeydukes, so we have to be very careful. If anyone sees us, we're going to be in for a lot of troubles", Remus warned her, making Hermione bit her bottom lip.

Everyone must have thought that it was a sign of anxiety, but Hermione could barely contain her laughter. After they had finally broken their embrace, her mood improved tremendously, making her actually excited for the trip, even if the boys gave her a chance to back out. And right now, she couldn't stop herself from squirming excitedly, as she decided to pull a prank on them.

"Guys, I'm really terrible at being deceptive and quiet. I'm not sure that this is a good idea", she tried to convince them that it might turn out really bad, but they seemed to ignore her warning.

"No worries, love. I'm sure it will be alright. They probably don't have much clients as of now, it's not even noon", Sirius waved his hand and Hermione nodded timidly.

"How are we going to leave the basement without anyone seeing us?", she whispered and the boys exchanged amused looks.

"Ah, well, that passage is not the only one of our secrets", said James and pulled the Invisibility Cloak from his bag, making Hermione gasp.

"Is that an...",

"...Invisibility Cloak? Yes, it is", James finished her sentence and grinned widely.

"You know how rare they are? And still, they don't last forever. The charms put on them are usually very unstable..."

"Oh, but this one is special! As far as I know, no spell has ever been placed on it. The material it's made of is unique"

Hermione looked at him with her brows furrowed, trying to decipher whether James knew about the Deathly Hollows. He seemed very proud of the cloak, but her stare didn't make him uncomfortable even in the slightest. She decided that he wasn't aware of the cloak's origin, otherwise he wouldn't have been so quick to show it around.

"Incredible", she stated and nodded with acknowledgment. "But still, I highly doubt that we will fit underneath. You guys are way too tall, there's no way that the four of you will be completely covered, not speaking about the fifth person. Wait. Where's Peter?", she asked and looked around.

Of course, Hermione was completely aware of the fact that Peter decided to stay behind them and transform into his rat form. Even though, she was very interested in seing the explanation for his absence.

"Yeah, he must have forgotten something from the castle. I'm sure he's going to catch up. We'll get him later, he'll probably be waiting", Sirius shrugged and send James and Remus suggestive glances.

The boys took his clue and nodded eagerly, making Hermione want to roll her eyes. Seriously, how could they think that she wouldn't find it suspicious? Especially taking their nicknames under consideration.

"Alright", she said, but looked at them intently, forcing them to shift anxiously.

A minute later they started to climb the ladder, one by one. James went first, hidden underneath the cloak, Sirius and Remus followed him almost instantly. Hermione grinned widely and started to walk up, until she reached the hatch and pulled herself up. The boys tried to pull her underneath the cloak, but she dodged their hands and started to walk around the basement.

"What the hell are you doing?!", hissed Sirius, panic lacing his voice.

Hermione smiled sweetly, looking in the boys direction and then she accidentally knocked down a can that stood on top of the wooden case. Almost instantly, the owner of Honeydukes run down the stairs with his wand raised.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck...", she heard James' panicked voice and couldn't help but to giggle.

Ambrosius Flume descended the stairs and pointed his wand at her, ready to fire a spell. His expression changed instantly when he realized it had been her. A huge grin graced his lips as he stretched his arms out, wanting to embrace her.

"Hermione, my dear! What on Earth are you doing here?! I shouldn't have told you about the passage, I know I shouldn't", he laughed, hugging her briefly.

"Sorry, Mr Flume. I have been feeling so lonely and stressed out that I couldn't stop myself. I can go back, but I promise to behave myself. It's not like anyone knows me here well enough to figure out that I should be at school!"

"Of course, of course... You know that I have troubles saying no to you, after how you've helped us this summer!", the man chuckled and Hermione looked at him with gleaming eyes.

"Actually, do you mind if a couple of my friends go with me? It would mean the world to me, and I promise not to do that ever again"

"Are they here?", he asked, looking around carefully. "I can't see them"

"Boys, show yourselves!", she chirped sweetly and soon, she was standing face to face with very angry Marauders. "There they are!"

"Oh, Hermione! Don't tell me you're friends with that lot. They make my life hell!", Ambrosius said laughing and Hermione giggled.

"That makes the two of us. They are still very likeable though!"

"That they are. Keep an eye on that girl here, would you? I'm going to tell the Headmaster all about your unsupervised visits in Hogsmeade, if something happens to Hermione!", he threatened but a smile was still plastered on his lips.

"Sure thing", murmured James and sent Hermione a murderous glance.

Soon, they were all outside the Honeydukes and the Ravenclaw looked at the boys with pure happiness.

"WHAT THE FUCK, KITTEN?!", Sirius yelled at her as soon as the door had closed behind them.

"I'm sorry, I just... Couldn't stop myself", she laughed, not feeling guilty at all.

"Merlin, I almost shat myself, you bloody minx!", James added angrily and ruffled his hair. "Do you have any idea what would happen to us if we got caught? Moony would lose his Prefect badge, me and Sirius would be banned from Quidditch. Oh, and we could have been expelled!"

"No, you couldn't. I know everyone at Honeydukes, I've worked there all summer. They wouldn't rat me out", she shrugged and the burst out with laughter. "I wish I could have seen you faces when I knocked that can down"

"Hilarious. You scared the shit out of us", Sirius sighed, looking positively disturbed.

"And it serves you right, breaking rules like that! It could be dangerous, what if something happened to you?!", she scolded him and shook her head.

"You'd be worried about us?", Sirius asked, his usual grin returning to his face.

"Of course I would, you idiot! Next time you're going to pull a stunt like that, you're going to be twice as careful!", she stated and then corners of her mouth twitched again. "Besides, you have no idea how hilarious you looked"

And then she started to laugh once again, tilting her head back as her vibrant voice echoed through the air. Even with her joyous outburst, she couldn't help but notice Sirius' expression soften, as he looked at her with pure amazement. And boy, how great it felt.


	8. Chapter 8

"Miss Granger. I'm glad you could come here", Albus Dumbledore greeted her with a warm smile, making Hermione furrow her brows.

"Why wouldn't I, professor? You summoned me and it must be important, otherwise you wouldn't have done it", she stated firmly and Dumbledore chuckled.

"Yes, my dear, it is very serious. It's just that I wasn't sure if your friends will let you leave them", he joked and Hermione sighed.

Sure enough, recently her time was split between the Marauders, her roommates, Ewan and the Library. Unfortunately, the Library seemed to be losing terribly. Hermione almost couldn't believe that so many people wanted to spend their time with her. During her first stay at Hogwarts, it was always Harry and Ron. Merlin knows how much her roommates hated her and  Hermione actually couldn't blame them, as the feeling was definitely mutual. Having so many friends seemed very unlike her, but it was a change that she was willing to accept.

"Oh... I actually told them that I'm going to study. It's always the best excuse, at least when it comes to me", she answered and smiled.

"Yes, yes. I've heard about your incredible knowledge. Minerva can't stand the fact that you're not in her House. She claims that you would be a perfect Gryffindor", Dumbledore chuckled and Hermione sighed.

"She's right. I  _was_  a perfect Gryffindor, but I guess Ravenclaw fits me just as good. I don't blame the Hat for putting me there"

"Spoken like a true Ravenclaw, I must say. I'm very satisfied with how you cope. I believe it must have been hard, especially with Mr Mulciber's behaviour", Dumbledore looked at her from above his half-glasses and Hermione flinched visibly.

"So you've heard", she muttered and turned her gaze away.

"Of course I have. Let me tell you a secret, Miss Granger. The portraits in this castle are sworn to inform me about everything that's going on. And you've put on quite a show"

"I'm sorry about that, professor. I should have been wiser"

"Undoubtedly. Nonetheless, nothing bad has come out of it as of now, so I think we should simply let that matter slide", he stated cheerfully and Hermione nodded. "I've summoned you here, because I'm in a great need of your help"

"You? Or the Order?"

"Both, Miss Granger. You see... Voldemort has been very active recently. Of course, you won't hear about it, as the Ministry is trying to keep things as quiet as possible, in order not to raise panic, but things are happening... Bad things, I'm afraid", Dumbledore explained and a pained sigh escaped his mouth, as his brows furrowed.

"How can I help?, Hermione asked instantly, not wanting to hear any details about Voldemort's activity.

She had already been there and heard everything she possibly could. She didn't exactly need to live through that once again, if it wasn't truly necessary.

"The Ministry has troubles  identifying people who stand behind those attacks. As of now, Death Eaters are hard to spot, because they maintain a façade of perfect citizens who support the Ministry in fight against Voldemort. However, it is absolutely crucial for the Order to figure out their identities. We can't spy on them and prevent the attacks, if we don't know who they are"

Hermione bit her lip, looking at the Headmaster carefully. Her mind had already figured out what was this all about, but she wanted to hear the words from the man sitting across from her, behind his desk.

"Miss Granger, I hate to ask this of you, but it would be a great advantage if you could look at the files of our suspects and tell us who we should tail. We don't need to know any details concerning their actions in the future. All we want are names", the man asked and looked at her apologetically.

Hermione looked down at her entwined hands. Giving those identities away would surely give the Order advantage, but it would also raise questions. She doubted that the members of the Order were just going to agree on those names, without trying to confirm reliability of these information's source. What answer was Dumbledore going to provide them with? Also, Voldemort hadn't been an idiot. It wouldn't take long for him to figure out, that Dumbledore must have someone amongst his people who knew more than anyone else. Surely, there was also a possibilty that Voldemort would blame his henchman for betraying him and that would undoubtedly work to the Order's benefit. 

"Professor, I can give you those names. But I believe that you must come up with an impeccable explanation on how you got them. I'd prefer my own identity to be kept a secret, as no one should know about my past. Or rather, the future", she smiled weakly and Dumbledore nodded agreeably.  

Normally, she would feel very proud of herself, considering the respect and admiration shining in professor Dumbledore's eyes, but this time her brilliant deduction wasn't satisfying at all.

There were too many questions and doubts concerning that case. It was risky and they had absolutely no guarantee that the men she would pick were actually the ones worth spying on. They had been skilled wizards and had played a very important role in Voldemort's plans, there was no doubt about it. The only thing that worried her was the fact that it had all taken place 20 years from now, back in 1990s.

What if they weren't all that important right now? It probably wouldn't hurt to monitor their actions, but they couldn't ingore the possibility that they weren't the people Dumbledore looked for right now.

She voiced her thoughts, making the Headmaster sigh. He looked tired and desperate, and Hermione couldn't exactly blame him for it. The Order was stuck and innocent people were dying. They had to do something.

"I am very aware of that, Hermione. Trust me, I wouldn't risk exposing you like that without a reason. I don't think that any harm will come out of trailing bad men, even if it is going to be years before they reach their full power", Dumbledore explained quietly.

Hermione nodded and shifted slightly on her chair. Recently, she'd made a lot of important decisions that affected her life irreversibly. It was probably time to make another one.

"Where are those files, professor?"

Headmaster smiled tightly and opened the drawer of his desk, taking out a pile of folders which looked as inconspicuous as possible. He handed them over to her and she slowly opened the first one, trying to calm herself.

The man looking at her from the picture was very familiar. She remembered that night of Fleur's and Bill's wedding, when the Death Eaters had struck, making everyone flee in panic. Hermione managed to apparate Harry and Ron out of the Burrow, but it hadn't been the end of their problems. None of them was aware of the Taboo spell that Voldemort cast in order to trace everyone who had dared to say his name.

Antonin Dolohov and Thorfinn Rowle attacked them that night and forced them to run once again. Hermione spent quite some time staring at their faces as she was Obliviating them. And now, the latter looked at her from the picture, even if his face seemed much younger.

"That one", she whispered and picked up another file, as shivers run through her body.

Next one was even easier. Her scar tingled, as Bellatrix smiled at her madly from the paper. She looked so young and beautiful, her skin radiant and unblemished. The Azkaban had undoubtedly destroyed her, just as in Sirius' case.

Even though her appearance made her look innocent, she was definitely mad. Hermione saw the exact same sparks in her eyes when Bellatrix tortured her in Malfoy Manor. Sparks, that haunted her dreams even today.

"This one", she muttered, trying not to give away how much fear had the woman evoked in her body.

"Bellatrix? I was sure that Tom would never trust a woman"

Hermione laughed bitterly and shook her head.

"I have no doubts that she will be trusted. I don't know if it is going to happen soon, but her involvement is undeniable.", she managed to choke out and then squeezed her eyelids. "I've killed her, you know. Back in my times"

Dumbledore didn't answer, looking at her intently. She couldn't tell if he was shocked, disappointed or rather impressed. One thing was clear - he had no intentions of speaking, so she forced herself to open another file.

She didn't know how much time passed since she had arrived at Dumbledore's office. Reading all of the files over was tiring and extremely disturbing, as many of the suspects faces had been etched into her mind as those appearing in her worst nightmares.

Hermione managed to identify some of them as especially dangerous, but others seemed to be common soldiers that didn't struck her as incredibly dangerous. Nonetheless, she informed Dumbledore that she had no doubts of their affiliations and that the Order members should be careful around them.

After what seemed an eternity, she had left Dumbledore's office and decided she was way too tired to study, so she took a turn right and began walking towards the Ravenclaw Tower. She wasn't all that surprised when one of the Marauders bumped into her on the corridor.

"Herms! What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were studying", James exclaimed and looked at her with his brows furrowed.

"Yeah, I've studied for a while and then Dumbledore asked me to come to his office", she admitted and smiled a little.

"Dumble? What did he want from you?"

"I'm a transfer student. He wanted to check if everything was alright. He forced me to drink his tea and eat a couple of cookies", she sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, that sounds like him", James chuckled and the looked at her once more. "You look like shit"

"Wow, thank you, James. You always know how to make me feel special"

"No, but seriously. Had you been sleeping lately?", he asked and ruffled his hair, which he tended to do quite often, especially if he was worried or nervous.

"Can't say that I haven't. Although it could be better, I suppose", she admitted and smiled weakly.

She was getting enough sleep to go on, but definitely not enough to function properly. Even if her mood improved immensely, the nightmares refused to go away, as they plagued her every night. Hermione didn't know what had been worse - the fact that she had nightmares or the fact that they kept changing each night, opening new wounds.

"Bad dreams?", James asked her with sadness in his hazel eyes.

Seeing his worry warmed her heart and she smiled at him genuinely.

"They're terrible. But I think that sooner or later they will disappear", she shrugged, feeling guilty as hell for lying to him.

Not that he bought it. He looked entirely unconvinced and she couldn't blame him. Looking at the shadows beneath her eyes and at her pale skin, she probably wouldn't have believed herself as well.

"If there's anything that I can do...", he started, but Hermione shook her head and smiled once again.

"I'm alright, James. Even with the nightmares, my body will finally be too exhausted and I'll sleep eventually. Don't worry about it. What are you doing here, anyway?", she changed the subject, looking at him with curiosity.

"Oh. I was actually on my way to the Library. Sirius told me that your roommates chatted him up and said something about trying to find you. Well, at least that's what he thought they've said. Those girls seem completely bonkers, no offence"

Hermione giggled and nodded her head. She was very surprised that they've managed to talk to Sirius and actually say anything coherent. Considering the crush they all had on him, it was very impressive.

"That they are. But I love them anyway. They're so much better than my previous roommates", she stated and then furrowed her brows, when a realisation dawned on her. "Why were you trying to find me then? Sirius couldn't have done it himself?"

James blushed slightly and looked away, clearly abashed. Hermione raised her eyebrows and sent him a questioning glance, making the boy sigh.

"He was busy, actually. Like 'going on a date' busy", Potter explained, making Hermione very grateful for her training with Moody, as it would be very hard to keep a straight face otherwise.

"Sirius? Dating? Don't you mean 'shagging someone in the broom closet'?", she asked casually and James sighed with annoyance.

"Yeah, that's usually how he rolls. He's been... off lately. I don't know what's the matter, but he actually started to pay attention to girls in a completely un-Sirius-like way"

"Maybe that's a good thing? Maybe he wants to... settle down?"

James looked at her with amusement and chuckled. It was pretty obvious that he didn't agree with her in the slightest and it made her somewhat satisfied.

"You're talking about a guy that refuses to get married, like  _ever_. He thinks it's pointless and completely unfair, considering the amount of beautiful women walking the Earth. Unfair to him, obviously"

Hermione laughed despite her grumpy mood. Yeah, that sounded like Sirius, a giant tease and flirt that had no intentions of letting himself fall for a single girl. More like a dozen would be accurate.

"Well, it didn't seem like him, but you never know, yeah? Maybe he had a change of heart", she shrugged and James sighed again.

"Still, it would be nice to know about it. I'm his best mate..."

"Maybe he doesn't know how to explain it. From what I know, you guys have trouble expressing your feelings"

James looked at her offended and pouted.

"Oh excuse me, I'm terrific at expressing feelings! I have been sharing my feelings with Lily for almost five years now"

"James... Honestly, do you think that saying she's as beautiful as sausages counts as telling her how you feel?", she asked with disbelief and chuckled when James blushed a crimson red.

"Okay, so I'll admit. That wasn't all that great. Fuck, you have no idea how loud she yelled at me back in the common room. I thought about going to the Hospital Wing because my head wouldn't stop aching", he said with a dreamy smile that didn't fit the situation at all, but made Hermione's heart clench.

James loved Lily so much that it was almost impossible to imagine. She didn't blame the girl for turning him down all the time, as he also acted like a wild baboon, but still... Hermione was sure that once the boy has grown up, they would be a perfect couple, making everyone jealous of their happiness.

"Have you thought about acting a little bit more maturely towards her? I mean, instead of yelling how you feel and constantly rivalling for her attention, why don't you just talk to her like you're talking to me right now? I'm sure she doesn't need fireworks. She just needs someone who's not a moron", she informed him with a smile and James looked at her with puppy eyes.

"Thank you, Hermione. Being called a moron has never hurt so much before"

"Hey, you were the one to tell me that I looked like shit"

"I was just worried!"

"And I want you to win Lily over! You'd be great together, honestly. You just have to grow up"

"That's sounds terribly boring", James furrowed his brows and ruffled his hair.

Hermione giggled and shook her head.

"At one point you'll have to decide if you'd rather be boring or alone. And now, I think I should go and find my roommates", she stated and smiled widely.

She was just about to walk away, when James pulled her into a bear hug, that almost crushed her bones.

"Thank you, Herms. I really appreciate you helping me, even with all the problems you have on your own. You're a good friend"

A sloppy kiss has landed on her cheek, making her smile brilliantly. She raised her hand and ruffled his hair as a sign of affection.

"You would do the same for me. Actually, you already have, so we're even", she chuckled and James grinned at her.

Soon, she was on her way to the Ravenclaw Tower with a huge smile on her face and warmth spreading throughout her body.

* * *

"... and then he said 'What?' and I swear I almost lost it", Grace sighed with a dreamy smile, while Hermione was wiping the tears from her cheeks.

Merlin, those girls were hilarious. After she had left James, her mood has already been awesome, but when she got back to the dormitory, it improved even more.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!", Leslie chortled and shook her head. "You were supposed to ask him if he knew where Hermione was! And then you started to mumble some incoherent words and almost shat yourself when he asked you what were you going on and on about"

"It's not my fault that he's so gorgeous! I mean, I have absolutely no idea how do you manage to talk to him without blushing and fainting all the time, Hermione!"

"Gracie, you read  _smut_ every Friday. Talking to Sirius is actually much less embarrassing", Miss Granger said and Leslie chortled again.

"Oh, I bet that Grace's behaviour was caused by reading smut! She probably looked at him and the pictures popped into her mind", she laughed and then stood up, striking a sexy pose. " _Sirius... When I look into your glistening eyes, I can feel my special place start to glisten as well..."_

Hermione burst out with laughter and bent in half, not able to catch her breath.

"That's not what happened, you bitch!", Grace yelled and then blinked a couple of times. "Although it might have, if I had been brave enough to look into his eyes"

Merlin, how she loved them. It seemed completely surreal that she, Hermione Granger, laughed at jokes this smutty and enjoyed it, but Leslie seemed to be right when she had said that it was only a matter of time before she started to participate in Bookish Fridays with them. Those seemed to be more about laughing their asses off rather than actually reading and it made this idea much more tempting.

Suddenly, the door opened and Amy walked through them with excitement written all over her face.

"You guys! Look who I've found!", she squealed happily and then moved aside, letting a big, black dog into their dormitory.

Hermione recognized him immediately and it took all of her strength not to betray herself. What the fuck was Sirius doing in their dormitory?!

"Oh my God, where did you find him?! He's so cute", Gracie chirped and started to scratch Padfoot behind his ear, causing him to wiggle his tail like crazy.

"I don't know, he was standing at the bottom of the stairs leading to our tower. He looked at me with those gorgeous eyes and I couldn't just leave him there. Isn't he adorable?"

Hermione came closer and kneeled in front of the dog, which immediately started to lick her face, forcing the chuckle out of her mouth.

"Stop it, you", she said and then looked up at Amy. "You realise that dogs are forbidden at Hogwarts?"

"Duh? Of course I know, which is why I think he must be a stray dog. Strangely, he looks very taken care of. Maybe he belongs to Hagrid?"

"I've never seen him out there", Leslie disclaimed instantly and shrugged. "For all I care, he can be ours"

Sirius let out a short bark at that statement, making all the girls giggle. Hermione wanted to stand up, but he whined and nudged her hand with his nose. ' _Bloody hell_ ', she thought with resignation and started to scratch him once again.

"He seems to like you very much, Herms. Apparently, all the boys do that!", Amy laughed and Hermione couldn't help but notice that Sirius looked at her with curiosity with his grey eyes, that could only belong to one person.

"Stop it, Amy. You're delusional"

"AM NOT! This is so true. You're friends with the Marauders, Ewan likes you and that Frank person from Hufflepuff looks at you all the time", Amy pointed her finger at Hermione with triumph, making her sigh.

She really didn't want to have that conversation in front of Sirius. Even if he was currently a dog.

"Marauders are, as you pointed out yourself, my  _friends_ , Ewan likes me and I like him, but there's nothing more to that and that Frank person is scared of me", she shrugged and the dog started to bark, reminding her of Sirius' laughter.

"What are you laughing at?", she murmured and sent him an angry glance.

"Because he knows you're full of shit", Leslie answered, smiling sweetly. "Come on, Herms, you're actually the only one of us that doesn't swoon over Black and you're also the only one he notices. It's kind of obvious that he likes you"

Padfoot barked again, this time wiggling his tail and looking at her sweetly. She blushed a little and then rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, I think he does. It would be kind of weird to be friends with him if we hated each other, huh?"

"So are you trying to say that his  _glistening eyes_ don't make your special places...", Leslie started, but Hermione interrupted before she could finish.

"No! What the fuck is wrong with you, I've just said we're friends!", Miss Granger yelled, making girls chuckle.

That situation was getting out of control, very fast.

"You can be so dumb sometimes, I swear it's almost unbelievable", Amy shook her head and threw herself on the bed, yawning loudly.

Hermione decided that it would probably be for the best to end this conversation. Other girls have followed Amy's footsteps and settled in their bed as well, making Hermione relax slightly. She stood up and gathered her toiletries.

"I'm going to shower. I'm really tired", she stated and marched off to the bathroom.

Girls giggled and she turned around only to see that Sirius was walking by her side, with his tongue out. She tried not to blush, knowing that it would look very weird, since no one else realised that the dog in their dormitory had really been an Animagus.

"No! Stay here", she ordered and Padfoot whined miserably, but she wasn't going to change her mind.

Hermione went inside the bathroom and undressed quickly. Hot water was everything she wanted right now, even though she couldn't enjoy it as much as usual. The thought that Sirius Black was probably entertaining her roommates, while she was naked in the bathroom didn't sit well with her. What seemed to be even more fucked up was the fact, that she would have to leave the bathroom wearing only her shorts and a t-shirt.

When she returned to the dormitory, she found Sirius lying contently on her bed. He immediately jerked up his head when he'd noticed her and Hermione felt really weird with being looked over by a  _dog_. It was so disturbing, that she almost let the fact that he was lying in her bed slip.

"Oh no! Get out of here!", she ordered, putting her hands on her hips.

"Come on, Hermione!", Gracie instantly protested. "He's just a dog, a very smart and adorable one at that. And he seems to like you very much. Let him stay!"

' _Bloody hell, what did I do to be punished like that?'_ , she thought to herself and bit her bottom lip. Finally, she sighed and slowly entered the bed, pulling the covers over her body. Padfoot was wiggling his tail like crazy, while he snuggled closer to her. His grey, familiar eyes bore into hers and she couldn't stop herself from caressing his smooth fur.

"Play nice, alright? I really need to sleep", she whispered and smiled gently, when Padfoot licked her fingers affectionately.

And then she closed her eyes and sighed contently. She would be lying if she'd said that she hadn't thought about what sleeping with Sirius would be like. Not even in her weirdest dreams would she consider something like this.


	9. Chapter 9

She woke up, feeling incredibly rested. It was such a pleasant sensation that it made her reluctant to open her eyes. A small smile appeared on her lips as she sighed contently and forced herself to face the world once again.

As if on cue, memories flooded her brain and she blushed a crimson red. Oh, Merlin... Sirius Black had spent the night with her. What should she make of it? Of course, Hermione wasn't supposed to know that the dog had been an Animagus, but still... Sirius had come to the Ravenclaw Tower especially for her, she was sure of that. Considering that she had finally managed to sleep through the entire night, his presence must have made her feel safe. The fact that he would do something like that for her... It was so sweet and unlike the boy she had known, that she wanted to grin like a lunatic.

Of course, she stopped herself from doing that, as it would undoubtedly be considered very weird.

"Where's the dog?!" Amy yelled out of a sudden, waking Leslie up.

The blonde's scream had been so loud, that Grace ran back to the dormitory from the bathroom, wearing nothing but her hair. ' _Thank Merlin he's not here'_ , Hermione thought to herself as she realised that he would probably have taken advantage of this situation and ogled Gracie like crazy.

"The dog is gone?! But how?! Why?!" the naked girl yelled and dropped down to her knees, trying to look underneath the bed.

"For fucks sake, Grace. No one wants to see your pale, skinny ass. Go away!" Amy covered her eyes dramatically and sighed. "Besides, the dog was clearly a stray. He probably got out."

Grace looked like she was going to cry, but decided that it would probably be best if she did that in the bathroom. Hermione smiled and shook her head with disbelief. Those girls were impossible sometimes.

"What time is it?" she asked and sat up on the bed, stretching and yawning.

"Early. Probably something around six."

"Why are you up so early?" surprise in her voice made Amy chuckle.

"We have Potions with Slytherin first thing in the morning," she reminded and Hermione sighed.

Another day with Slughorn praising her skills and trying to set her up with Snape, who looked at her with anger and contempt. Apparently, his views on the blood purity had been very defined. Calling Lily a Mudblood wasn't exactly a fluke. Hermione knew though that Snape hadn't been an entirely lost cause. He never truly believed in all this crap, as the power had always been the thing that he craved the most. Power and respect. Hermione knew that she could give him at least the latter and making him acknowledge her sympathy became one of her goals. Preventing Snape from repeating the prophecy to Voldemort could turn out to be crucial in her mission... She had to at least try to fight for him.

"Awesome," she stated, snapping out of her thoughts and tried to locate her clothes.

"Yeah, tell me about it. You're at least good at Potions. And me? I am kind of surprised that Slughorn hasn't kicked me out yet."

"I've seen worse, actually. There was this student at Beauxbatons that was terrible at brewing. I've tried to help him all the time, but somehow, he still managed to blow up cauldrons or make a potions so toxic that it literally melted them," Hermione laughed, thinking about Neville.

Amy joined her instantly, making Leslie grunt out with anger.

"Why the fuck can't you let me sleep?!"

Leslie was the only one that didn't have Potions as she claimed not to be a masochist.

"Because we hate you for having a free period first thing in the morning!" Amy explained, probably louder than it was necessary.

"Fuck you," Les answered her and covered her head with a pillow.

At this exact moment, Grace has left the bathroom, this time fully dressed and smiled widely.

"Oh, today is such a beautiful day, don't be a bitch!"

"It would be even better if you would shut up."

Amy clicked her tongue and chuckled.

"You're not very nice, Leslie. I wonder if your mum would be proud of that dirty mouth."

"My mum would tell you to go fuck yourself and let me sleep."

"The dirty mouth must run in the family, then!" Hermione giggled and then started to walk towards the bathroom.

"Yes, along with laziness," Amy answered with a serious expression, making everyone even more amused.

* * *

"Morning, kitten!" Sirius greeted her with a huge grin, that was unexpected even of him.

She looked at him carefully, trying not to blush. He was extremely cheerful and that didn't happen all that often, especially not with double Potions ahead of them.

"Why are you smiling?" she asked suspiciously and he raised his brows.

"It's hard not to smile at you, sweetheart."

She rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Stop teasing me all the time. I was serious."

"Me too", he laughed and winked at her. "I guess I just woke up in a great mood. Without a particular reason."

"Speaking of waking up... Have you seen a dog in here? Black, quite big, very adorable and smart?" she asked innocently and furrowed her brows with theatrical worry.

"A dog? In Hogwarts?" Sirius asked with disbelief that looked so sincere that Hermione wanted to praise his acting skills.

"Yes. Amy brought him to our dormitory yesterday, but he was already gone when we woke up. Pity, really," she sighed and Sirius looked at her with curiosity.

"Why is that?"

"Well, the dog seemed to like me. And I finally managed to sleep through the entire night, so I wanted to thank him," she stated quietly and smiled, avoiding Sirius' gaze.

The boy looked at her suspiciously for a moment and she was afraid that he was going to realise that she knew his secret, but eventually he smiled with satisfaction.

"Guess we all have to thank him. You look much better, love. Now everyone can see how pretty you are," he murmured and tugged a strand of hair behind her ear.

She blushed but didn't look away, even if the intensity of his gaze was very unnerving.

"You should stop complimenting me like that. I've heard you're dating now," she said and raised her brows with amusement.

Sirius sighed and looked up to the ceiling.

"Let me guess. James has told you that?" he asked and when Hermione nodded he clicked his tongue. "That's not exactly true. I've been sneaking out to meet up with this girl, but we definitely aren't dating. She's tutoring me... She's a Ravenclaw from the seventh year and is terribly good at Charms," he explained making Hermione gape with surprise.

"You're having troubles with Charms? Why didn't you ask me for help? Or James, he's quite good at this too," she scolded him, but regretted it almost instantly.

"James is not a teacher material and asking you would be completely pointless. There is no way in hell I'd be able to focus. You're way too hot when you talk about academic stuff."

Hermione looked at him with her mouth open, as heat rose to her face. She was completely flabbergasted and Sirius started to laugh loudly at her expression.

"You can also be incredibly adorable," he admitted softly, looking at her with sympathy in his grey eyes, making her heart race.

Before she could answer, Slughorn appeared in front of the classroom and urged the students to go inside. Sirius winked at her and walked away, while she was trying to get herself together. What was wrong with her? Since when had it been so easy to leave her speechless?

She shook her head and went inside the classroom, avoiding Sirius' gaze, even though she was positive that his eyes have been trailing her every step.

"What was that with Black? I saw him touching your hair," Amy whispered excitedly, making Hermione sigh.

Of course that bloody girl had seen it. She was like a radar sometimes. Nothing could escape her brilliant eyes, which made Hermione wonder why Amy had never tried out for Qudditch team. No snitch would ever be able to get past her.

"Yeah, he does that a lot. It doesn't mean a thing, we were just talking."

"Then why are you resembling a particularly ripe tomato?"

"Shut up," Hermione murmured, making Amy giggle.

She couldn't stop herself from glancing towards Sirius, who was currently laughing with James and shifting impatiently. Oh, boy... They were up to something, she just knew it. Hermione squinted and looked around in order to find anything unusual, but failed to do so. It made her even more anxious, especially when she remembered Sirius' good mood.

"This is going to be fun," she mumbled and turned her gaze towards professor Slughorn who was about to begin the lesson.

"Welcome everyone! Today is a very special day, indeed! I have an assignment for you and the prize is more than valuable," the professor stated and Hermione immediately recognized the potion standing in front of him.

_Felix Felicis_ simmered lightly in the cauldron, making everyone shift with excitement. Of course, not many of the students knew what kind of potion it was, but it looked like pure gold and it turned out to be enough to capture their attention. Hermione knew that besides herself there were two more people able to identify it - Severus Snape and Lily Evans.

"Alright. Who can tell me what's in that cauldron?"

Hermione's hand immediately flew into the air, but Slughorn had his eyes fixed on Severus. When the man let him speak, a burst of giggles reached her ears from the table occupied by the Marauders. She stopped herself from sighing and looked at Snape, who was as cool as always.

"Ah, Severus!"

The Slytherin smiled with superiority and stated:

"A giggling turnip."

Hermione looked at him with surprise and then chuckled, just as the rest of the class. Slughorn blinked a couple of times and then asked:

"Pardon me, m'boy?"

"A giggling turnip," Snape stated once again, completely oblivious to the fact that the words coming out of his mouth were ridiculous.

"I'm afraid that there's no potion that would be called 'a giggling turnip', my dear boy. Are you feeling well, Severus?"

"My name's Tinkerbell."

At this statement, no one was able to stop themselves from laughing. Hermione felt horrible, seeing as Snape looked around with disorientation and annoyance, but the amusement was too great to hold it in. It wasn't hard to figure out that the Marauders had somehow managed to charm him, so that his words would stop making any sense to everyone but himself. It was a really advanced spell and Hermione couldn't help but feeling appreciative, even if making fun of Snape wasn't sitting with her all that well.

She had to give it to them though, this prank  _was_ actually funny, not because Snape was its target. If it had been anyone else, she would be equally as amused, although Miss Granger had to admit that his rage made things even better. He stood up rapidly, pointed his finger at the laughing Marauders and exclaimed furiously:

"They stole my honker!"

The students erupted with laughter, while James and Sirius turned around and snorted simultaneously.

"Professor, that's actually not true!", James stated seriously and Padfoot nodded.

"His honker is still there,  _obviously_!"

Hermione stopped laughing, noticing Lily's furious stare and Severus' red face. This might have been a good prank, but the Marauder's comments could easily turn it into an unnecessary show.

She decided that it might be a good idea to interfere, so she stood up and said:

"Professor, I think that Severus has been struck with a spell that twists his words without him knowing about it. Maybe we should take him to Madam Pomfrey or Professor Flitwick?", she offered and Slughorn nodded, looking at Snape with worry.

"Yes, I believe it would be the right thing to do, Miss Granger. Could you please escort Severus to the Hospital Wing? It might have been something he ate, it'd be best to check it"

Severus didn't seem to be keen on that particular idea as he pointed his finger at Hermione and stated:

"That llama is not dancing!"

Which was obviously very insulting. Hermione bit her bottom lip, trying not to laugh and muttered:

"Come on, Tinkerbell."

She knew she should have stopped herself, but it was just too tempting. Severus glared at her, but moved towards the exit, storming through the door like the Potion's Master she had remembered. Considering his height, it was very hard to keep up with his incredibly long steps, which caused her almost to run.

When they've arrived at the Hospital Wing, Madam Pomfrey run out of her office and looked at them expectantly.

"What is it?"

"Sorry to bother you, but Severus here had been struck with a spell that made him talk... funny. His words make perfect sense to him, but no sense at all to everyone else," she explained and smiled gently.

"Are you sure it had been a spell?" the nurse asked Severus and he nodded. "Alright, first of all I have to check what kind of nonsense leaves you mouth. Can you tell me who did that to you?"

"A hippogriff."

"Are you sure?"

"Merry Christmas," an annoyed answer followed the nurse's question, making it really hard for her not to laugh.

Hermione though couldn't stop herself from giggling. Never in her entire life has she expected to hear Severus Snape wish her a 'Merry Chistmas', but she was positive that it would sound exactly like this - more like an insult, rather than best wishes.

"Merry Christmas to you too, dear boy," the nurse finally answered and then started to wave her wand. "Miss Granger, if you wish, you can go back to your class. I'm sure Mr Snape here is going to be alright."

Hermione nodded and then shot a final glance towards Severus.

"I'll tell professor Slughorn that you're going to be fine," she promised and then left the Hospital Wing.

* * *

Hermione couldn't believe that the end of October came so quickly. She could have sworn that the year had started only a couple of days ago, but when Ewan approached her in the corridor and asked her if she wanted to go to Hogsmeade with him, she realised that the time had definitely tricked her.

"You want to go to Hogsmeade with me?" she asked surprised, causing him to frown.

"Why wouldn't I? I mean, you don't have to agree or anything, I just thought that..."

"I'd love to," she interrupted him and smiled gently. "Although I have to remind you that I am interested in being only your friend."

"I am well aware of that, Hermione. It's one of the reasons that made me ask you in the first place. There's something I'd like to talk to you about and I feel like Hogsmeade would be perfect to do that."

The boy looked so unsure of himself, that Hermione frowned and eyed him suspiciously.

"What have you done?" she asked gravely and Ewan chuckled nervously.

"I didn't do anything, I promise. I just want to talk somewhere more private."

"And you think Hogsmeade will be better?"

"In Hogsmeade no one will pay special attention to us. And here? You know that everyone's talking about our friendship," he explained and rolled his eyes, making Hermione chuckle.

Oh, yeah, she knew. It was completely ridiculous, as they had never implicated that there might be something going on between them. They had been spending a lot of time together, sure, but not even remotely as much as Hermione had been spending with the Marauders and no one seemed to accuse her of dating them. Well, maybe apart from her roommates who thought of her and Sirius as of a couple-in-making.

"You might be right on that one," she admitted and shrugged. "Fine, Hogsmeade it is. Should I wear something nice?"

Irony in her voice was clear as the sunshine and made Ewan laugh.

"Of course, I won't have it any other way."

Hermione chuckled and then said her goodbyes, departing for the library. She had already been late for her studying session with Lily and it didn't make her exactly happy. Miss Granger hated being late and couldn't stand people who had clearly no respect for her won time. She hoped that Lily wasn't as insanely oversensitive and would forgive her late arrival.

She sped up her steps, muttering few uncensored words. The library was just a corridor away, but unfortunately, fate decided to piss her off as much as possible. Someone's hard body bumped into her own, sending her flying towards the floor with a yelp. She squeezed her eyes shut and awaited painful fall, but when two large hands wrapped themselves around her waist, Hermione blinked a couple of times, trying to focus.

A pair of fairly familiar grey eyes started back at her, making her very uneasy. If she hadn't known any better, she would think it was Sirius, only a bit younger and much leaner. It took only a second though, to figure out that Regulus Black was  _nothing_ like his brother. As soon as he had realised who she was, his hands were gone from her waist and he started to rub them against his robes.

' _Of course. He's a future Death Eater, even if he ends up reformed in the end,'_  she thought and sighed.

"Thank you. That would have been a very unpleasant fall," she said, despite her grim thoughts and smiled.

"A deserved one. You should watch where you're going, Mudblood. It would save us, Purebloods, from having to touch you or even look at you," he snarled and lifted his chin.

He shot her a final glance, full of contempt, and then swept past her, reminding her of Snape.

"Nice to meet you too, you prick," she murmured and shook her head.

No wonder Sirius had never mentioned his family. If that was his brother, his mother must have been exactly as pleasant as her portrait that was hanging at the Grimmuald Place. She actually felt sorry for him, as that place probably reminded him of hell and nothing else. Maybe no one abused him the same way the Dursleys abused Harry, but being raised to become a Death Eater didn't seem much better.

Hermione walked into the library with a scowl on her face, making Lily look at her closely as soon as she sat down at their usual table.

"I'm sorry for being late. First Ewan wanted to ask me out to Hogsmeade and then I bumped into Regulus Black, out of all the people", she sighed and closed her eyes for a brief moment.

"Did he hurt you?", Lily asked, clearly disturbed and Hermione shook her head.

"No. Being called a 'Mudblood' stopped hurting a long time ago. They can't exactly make me feel bad for something I feel so proud of. Anyways, I get why Sirius doesn't talk about his family."

"Yeah, it completely sucks. It probably would be a good idea not to mention your meeting with Regulus to Sirius, though," Lily advised and Hermione couldn't agree more.

The Gryffindor had a really tough relationship with his brother even without adding Hermione and her heritage to the equation. No, it would be for the best if he didn't know about any of it.

"Okay, so before we start studying. You've said that Ewan asked you out?" Lily smiled, her emerald eyes gleaming excitedly.

Hermione knew that it was probably  an unavoidable subject so she answered:

"Yes. Only as friends, though. I mean, we've talked a while ago, when the rumours about us had started. He's not interested in me that way and I'm certainly not interested in him. We're good as friends."

Lily giggled and looked at her knowingly.

"Well, I definitely know that  _you_ are not interested in Ewan."

"Why is that?" Hermione furrowed her brows, making Lily giggle again.

"Come on. If I had to choose between Ewan and Black... I'd probably choose the latter, even though I can't stand him sometimes."

"Why would I choose between them? They're both my friends."

"Yeah.  And I'm Queen Elizabeth," the redhead rolled her eyes and smiled gently. "Don't give me that crap. I mean, I know that you are friends, but I've never seen Sirius befriend a girl before. You must be special. Besides, he is kind of hard to resist."

Hermione bit her bottom lip and looked down in thoughtfulness. Well, of course Sirius was hard to resist. She had known that would be the case the moment she had laid her eyes on him. Whenever he opened his mouth, she had to fight the blush that threatened to appear on her face, while her heart continued to thump against her chest like a hammer. It didn't take a genius to figure out that she was falling for his charm and boy, was she falling  _hard_.

It still didn't mean that she had any intentions of acting on it. Sirius was a free spirit, a man that had to be tamed first, before he could become this loyal, faithful guy. And she definitely didn't feel like she was the best person to do it. She had a lot on her mind, even without thinking about Sirius Black most of the time. Besides, he was still her best friend's Godfather.

"Lily... I know what it looks like. Do I like him? Yes. Do I find him attractive? Merlin, yes. Do I think it would be a good idea to let myself fall for him? A big no," she sighed rubbed her forehead.

"Why not? I mean, I've already told you, if someone could get him to settle down, it would probably be the girl that he finds interesting enough to actually become friends with her and I know for a fact that his feelings for you aren't exactly platonic. He doesn't compliment girls he doesn't truly like."

"Let me ask you this. Why don't you give James a shot?"

Lily looked at her, clearly surprised and then anger appeared in her eyes, making Hermione smile.

"Are you kidding me? He's a complete moron! I mean, they are both childish and really irresponsible, but at least Sirius manages to have a normal conversation with you from time to time. And James? I feel like I would never be able to talk to him. I don't need a fling, I need someone who would actually be there for me and Potter is kind of the opposite of that," she explained and it was Hermione's turn to giggle.

"You've thought about it an awful lot for someone who claims to be uninterested."

Lily blushed furiously, her face starting to match her hair. She looked absolutely adorable and Hermione grinned at her.

"Okay, I'll admit. It's not like I would be entirely opposed to the idea of dating him if he grew up a bit. I don't mean for him to get all serious and boring, but... You know," she finished lamely and Miss Granger nodded.

"Yeah, I do," she murmured in response and Lily nodded. "For the record, I think that James will come around much sooner than Sirius. He really loves you, you know. He talks about you with that stupid, dreamy smile that could only mean one thing."

Lily smiled gently and then looked at Hermione seriously.

"You haven't answered my question though. What are your excuses?"

"Similar to yours, in some ways. Except I don't mind his behaviour most of the time. He makes me flustered and incredibly uneasy, but in a good way. But it's not so easy. Even if he suddenly decided that he wanted to settle down, I'm way to complicated. My situation is complicated," she whispered and closed her eyes. "There are people looking for me. The second I'm out of this school, I'm going to join the fight. It doesn't actually favour relationships," Hermione explained quietly, deciding that it was safe to tell the truth.

After all, her beliefs were known amongst the students and it wouldn't be much of a surprise for them to know that she was determined to join the resistance. Especially not with the power she possessed. And even though that it wasn't all that unexpected, Lily paled slightly and looked at her with worry.

"You're going to join the Order?," she whispered and reached out to grab her hand.

"Yes. There is no other way."

Lily seemed to accept her answer without as much as a word of protest, which Hermione really appreciated. Despite her silence, she didn't stop looking at her intently.

"You're so brave, Hermione. I'm pretty sure that it is one of the main reasons why Sirius finds you so alluring. We still have this year and our seventh left. Maybe you should at least try to make it work. After all, he's a fighter too. He had always been one."


	10. Chapter 10

Hogsmeade was as beautiful as always. It seemed almost impossible, but the weather was perfect, surprising everybody completely. All of the students that decided to spend their Halloween walking around the village must have been extremely pleased with the aura, as it was particularly good for all kinds of romantic nonsense.

Hermione would lie if she didn't enjoy the weather, though. She missed sunny days, even if they meant running laps around the Quidditch pitch in an incredible heat. According to Moody, it was a perfect way to toughen her body and make her ready for everything that life decided to throw her way.

Today, however, no running was necessary, as she walked leisurely besides Ewan who had been incredibly quiet the whole time. To everyone, their walk seemed like a very boring date, but she actually understood that whatever bothered the boy, it was important enough to risk even more rumours about their alleged relationship, so she decided to give him time to think everything over. Besides, it wasn't like she didn't have her own problems that required her attention.

"Hermione..." Ewan spoke after what seemed like hours and she looked at him with a gentle smile. "I want you to know that I consider you my friend. Great one, actually, but... I didn't start talking to you without a reason. The second I heard that you're going to join the other sixth years, I knew it would be a perfect opportunity to..." he broke off and squeezed his eyes.

"To what?"

Her voice was gentle and warm, despite the fact that he had just told her that he didn't befriend her without an ulterior motive. She didn't want to scare him, as it was very clear that talking about it made him even more nervous.

"I don't know where to start. I tried to figure it out, but I guess there's just no way to say it right, without offending you a bit."

"Well then, let's get it over with, shall we?"

"Fine. You see, couple of years ago, me and Leslie... We were best friends. It was hard not to be, since we've known each other forever. Our parents go way back and it seemed to have an obvious impact on us. We were simply inseparable," he stated, his voice bitter and completely different from the one she was used to.

Her brows furrowed, as she looked at him carefully.

"Why aren't you anymore?"

"That's actually a good question, you know. I mean, we started to grow up, to change, and it was bound to influence our friendship. We were still pretty close, though, and I..."

"You fell for her, didn't you?" Hermione asked with a smile, forcing Ewan to look away in embarrassment .

"Yeah. It was hard not to fall for that girl. Before she cut her hair and started wearing those baggy clothes, she was the epitome of beauty, at least in my eyes. But then everything had changed. When she finished her fourth year, she went home just as always and when we came back to school. I could barely recognize her, Hermione. And I don't mean the hair and clothes, although they were certainly something else. I mean her behaviour. From my best friend, who shared all her secrets with me, she became someone who avoided my gaze and flinched at every touch. She distanced herself from everyone, except for her roommates and I've really tried to talk to them about it, but they always brushed me off", he said, his voice breaking down to a mere whisper.

Hermione was way too disturbed by his story to be mad, but now his reason for chatting her up became quite obvious. Ewan had certainly been hoping that she would get close to Leslie enough to be able to tell him something about her.

"They are loyal friends, Ewan. If Leslie didn't want them to talk to you, they never would," she stated and he nodded with bitterness painted all over his face.

"I know, Hermione. I'm not mad at them for protecting Leslie. I just... I can't wrap my mind around it. Why would Les think that she needed to be protected from me? I'd never hurt her. I love her, for Merlin's sake!" he groaned and Hermione looked at him with compassion.

Merlin, this sucked. She would be lying if she said that she didn't wonder about Leslie's behaviour sometimes, but even in her darkest thoughts, Hermione would never assume that something this bad had happened to her. Miss Granger had no doubts, that her roommate must have been hurt, undoubtedly by a male, possibly on a sexual background. And what made this even worse, she must have been 15 at most when it had happened.

"I just wish I knew what happened to her. I would leave her alone if she needed me to, but being left out in the cold is not exactly nice. Not when you'd do basically anything for that person..."

Hermione bit her lip, looking sympathetically at Ewan, who covered his face with his hands, as he sat down at the nearest rock. She didn't know what to tell him, except for her suspicions and those seemed very harsh. She walked towards the rock and took a seat beside him.

"Ewan... Do you have any ideas what might have happened to her?" she asked as gently as possible and the boy snorted in response.

"I'm not an idiot, Hermione. I know that someone must have hurt her and it makes me even more sick. She was such a sweet girl. I'd kill that bastard."

Damn, it was difficult. Miss Granger couldn't blame him for wanting to talk outside the castle gates, as those kind of information were way too delicate to risk the possibility of anyone hearing them talk. Ewan looked simply devastated and Hermione felt a surge of respect towards him. He managed to live with all those suspicions for so long, only because that's what Leslie wanted him to do, apparently.

"Why are you telling me this?" she asked quietly and looked at the boy sitting beside her.

"It's my last year at Hogwarts, Hermione. After that, I'll probably never see her again, as she refuses to talk to me even here, where it's bloody hard to forget about my existence, since we see each other on daily basis. I'm ready to move on. I'm starting to want to move on, actually. But I can't do that without closure. Without trying everything I could to make sure that she's safe and that she really doesn't want me in her life anymore"

Hermione sighed and looked down to the ground, analysing her options. It was pretty obvious what Ewan wanted from her, but she wasn't sure she should be doing it. Leslie was her friend, just as Ewan. Choosing one of them over the other didn't seem fair at all, not mentioning the delicate nature of the problem.

Maybe it would be best to talk to the other girls about it? They must have known something, as they were the ones who blew Ewan off constantly. There was probably no harm in mentioning his name in a context of his friendship with Leslie. And if it would lead to something more concrete... Hermione couldn't say that confirming her theory would be a bad thing, especially if Leslie really pushed Ewan away because of her fear. There was no way she'd let the girl destroy her own life, because of the past.

"I'll try to find out something, but I want you to know that I cannot promise anything. Leslie is my friend and I don't want to lose her. If she's not ready to tell me, then I won't push her. That would be simply wrong," Hermione finally stated and Ewan smiled at her weakly.

"I know that I shouldn't be asking that of you. I wouldn't, if I had any other choice"

"Yeah, well. I tend to find myself very demanding and complicated friends," she sighed theatrically, making Ewan chuckle lightly.

The boy suddenly looked up, when they both heard some voices that were getting nearer and nearer with each passing second.

"Speaking of your friends, I believe that Black is headed this way."

Hermione followed his gaze and noticed the silhouette of the Gryffindor emerging from behind the trees, with a pretty girl attached to his arm. Sirius had a charming smile plastered on his face, as the girl looked at him with awe. Miss Granger couldn't remember the blonde's name, but she was sure that Sirius' companion had been from Slytherin.

"Well, I guess it should be our cue to leave," Hermione muttered, trying to force down the bile in her throat that arose at the sight of the couple coming their way.

"Woah!" Ewan gasped, looking at her with shock. "You like him," he whispered and then laughed out loud, catching the attention of Sirius and his companion. "I can't believe it! Aren't you a bookworm that basically lives in library?"

She looked at him with a murderous glance, praying that Sirius would just turn around and walk away, but she knew better than to believe that it would actually happen. Before she could calm Ewan down with another set of glares, Padfoot led his girl towards them, smiling widely.

"Herms! Fancy seeing you here!" he greeted her and then looked at Ewan, his smile faltering a little. "You too, Hughes"

"It's very surprising that she has left the library, yeah?" Ewan chuckled and raised his brows, looking at Hermione with amusement.

"Not really, she does that often if I ask her," Sirius stated impassively and then smiled at Hermione.

His companion gave a slight cough, reminding him of her presence. Padfoot didn't seem all that ashamed, as he pulled the girl forward and put an arm around her shoulders.

"This is Celia," he stated simply and Hermione forced herself to smile at her.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Hermione and this is Ewan!"

"Oh, you're the new girl, right? The one that has been trailing Sirius and rest of the boys?" the girl asked with a smile, making Hermione frown.

Miss Granger looked at Sirius, who didn't seem all that happy with his companion's words, but decided to stay silent. It made Hermione's heart clench with disappointment, but she tried her best to hide her feelings deep inside her body.

"No. I'm the new girl that has been _friends with them_. A slight difference, if you ask me, but who cares, right?" she asked with a sweet smile, making the girl giggle lightly.

"Exactly!"

Miss Granger looked at Sirius with disgust and then gazed towards Ewan, who did everything in his power not to laugh at the blonde's stupidity. Hermione remembered her talk with Lily concerning Sirius and almost sighed with exasperation. That would be the end of thoughts about him settling down. Although, she had to admit, Sirius must have found something about her incredibly alluring if Celia was the type of girl that he usually went for.

"Glad that we agree on that," Hermione stated dryly and then smiled at Ewan. "We should get going. The whole point of coming here was to be alone and that's not the case, anymore, yeah?"

"Let's go then!" Ewan responded and grinned widely, while Hermione looked at Sirius with a forced smile.

"I'll see you... sometime," she murmured and swept past him, trying not to look disappointed as hell.

Sure, she was fully aware of the fact that he had flirted with her just for fun. She had actually expected him to be dating and messing around, and even though jealousy was present in her body without even a slightest doubt, it was not what got her so worked up.

Hermione considered him her friend. Someone who spent the whole night with her because he cared for her, someone who cheered her up whenever she was having a bad day. Someone who had the decency to protect her in front of his newlyfound snog. He didn't even try to correct that bloody Slytherin, when she described Hermione as someone who trailed them like a puppy...

It hurt, even if it seemed really petty to be pissed at something like this. The jealousy certainly didn't make things better, but still... Wasn't he supposed to pick her over a girl that he had just met?

"Guess we both have a terrible love life, huh?" Ewan asked with irony lacing his voice and Hermione actually chuckled.

"Yours definitely sucks. Mine is non-existent. Even if I fancy him more than I'd like, I'm not delusional enough to think that it could work out. I just hate the fact that he chooses girls with no brains at all and then fails to defend me from their stupidity."

"That was very Ravenclaw-ish of you, my friend. But I agree, he's a complete moron. Although judging by the look on his face, he's going to regret his behaviour very fast. He almost forgot that the blondie was there, as soon as he has looked at you. Maybe he feels more than you think."

"Stop romanticizing him like that. He just wants to shag," she quoted Leslie and made Ewan laugh. "With that attitude you should be that blondie's Housemate."

"We wouldn't want that."

"No, we wouldn't," Hermione grinned and decided to enjoy the rest of her visit at Hogsmeade, despite Sirius' idiotic behaviour.

* * *

There was no good way to start this conversation. Hermione knew more than well that Leslie, Amy and Gracie have been friends for a long time before she came along. It wasn't difficult to figure out that they would surely take Leslie's side over Ewan's and Hermione couldn't blame them for it.

There was no good way to start the conversation, but it was necessary for her to at least try. Sure, she probably wouldn't be so keen on doing it if Ewan hadn't asked her, but it wasn't the only reason. Hermione couldn't stand the fact that something happened to Leslie and caused her life to turn upside down. No one deserved to live in a constant fear of being hurt, and Hermione had no doubts that Leslie was afraid. It was the only rational explanation of her actions, even if it didn't make them any more acceptable.

She finally sighed and looked up from her book, gazing towards the blonde girl that was lying on her bed,  reading a novel. No one else was present in their room, making this situation perfect for a private talk.

"Amy... Can I ask you something?"

The blonde jerked her head up and blinked a couple of times, trying to return to reality.

"Of course you can."

"I wanted to ask you about Ewan," Hermione stated quietly and Amy shifted excitedly.

"You're having boy troubles? I thought I'll never hear you say something like that," the blonde's laugh making Hermione sigh.

"We're just friends, how many times do I have to tell you that. Actually because we're friends, we talk a lot and recently Ewan has told me that he and Leslie had been friends," she said and looked at Amy expectantly.

The blonde girl paled and bit her bottom lip. At this point, Hermione was sure that every word of what Ewan told her was true.

"Yeah, they were friends, but it's ancient history. Why would you ask about that?"

"It might be ancient history, but I find it interesting. I mean, if you're friends with someone for most of your life, how can you just... move on all of a sudden?" she asked and furrowed her brows.

Amy looked away, trying to come up with a good explanation for Leslie's behaviour that would ensure her secret's safety. Hermione rolled her eyes and rubbed her forehead.

"Spare yourself the trouble, Amy. I kind of already know the answer."

"You...You do?" the blonde stammered with shock.

"Yes. I realised that something must have happened to Leslie back when we were talking about Ewan in the Great Hall, during my first day. She seemed really offended at the idea of treating someone like an object. I thought it had to be personal, although I didn't know it was that bad, until I have learned that Ewan was her friend", she explained with a grim voice, making Amy gasp.

"Hermione... It's not something that Leslie shares with anyone. I mean, the thing that happened to her... You have no idea how terrible it had been," Amy whispered and Hermione's heart clenched painfully.

Oh yeah, she had an idea. Maybe she had never been raped, but being  _Crucioed_ by Bellatrix was probably much, much worse in the aspect of pain. Humiliation was a completely different thing, though, and it probably hurt even more. All it took was looking at Leslie and the person she had become.

"I can imagine. I don't need any details, Amy. I really, really don't. I would be glad to wait for Leslie to tell me, and that's what I wanted to do, until Ewan told me about their friendship. She basically left him without any explanation."

"She was raped, Hermione. And Ewan is a  _boy_. You can't possibly blame her for acting this way," Amy protested, but the brunette had no intentions of backing out of a fight.

"It was a natural reaction, I suppose. Natural reaction to something very terrible. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely despise whoever did this to her, but destroying a relationship that should have been her beacon of light doesn't seem all that reasonable."

"Leslie was scared..."

"I get that!" Hermione yelled and squeezed her eyes shut. "I get that she was scared, hurt, humiliated and full of self-hatred. I've been there and I know those feeling all too well. But I also know that Leslie is a sixteen year old girl, who has a whole life ahead of her!"

"How can you say those things, Hermione?! Whose side are you on?! She was raped. For fucks sake, I can't even imagine how hard it must be to live with that. How can you shame her for trying to cope?!" Amy asked with outrage and Hermione shot her an offended look.

"Shame her?! Oh yeah, I'm definitely doing that. But here's the thing. I'd kill that bastard who did this to her and then I'd hold her, cry with her and do everything to help her get through the worst. But then I'll also do everything to help her get  _back_ to her life, not forget about it. She cut her hair and started to hide herself in those clothes she's wearing. And I would be perfectly fine with that, but it's not a sign of a change. It's a sign of fear. Forgive me if I don't want to see my friend going through life just to  _endure it_. I want her to actually  _live it_ and learn how to trust people again, because not everyone out there is terrible!" she started of yelling, but then her voice dropped to merely a whisper.

Amy went quiet for a minute and then she sat down on her bed, clearly jittery. Her hands were shaking, as she looked at Hermione with sorrow. At this moment, Miss Granger realised that her outburst was probably much more personal and revealing than she wanted it to be. She squeezed her eyes shut once again and swallowed the salty tears that appeared out of nowhere.

"She just gave up, Amy. And I don't care about her friendship with Ewan, even if I'm sure that he truly loves her and would never hurt her. She pretends to be tough, so that no one can touch her again. She hides herself behind this façade of a tomboy and I believe it's not who she really is. I know how difficult it is to be in a dark place, but I also know that it is possible to come back from it. And she deserves that, she truly does."

Amy stared at her in awe, making Hermione so uncomfortable that she decided to finish this discussion and simply back out of the room, but the blonde's voice stopped her.

"What happened to you, Hermione?"

She said it so quietly that it could have been a figment of the imagination, but the brunette knew that that wasn't the case. She sighed and bit her bottom lip, avoiding Amy's gaze.

"I was broken, Amy. My parents have been killed by blood purists. My friends died to protect me..." her voice cracked, but she knew she had to go on. "And I've been tortured by a complete lunatic. She gave me this."

Her scar suddenly became visible and Amy covered her mouth. Hermione wanted to laugh bitterly, seeing this reaction once again, but it was a sign of her pain and desperation.

"That's..."

"Horrible? Terrifying? Disgusting? Well... this is not the only scar I've gotten from that bitch. But this one is special. It was was carved into my body with a cursed knife. It's going to stay there forever, always reminding me of that night," she said quietly and then looked straight into Amy's eyes. "The point is, I've been through hell. I wasn't raped, but I know what pain feels like. The  _Cruciatus Curse_ will teach you that within a second. I wanted to die so badly, Amy. But I didn't. I didn't and I decided that I have to fight. My life's not over yet."

"And neither is Leslie's," Amy whispered, not even trying to conceal her tears.

Hermione nodded and smiled sadly.

"So forgive me for saying this, but I'm going to make her acknowledge that, even if it means forcing her to relive everything. I will not let her destroy herself. She can hate me for all I care, but at least I'll know that I did the right thing."


	11. Chapter 11

"Are you going to be mad at me forever?"

 A whisper sounded right next to her ear, causing her to jump up and yelp with fear.

Her wand was out immediately, pointing at a guy standing right behind her. Hermione was ready to curse him into oblivion, but stopped herself when she noticed that familiar grin, which could only belong to Sirius.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to sneak up on me like that?!" she yelled and rubbed her forehead, listening to her racing heart.

"It's not my fault that the books absorb you to the point where you have no clue what's happening around you," he observed with a smile, his hands stuck into his pockets.

He looked slightly uneasy, even though he tried his best to hide it. Hermione could tell that he wasn't doing all that well, since his muscles were tensed and eyes betrayed discomfort.

"You don't have to take advantage of it, you know," she murmured and sat down once again, getting back to her essay.

She heard his question perfectly well, but decided to ignore it for now. Avoiding Sirius had been her main objective those past few days and it seemed to be working very well, since the man had no intentions of stepping inside the library. Until now, that is. She could no longer pretend that he didn't exist and it made her stomach clench.

It wasn't like he had done something unforgivable. Hermione couldn't even say that she was still mad at him. No, the case was much more complicated. The emotions that he had managed to evoke in her were dangerous. She kept telling everyone that they were just friends, but her mind, her heart and her entire body started to want something completely else from him and that scared her.

What had happened in Hogsmeade proved the theory that this man was nowhere near ready for a relationship. She had to stay away from him, until she would be sure that her feelings were under control.

"So... You didn't answer my question," Sirius said, sitting down in front of her.

Hermione looked at him briefly, but stayed silent, causing the boy to frown.

"Come on, love. Talk to me. You forced me to come to the library. Isn't that enough to prove that I'm kind of sorry?" he groaned and Hermione snarled.

"Kind of? How can you be  _kind of sorry?_ "she asked dryly. "Do you even know why I'm mad in the first place?"

"No. That's why I'm kind of sorry."

"Any theories?"

Hermione's voice was laced with sarcasm as it was really hard not to be angry. You really needed to be Sirius Black in order to apologize for something that you had no clue about.

"Actually, one. And I must say, I like this theory very much," he murmured and leaned forward, his grey eyes boring deep into hers. "You might have been jealous."

Sweet Merlin, his voice could sound like a pure velvet, so rich and enticing that she almost forgot that she was mad at him. It took all of her willpower to keep a straight face, when he purred at her like that, but she somehow managed to do so.

"Jealous... Yeah, keep trying," she answered and shook her head.

He didn't have to know that she  _might_ have been a little jealous. Hermione was sure though that nothing good would come out of sharing that information with him. That man had already been vain. Adding to that wasn't the smartest idea she could have gotten.

"Are you sure? Cause I think that you started to be angry right after you've seen me with Celia."

"Not exactly, although it has a lot to do with that girl," she admitted, making Sirius laugh.

" _That girl?_  Yeah, definitely not jealous. Come on, Hermione. You know that she doesn't mean anything," he shook his head and smiled at her brilliantly.

She slammed her book shut and looked at him with a murderous glance.

"She's a  _woman,_ Sirius. Not a sharp one, I agree, but still a woman. And the fact that you're okay with flirting with me, then going on a date with another girl and then trying to trash her so I would forgive you scares the hell out of me," she snapped at him and squeezed her eyes shut. "I'm not naive enough to think that you're actually interested in me. But I was naive enough to think that I was your friend. And you let Celia refer to me as 'the girl that's trailing you all the time'. You didn't protest and I expected you to pick me over her. After all, she means nothing to you, yeah? Makes me wonder what the hell do I mean to you. So yeah, I'm mad at you and I'm going to stay mad, because apparently this is all a joke to you," she stated dryly and stood up, looking at him with disappointment.

Sirius' mouth was gaping, as he stared at her with shock. He probably didn't see that coming and Hermione was very proud of herself to be the cause of Padfoot's unintelligent appearance. She wasn't going to dwell on that though, as she grabbed her books, her bag and stormed out of the library.

It took only a minute for Sirius to follow her, though. Even her furious steps couldn't keep him away, as he basically sprinted towards her and pushed her onto the wall.

"What the hell are you doing?" she growled and tried to free herself from his grip, but he was, obviously, way too strong.

His muscles had absolutely no trouble with keeping her in the same place, but she knew that thinking about his body so close to her own wasn't exactly a good idea.

"Stop wriggling, Hermione, and just listen," he pleaded and she sighed loudly, looking at him with fury. "I wanted you to be jealous, alright?" he admitted and sent her a shy gaze. "I've heard about your date with Hughes and I kind of... Well, I thought that you were interested in  _me_ , not him. So it pissed me off and I wanted to make you jealous."

Hermione blinked a couple of times, her anger dissipating completely. Did he just... No. There was no way in hell that Sirius could have meant it.

"You... You what?"

"I wanted you to be jealous. Are you really this surprised?" he asked and smiled at her.

"Um... Yeah? You flirt with everyone, for Merlin's sake. Did you really expect me to feel special?"

"I honestly didn't even expect you to  _be_ special. But you are," he whispered and cupped her cheek with his hand.

This was not going well. Especially not with that passionate look in his eyes, that made her want to... ' _Get yourself together, you idiot,'_ she basically yelled to herself, hoping that it might actually help her shake off those feelings boiling inside her body.

"Sirius, stop. I like you. I really, really like you. But there can't be anything more than friendship between us," she said quietly and watched Sirius' expression change to somewhat amused.

"Oh yes, I know. You're complicated and I'm shallow, you're looking for a real relationship and I'm just looking for a good shag. I thought you may say something like this," he informed her with a smile, making Hermione frown.

"I don't think you're shallow, Sirius. But the second part is kind of true."

"Okay, I'll admit, I'm not a saint. But the thing is, I have never actually met a girl that would make me want to change. But you do. You have this fire inside of you. Life treated you like shit and you're still fighting and walking with your head up high. You're incredibly smart and beautiful, but you're not vain in the slightest. How could I  _not_ be interested in you?"

Hermione blushed furiously and did her best not to let his words get to her. A proof of his ability to be sweet and charming was definitely not necessary, especially given her resolution to turn him down. Instead, she snorted and shook her head with disbelief.

"Because I'm the opposite of what you usually like. I mean, look at Celia. That girl is pretty stunning. In comparison to her, I'm really bland and common. My personality may be alluring to you right now, but I'm sure it's going to pass, Sirius. It makes me complicated, just as you said. I don't have the luxury of wasting time on games and fooling around."

"You really need to stop being so harsh on yourself," Sirius murmured in response, his body pressing into her own even more.

"I am being honest, Sirius. I'm simply not right for you."

Barking laughter filled the air, as his chest vibrated against her own, making shivers run down her spine. It was almost impossible to think straight with him this close to her. All she wanted to do was to wrap her arms around his neck and let herself sink into his silvery-grey eyes, that kept staring at her with passion.

"How can you know that, Herms? It's not like you can decide what's best for  _me_ and I'm pretty sure I can be best for  _you_. I can make you forget every single one of your stupid arguments for turning me down," he whispered against her lips, brushing over them with a feathery touch.

Her breath hitched, as she forced herself to still, afraid of making a move and even more scared of staying in one place and letting him do whatever he pleased. She was completely unable to make a decision, so she stayed quiet and hoped that maybe he would see her uneasiness and back down.

Of course, no such thing happened. A smirk graced his lips merely seconds before he kissed her. The fact that he was skilled in that area posed no mystery. After all, he had quite an impressive history of previous experiences. But Hermione would never expect him to be this gentle and passionate at the same time. His lips brushing against her own felt so right, that she couldn't stop herself from kissing him back and making his smile widen.

His thumb kept running small circles on her cheeks, while the other hand landed on her waist, bringing her body even closer. Hermione's heart kept thumping against her chest, its sound so deafening that it was impossible to hear anything else. The whole world around them might  have as well become non-existent, since there was no power that could make her care about the surroundings.

It took only a brief flashback of her past to make her come to her senses. She forced herself to break the kiss and push him away, even a little. Kissing Sirius felt right, but it shouldn't have been that way. Hermione was supposed to save that man from an awful fate, not engage in a relationship with him. There were simply too many risks coming from giving this relationship a shot and she knew that. A possibilty that things wouldn't work out between them was definitely too serious to ignore and if Sirius ad she hated each other, how could she even hope to achieve her goal? 

"I can't, Sirius. You may think all you want, but my arguments for turning you down are actually way too solid for you to be able to just kiss them away. I have my reasons, and I would be grateful if you could just respect them and never mention that again," she stated dryly, making his brows furrow with disbelief.

"You  _kissed me back_ , Herms. And I know you want to do a lot more than just that, I'm not blind, yeah? Why are you so hell-bent on stopping yourself?" he asked with anger.

His words caused her to blush and bite her bottom lip so hard, that it actually hurt. Pain was something that cleared her mind completely and gave her the strength to stick to her resolve, though.

"You're attractive, Sirius. I don't claim to be immune to that, but I find it way beneath me to just use you like that, when I have no intentions of engaging myself in a serious relationship. Not with you, not with anyone else. I'm better off on my own."

Padfoot looked at her with a smirk on his face and anger clouding his eyes. It wasn't a pleasant look, not on him, but nonetheless, she expected him to take it far, far worse. If he decided to throw a tantrum, it would actually make it so much easier for her to consolidate her opinion on the matter. But right now, his eyes seemed to scold her and her stupid resolution and it made her feel very unsure.

"For someone so bright you sure can be stupid sometimes," he muttered and shook his head with disappointment. "I kind of expected you to be stubborn and deaf to all my pleas. James even told me that being honest with you on that matter was an awful idea, because you would just run away like a scared mice. So let me just say this - you can't protect me from danger, Hermione. I know that you consider yourself to be a target and you're probably right, but being  _just friends_ doesn't make me any safer. Or you, for that matter. It won't hurt you any less if something happens to me, because your feelings for me are still going to be there, even if you keep turning me down," he said quietly and stuck his hands into his pockets, looking at her with intent.

Sometimes it was way too easy to forget that he had actually been quite brilliant. He acted so carelessly most of the time, that he reminded her of a child, ratherthan a man that was about to be grown up. Those rare moments of seriousness were merely forerunners of the person who he had yet to become. Maybe that man would be able to bring down all these walls that she had built around herself, making her unable to keep saying no. Until then though, she would have to hurt him over and over again.

"Maybe you're right saying that being my friend puts you in danger. But I also know that I've been forced to join a war that you're not ready for. And until you are, I can't give you what you're looking for. That would be a relationship based on lies and deceit and that's not something I want. It's also way beneath both of us."

"So instead you're just going to lie to me as your friend, yeah?" he asked with sarcasm, making her sigh tiredly.

"I actually try to avoid lying in general, Sirius. But the thing is, it's not possible to keep certain things away from the person you're in relationship with. It doesn't work the same way with friends and you know that."

"Had it ever occurred to you that maybe it would be best if you would just stop lying and told me the truth? How do you expect me to become ready for the upcoming war, if you keep me in the dark? Besides, we're at Hogwarts, Herms. There's no better place to actually loosen up a bit. The war is still going to be there after we finish school and right now, there's not much we can do anyways. Maybe it's not such a bad idea to actually  _live_ ", he sighed and looked at her with determination. "For your information, I'm not giving up on this. Even if I want to strangle you and kiss you senseless at the same time. Now that I have found someone who made me want to change, I'm not letting you go so easily"

With that, he kissed her again, closing the distance between them in a second. This time, the kiss was forceful and demanding, as he poured all of his anger into it. It ignited the fire inside of her body almost instantly, but before she decided to break her resolve once again, he pushed himself away and stormed off, leaving her hot and cold at the same time.

' _He's going to be trouble_ ', she thought and bit her lip that still had Sirius' taste lingering on it. ' _So much trouble'_

* * *

The night was surprisingly cold, but Hermione guessed she could blame only herself for staying up so late. After her encounter with Sirius, she had decided to go back to the library and finish the essay she was writing writing before the boy interrupted her. It had managed to dull her racing thoughts concerning Sirius and the situation she found herself in.

The arguments he had pulled out of his sleeve were more than reasonable, although she knew that it was not enough to change her mind. After all, he didn't know the entire truth and probably never would, which made this whole thing even more difficult. The fact that she simply couldn't let him win did nothing to help her extinguish that longing and want boiling inside of her heart.

Being at war with her own emotions made her so unaware of the passing time, that when she had finally snapped out of her daze, the moon was shining brightly, just as the stars surrounding it. She cursed under her breath and started to gather her things in haste. It was somewhat surprising to see Madam Pince sleeping in the chair by the desk, as she usually took care of students who were breaking the curfew by staying in the library so late. Tiptoeing past the librarian's desk, Hermione managed to sneak out to the corridor and faced the darkness of the Hogwart's halls.

She stopped being afraid of the darkness a long time ago, but the castle had always managed to make her uneasy, since it was so old and full of mysteries. At times like this, her memories of the battle became even more prominent, making her stomach clench violently. In a matter of seconds, Hermione grabbed her wand and muttered a spell, not wanting to stay in the dark any longer.

The way to the Ravenclaw Tower was long and filled with traps. Oh, how she wished she could have had Harry's cloak with her or even her beaded bag with the Marauder's Map in it. A realisation dawned at her and she started to search her school bag. She made a point of never leaving her purse in the dormitory, where the girls could always find it and start asking questions. After all, Undetectable Extension Charm she put on it wasn't exactly legal. Not mentioning the purse's other secrets, including the infamous Marauder's Map. There would be no way to avoid questions if they have found  _that_.

Hermione stuck her arm inside the purse, trying to find the piece of paper which could ensure her safe return to the Ravenclaw Tower. The corridors were quiet, so she took her time, not wanting to make a mess out of all the books and other things she stored inside of the bag. Finally, the map was out and she unfolded it carefully.

" _I solemnly swear that I am up to no good",_ she whispered pointing her wand at the old parchment and watched as the letters started to show up, making Hermione amazed as usual.

It really was a piece of art. Very advanced magic and incredibly useful at that. She had always assumed that Remus had played the biggest part in making it, but now that she had met James and Sirius, she knew that they were incredibly talented as well. It must have been their joined effort and the effects were absolutely brilliant. The map, despite her first doubts, turned out to be useful and life-saving at times.

She skimmed the map over, trying to find the safest way to her dormitory. The corridors were mostly empty, although seeing James' and Sirius' names wandering near the Trophy Room made her want to roll her eyes. Of course, they were  _up to no good_. Those boys and their endless pranks. Hermione admitted that those were usually funny and really clever, but some of them could be really childish and embarrassing. She wondered briefly which one would the boys pull off tonight, but decided that she didn't have time to dwell on that. If she could see them on the map, they could do the same thing with her and the last thing she wanted to endure was endless teasing from James.

Hermione sighed quietly and started to fold the map, when other two names caught her eye. Marcus Avery and Theodore Mulciber were standing on a corridor not so far away from the library. Most students avoided it, as it didn't lead to any important parts of the castle and made their way to classes much longer. Why would those two be standing there in the middle of the night? Miss Granger bit her lip, trying to come up with a reasonable explanation, but her mind went blank. There was no way she could just go back to her dormitory without finding out what they were up to. It was important enough to make them leave the dungeons, so that not even their housemates could listen in on their conversation.

Making a decision, she tapped her head with the tip of her wand, casting the Disillusionment Charm. An unpleasant sensation run through her body, as it started to disappear, taking the colour and texture of the wall behind her. She smiled with satisfaction at performing the spell correctly and started to rush through the corridors, trying to reach the Slytherins as fast as she possibly could. The map informed her that they were still there, making her slow down right before the corner leading to their location. Her arm disappeared inside her beaded bag once again, as she started to look for the Extendable Ears.

After disillusioning Weasley brother's invention, she levitated one ear towards the Slytherins and then put the other one next to her face. Hermione hoped that Snape didn't share his brilliant spells with his housemates, as it would make her effort completely pointless. Apparently, the future Potions' Master wasn't friendly enough to let them in on his secret inventions, as words flew into Hermione's ear without any interference.

"...he's getting impatient, you know that. That Mudblood has to be dealt with. Black is miserably infatuated with her, that Blood Traitor. Dark Lord still hopes to get him on our side and will not be happy to learn about his involvement with that bitch. Same goes for Potter," Mulciber's voice reached her ears and she almost gasped at the realisation that they were talking about her.

"She's skilled and she never leaves the library, Mulciber. It's hardly a place to curse her. No one can know about our involvement. The Dark Lord needs spies at this bloody school."

"I am aware Avery. Which is why we need to target somebody else. We can threaten her and make her choose between her life and some other Mudbloods. The Dark Lord would reward us greatly for bringing her to him."

Hermione felt a wave of nausea fill her body, as she realised that those bastards planned to hurt someone just to be able to manipulate her. She had no possibility to protect everyone in that huge castle and it was literally impossible for her to figure out their target before it would be too late. What was she supposed to do?!

"If someone gets hurt, all eyes would be on us. Dumbledore's no fool, he'll figure it out in a matter of seconds," Avery protested with a hiss. "We're not supposed to capture her, just send her a message. She can't know that we were the one to hurt her friends or else Dumbledore will learn about it"

"He would still have to have a proof. His position gives him power, but he cannot break the law by giving us Veritaserum. It would our words against his," Mulciber said in response, but it wasn't enough to convince his friend. 

"He would still watch us like a hawk and we still have other matters to attend to. It would simply complicate out lives."

"Fine. What do you propose then?"

"I don't know. Maybe we should use Snape? She had been friendly towards him, Merlin knows why. He was friends with a Mudblood before, so it wouldn't raise any suspicions from anyone else."

Hermione wanted to congratulate Avery for coming up with something like this. Now, she would be able to convince Snape to switch sides. Or maybe at least implant him with a seed of doubt. It would still be considered a success, at least for now.

"He's never going to agree on that. He's obsessed with Evans and spying on her interests him more than doing something useful," Mulciber snorted, making Hermione frown.

Severus spying on Lily? That thought seemed very disturbing and she would definitely have to check if there was any truth to it.

"The Dark Lord gave us orders. He won't ignore them if he wants to be part of his plan. Snape's not stupid, otherwise our Lord would have no interest in him. He'll make the right choice," Avery stated and the Slytherins fell quiet.

Hermione started to wonder if they were still there, but after a moment, Mulicber spoke again.

"We should get back to the dungeons. It's getting really late and Filch is probably starting to patrol the corridors."

The Ravenclaw took his words as the cue to leave. She carefully withdrew the Ear from the corridor and packed it into her bag. Hermione was thankful that the way to the dungeons required the boys to go in a completely different direction, as she could calm her breath and gather her thoughts in peace.

The conversation between the boys was disturbing, to say the least. Voldemort had targeted her, just as she and Dumbledore expected, but it still was somewhat frightening. What was even more important, Riddle apparently had a way to contact the students without any risks and that meant that the measures taken by the Headmaster to prevent that from happening were not enough.

She certainly had a lot to tell the man. But right now, she needed to get back to bed. Nothing good would come out of her getting caught and having to explain herself. 


	12. Chapter 12

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

Gracie was clearly disturbed, as she stared at Hermione with a look that could only mean that she was on a verge of crying.

"I could ask the same thing, you know? Why are you crying?"

"Am not! But I will be, if you're not going to explain to me why have you turned him down?! Who does that?! He's Sirius Black!" the girl yelled and Hermione opened her mouth with disbelief.

"How did you find out?!"

"Because he turned down Alicia Flemmings from Hufflepuff, saying that he was interested only in  _you._ And I don't see you snogging him senseless, so I figured you must have said no to him. Thus, my question. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

Hermione scowled, as her ears threatened to burst. Grace certainly had a voice that could shatter glass, making everyone around very uncomfortable.

"Nothing's wrong with me. I just don't want to date him," she shrugged and readied herself for another outburst.

"I'd kill to be in your place. He's..."

"... Sirius Black, yeah, I know. Which is exactly why I don't want to date him. We're better as friends," she explained trying to sound as convincing as possible, but Grace was too caught up with her own point of view to accept Hermione's opinion on that matter.

"He doesn't seem to think so. He turns other girls down, Hermione! And not by saying no. He explains that his heart is already taken! How cute is that?"

Yes. Very cute. And very troubling, in Miss Granger's eyes. She had to give it to the man, he was incredibly clever. Portraying her as a cruel, heartless woman would certainly annoy her, as she desperately wanted peace and quiet. Everyone talking about her yet again was the last thing she could describe as 'desirable'.

"It doesn't matter, Gracie. I don't  _want him_. No matter how cute he appears to be. He probably wants to get me riled up, so that I would say yes to him to gain some peace and privacy."

"Liar! Everyone wants Sirius!"

At this exact moment, Leslie joined them in the dormitory and snorted loudly.

"Not true. He's super hot, true, but I don't want him."

"You're a weirdo, that's why!"

"Well, that makes me a weirdo too," Hermione smiled and shrugged once again.

Her nonchalance might have looked authentic, but her insides were screaming with shame. Gracie was right, it wasn't normal not to want Sirius Black in the slightest, at least in the physical aspect. True, his personality was way too flawed to like everything about it, but his appearance... That was a completely different story and a very shallow one at that.

Hermione looked at Leslie and tilted her head to the side with curiosity.

"Why don't you like him, actually?"

"He's arrogant and treats women like toys. I know that they are not really opposed to this, but still... He shouldn't do it."

It was so easy to figure out that Leslie hated Sirius. Maybe not in a way that most people would, but he must have reminded her of someone who did wrong by her. Was it possible that someone she knew took a 'no' for a 'yes'? Or had it been something entirely else?

"He's not a bad person. Actually, his loyalty to his friends is admirable. I have no doubts that he would die for them. According to him, he had never met someone who would make him want to settle down. Those girls basically throw themselves at him and, I agree, he should turn them down and not take advantage of their stupidity. But other than that, he's a decent person," she said and furrowed her brows.

Leslie seemed to be a little embarrassed and Hermione knew that it had something to do with her thoughts, rather than words. She almost couldn't believe how no one managed to notice this girl's obvious animosity towards men in general. Those  _Bookish Fridays_ were actually a nice way to blend in, but Hermione could tell that the girl did everything in her power not to participate actively in them most of the time. The girls knew about her past and yet she wanted to pretend to be unharmed, even in front of them. The question was: 'Why?'.

"I'm not saying he isn't. I just don't like the way he acts towards women, that's all," Leslie shrugged and averted her gaze, clearly not comfortable with Hermione's scrutinizing stare.

"Well, apparently he decided to stop and focus on just one," Gracie said, her tone a bit offended.

It was hard to blame her, since she had been one of those girl who 'threw themselves' at Sirius. Hermione knew that the girl's infatuation with Padfoot was rather platonic now, but back then, she had been crazy about the guy.

"I give him a couple of days before he changes his mind," Leslie stated and dodged a pillow flying towards her.

"You can be horrible sometimes! Maybe he's decided to grow up and shaming him for the past definitely is not helping!"

"It's not like he can hear us, yeah?"

"Doesn't mean you can trash-talk him! Would you feel so good if someone called you a whore?!" Gracie asked before she could stop herself.

The room went quiet and Hermione looked at both girls with faked misapprehension. She watched as Leslie's face paled and her eyes started to fill with tears. Grace seemed to be truly horrified by her words and run towards the girl, with a guilty expression painted on her face.

"Les, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"It's okay."

Leslie's voice was quiet and so different than her usual vibrant tone that Hermione couldn't stop herself from scowling. It took everything she had to stay quiet and not ask any questions, but she decided that it was the right thing to do, even if the girl's behaviour pretty much told her that something bad had just happened.

Grace looked at Hermione with uncertainty, as she tried to decide whether she had just given up Leslie's secret unintentionally, but Leslie didn't seem to care. Her eyes stayed trained on Hermione's face, betraying lots of different emotions.

"You know," she stated quietly and Hermione nodded her head, seeing no point in denying. "Who told you?"

"Actually, no one. I've noticed that some subjects made you feel uncomfortable and then I've heard that you and Ewan had been friends before. I added those two together and it became pretty obvious."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because it's not my business, Leslie. Only you can decide whether to trust me or not. I don't know any details and, honestly, I don't care for them. All I care about is that you're hurt and scared," Hermione said and watched Leslie's expression change rapidly.

"I'm not scared!" she denied angrily, clenching her fists.

"Of course you are. You stray away from every single boy, not mentioning leaving Ewan without as much of an explanation. One doesn't do those things out of pure desire."

Leslie fell quiet, colour returning to her face as her cheeks tinged pink.

"You don't know everything about everyone, Hermione. You're not a fucking oracle," she snapped after a moment, clearly outraged.

Grace looked at both of them with a disturbed expression, chewing on her bottom lip and trying to figure out best way to behave. Apparently, she decided against joining their discussion and Hermione felt really grateful for that. Leslie was going to be enough trouble on her own.

"I don't claim to be. It's just very easy to spot someone's pain and suffering when you're so familiar with those feeling yourself."

Hermione's voice was quiet and calm, posing a harsh contradiction to the anger painted on Leslie's face. Hearing someone talking about pain and suffering surely seemed inappropriate to her. In her mind, no one could understand her feelings and terrors she'd been through. All those people who claimed to 'know how she felt' were liars, as none of them could relate to something so horrifying as rape. 

Miss Granger would lie if she said that it was something she was familiar with. No... Besides Fenrir Greyback, none of her torturers had ever wanted to touch her. She was a filthy Mudblood, after all.

It didn't mean that she wasn't scarred though. Her nightmares were the ultimate proof of that. Physical pain was nothing compared to that feeling ripping apart her entire body, when she thought about her friends and all those horrors that they had all been through.

"Oh yeah, I've heard that one before. You probably understand how I feel, huh?" Leslie asked with irony and bitterness in her voice.

Hermione furrowed her brows and shook her head.

"No. I've never been through  _that_. But I didn't have to. There are so many things that can make you wish you were dead, so that you wouldn't have to face living ever again. It hurts so much that you feel like you're falling apart, your whole body tearing and ripping, as your very soul tries to get away from the omnipresent pain. But it doesn't end there," Hermione's whisper seemed to dissipate Leslie's anger, that was now replaced with shock and disbelief.

"Life doesn't wait for you. It demands you to keep going, just as nothing has ever happened. And maybe it wouldn't be so bad, if it wasn't for the nightmares. They make you relieve all those things you wish to forget, over and over, until you can't take it anymore. You're so broken, that it seems impossible to fix you. So you give up, letting your fear win."

The room was so silent, that Hermione could hear Gracie's muffled breath, as she clearly tried to stop herself from sobbing. Hermione's words were filled with raw emotions, something that couldn't be faked even by the finest actors. It felt weirdly liberating to say all of those things out loud, instead of trying to keep that part of her closed off from the world. It had gotten so natural for her, that she was surprised that it had still hurt so much, despite the passing time. Connecting with her feelings proved that even though she was forced to change, the old Hermione was still there, gentle and delicate as always.

Miss Granger opened her mouth with surprise, when Leslie's arms wrapped herself around her body.

"That's exactly what if feels like. But how do I ever make it stop?" her shaky voice sounded close to Hermione's ear, causing her to smile sadly.

"You don't. You just learn to live with it. You acknowledge it, but don't let it dictate the terms..."

"But what if someone hurts me again?"

Hermione fell silent for a moment, but then sighed and pushed the girl away, looking deep into her beautiful, blue eyes.

"The risk of being hurt again will always be there. But the only way to prevent it from actually happening is to  _fight_. With everything you have. You don't let those bad people do that to you. You don't quit life, just because it got hard and almost unbearable. You make it your own again, creating new memories and a future that will outshine every single nightmare. You  _live._ "

' _You live for those who no longer can,'_ she thought as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

* * *

 

"Is that seat taken?"

Severus Snape stopped right in front of her desk, making Hermione blink with surprise.

"Um, yes. Amy sits here," she responded and smiled apologetically.

A moment later, the Slytherin sat down beside her and started to unpack his things, completely ignoring her words. Hermione knew very well that his behaviour was probably a result of a chat between Avery and Mulciber, but it still surprised her that he had actually decided to introduce their plan so early on.

"Haven't you heard me?"

"I have and she can sit somewhere else."

His tone was so cold and firm that Hermione saw no point in arguing. Amy would probably be angry at first, but the blonde knew that Severus Snape was not the guy to be messed with.

"Why do you even want to sit here? I was under the impression that you don't like me very much," she muttered and looked at him puzzled.

"I don't. You seem decent at Potions, though. Obviously not great, but definitely better than Avery."

Of course she wasn't any good. His statement made her want to roll her eyes with amusement, but she stopped herself and smiled instead.

"Thank you, I suppose. It's a great compliment coming from you."

Severus Snape flicked his gaze to her for the first time and narrowed his dark eyes. That man had the power to intimidate almost like nobody else she'd known and it took all of her strength not to flinch under his powerful stare.

"It wasn't a compliment. You're average, just like everyone else. The fact that you're not entirely brainless doesn't make you any better."

"Well, for your information, the fact that you're better at Potion's than most people doesn't mean you're actually smarter," she retorted and furrowed her brows.

It felt liberating to be able to talk back at him, without risking losing many, many points for her House, but the fact that he called her downright stupid didn't sit well with her. He used to call her an insufferable Know-It-All! And maybe he meant it as an insult, but it also implemented that she had known the answers to every single question. Sure, maybe she didn't feel like 'the brightest witch of her age', but she didn't deserve to be called stupid.

She was offended enough not to notice the Marauders walking into the classroom. When Sirius had spotted her and her new partner, fury appeared on his face, as he started to walk towards them with long strides.

"Snivellus, I believe you're in the wrong place," he stated coldly, making Hermione look up with anxiousness.

Was he really going to start a fight right in the middle of the classroom? Of course he was. He was Sirius Black, after all.

"I don't think so," Snape's cold reply did nothing to lighten Padfoot's mood, as his muscles tensed even more, making Hermione chew on her bottom lip.

"Sirius..." she tried to interrupt, but her voice sounded way too weak for the Gryffindor to even acknowledge it.

"Yes, thinking is not one of your qualities, is it?" Sirius laughed, but the sound reminded her of Bellatrix rather than his usual self.

"Sirius..." she tried again and this time managed to capture his attention.

"Why are you letting him sit here, Herms?"

"It's not like it's forbidden. He's not exactly hurting me and I can't force him to move, can I? It's fine, really," she sighed and flicked her hand dismissively hoping that Sirius would do the right thing and just walk away.

That man had never been the one to think clearly, though. He sent her an offended glance and shook his head with disbelief.

"His not the right company for you. He's dangerous, Hermione!"

"And what's he going to do? Kill me with his textbook?" she snapped angrily and regretted her words as soon as they had left her mouth. "Come on, Sirius. It's really not worth to fight over something so trivial."

Padfoot looked at her with fury and it became clear that he was hurt by her words. After all, he had been her friend and yet, she'd decided to side with Snape. Guilt flooded her body, as Sirius slumped down on his chair. She knew that there was no other choice, but it still made her feel like crap.

"I don't need your protection," Snape hissed at her, contempt visible on his face.

Hermione sent him a glare that probably seemed murderous.

"You both act like children. Instead of staying away and ignoring each other, you fight like a bunch of kids. I didn't defend  _you_ , Snape. I merely stated the truth, so don't flatter yourself."

Her voice was filled with bitterness and it was enough to make him fall silent. He didn't stop looking at her though, making her even more angry and miserable. All she wanted to do was to run away and cry her eyes out, as the old Hermione would do. The new one, however, had to be tough and act like she didn't care. All of her feelings were irrelevant, even if that meant she had to face the world alone. 


	13. Chapter 13

November was her least favourite month, without any doubts. She hated rain and the ever-present cold that seemed to seep through every layer of clothing, leaving her body trembling and in a desperate need for warmth. Hermione disliked it for more than just the weather, though. November had always meant that the Inter-House Quidditch Cup was about to begin. Unfortunately, flying on a broom required an open space, which forced every student in the school to go out and sit in the rain and wind as both teams tried to end the game as quickly as possible.

The fact that she had managed to miss the first game of the year between Gryffindor and Slytherin did nothing to lighten up her mood. It made her feel guilty, as Sirius and James were both part of the Gryffindor team and they were her friends, who really wanted her support. Sirius was so disappointed that she hadn't been there that he stopped talking to her once again, right after she had apologized to him for what happened in Potions. Of course, it hadn't been her fault that Moody decided to use the opportunity to see if she was still in condition to defend herself, had anything bad occurred. Sirius didn't know that though and she had to lie to him and say that she got busy with her essays.

A week had passed and now she was on a good path to be late to the game,  _again_. This time, it was entirely her fault and it made her even angrier. She completely forgot to leave her books in the dormitory and she wasn't stupid enough to take them to the Quidditch pitch, where everyone would be able to destroy them. By the time she got to the Ravenclaw Tower, she had already known that there was no way she would be on time. And to think that Hermione had always been a punctual and reliable person.

She had also been the one to avoid running through the corridors like a crazy person, but this time her usual rules seemed to be forgotten. It was not like many students decided to wander the halls anyway. Most of them preferred to get down to the pitch as quickly as possible in order to get the best places. Most, but not everyone.

"Bloody hell!" A voice groaned from underneath her body, as she slammed into its owner at her highest speed.

"Remus? Did I kill you?" she asked, completely short of breath and looked at the boy with worry.

"I'm pretty sure that being dead would hurt less," he managed to say weakly, making Hermione get up immediately. "I'm fine, Hermione. Actually, I was looking for you."

Miss Granger blinked with surprise and watched as the prefect stood up and started to brush off his robes.

"Sirius told me to get you, because he was worried you might miss your own House's game," he explained and smiled apologetically.

"Sirius? Why did he send you instead of coming here by himself?"

Remus chuckled and shook his head with amusement.

"Because he's too busy being a child, Hermione. To him and James, Quidditch is holiness. They simply don't understand how someone can miss a game. And Sirius took it very personal, since..."

Hermione raised her hand, stopping him mid-sentence. She knew exactly what he was trying to say and was in no mood for hearing anything about it.

"Yes, I get it," she said dismissively and then took her time to look at Remus.

Her brows furrowed immediately as she'd noticed the circles under his eyes and the pallor of his face. It was so hard not to tell him that his  _furry problem,_  as the rest of Marauders referred to his lycanthropy, was no secret to her... But she needed to wait at least a couple of months to talk to him about it. No one, even as bright as her, could be able to jump to that conclusion after merely two months. Students weren't supposed to be werewolfs, after all...

"You're sure I didn't hurt you? You don't look so good,"she stated quietly, despite her thoughts.

It might have been way too early to admit to knowing the truth, but it was never too early to express concern about her friend's health, even if it made Remus slightly uncomfortable. He probably figured that with her sharp mind it was a matter of time before she would find out about his secret, which was probably why he decided to stay away from her, rather than befriend her the way that James and Sirius had. Hermione didn't hold it against him, as the society could be very cruel towards people like him. She was, however, determined to gain his trust and make him comfortable around her.

"I think I'm coming down with something. The weather is simply appalling,"Remus answered and sighed.

Hermione nodded and started to search her bag for a Pepper-Up Potion. She made a point of carrying it with her, as the last thing she wanted to do was to lay in a hospital bed with fever. And now she could use it to make Remus warm up to her.

"Here! You should take this! It can save you a trip to the Hospital Wing!" she exclaimed brightly and handed the vial to Remus, who took it with a surprise.

"Pepper-Up? Are you seriously carrying that around?"

"Yes. You've said it yourself, the weather is awful and I have no intentions of being sick. It would be incredibly hard not to fall back with the schoolwork then."

Remus looked at her for a second and then started to laugh. Hermione furrowed her brows and sent him a questioning stare.

"You're such a bookworm. For what it's worth, I really hope that you're going to use your newly found power over Sirius to make him study..."

"Oh, don't worry. I'm going to make him and James cram so hard that this whole place will be peaceful for at least an entire month!" she chuckled and rolled her eyes.

"I'd like to see that happen. But for now, we should get going, otherwise Sirius is not going to speak to both of us."

Hermione sighed and decided that the boy was probably right. Actually, the silent treatment that Padfoot was giving her wouldn't be so bad. If only she'd stop missing him so terribly.

* * *

 

"Look who's decided to show up!" James exclaimed and laughed, seeing her grim expression.

Hermione wasn't all that happy about sitting amongst the Gryffindors. Not that she didn't like them. It was just that her roommates would use her absence as a perfect excuse to blackmail her into being a lector during their next Bookish Friday. They claimed that she had the most perfect voice and intonation for reading smut. Hermione didn't know if that should be taken as a compliment or rather an insult, but she learned that it was best not to ask. She learned it the hard way.

"Yes, hello to you to, Jamie," the Ravenclaw rolled her eyes and sighed, sitting next to Sirius, as it was the only place left.

It probably wasn't a coincidence, as Sirius' arm wrapped itself around her shoulders almost immediately and pulled her closer to his warm body. Hermione could feel all the stares burning holes in her robes, but decided that she didn't care. If she had to sit out here for a couple of hours, she might as well get as comfortable as possible and Sirius' warmth was  _very_ pleasant.

"Remus, where did you find her? In the library?"

"She actually ran into me, as she was rushing to get here on time,"Remus explained with a grin and Hermione blushed slightly, when Sirius' arm tightened around her.

"Anxious to see me, love?" he purred like a cat, sending a shiver down her spine.

"Not really. It's not like we were talking much those past few days," she reminded him impassively, making James laugh.

"That's because you weren't there for our game, woman! And Sirius likes when his women are watching him."

"Well,  _his women_ were definitely watching him and  _I_  was busy doing something productive."

The boys laughed again and Sirius sighed, clearly displeased. He withdrew his arm and stuck his hands inside the pockets. Hermione immediately shivered, making him smirk with satisfaction. She was way too proud to ask him to embrace her again, though, so she clenched her teeth and started to look around the pitch.

It seemed that the game hadn't even started yet. No one was flying around and Madam Hooch was nowhere to be seen. Hermione furrowed her brows and asked:

"Wasn't the game supposed to begin like 15 minutes ago?"

"The weather is terrible. Hooch is probably trying to get everyone to play fair and square as it can be really dangerous in those conditions," James explained, reminding Hermione of the most important reason for her dislike of Quidditch.

It could be deadly and she had no intentions of dying with a stick between her legs. Not only was it utterly pointless and stupid, but it also sounded very dirty.

At that exact moment, the players flew out of their changing rooms and the uproar erupted from the stands. She decided to quit being a buzz killer and cheered along with everyone else, earning herself satisfied glances from James and Sirius.

It turned out to be surprisingly easy to fall into the mood, as the Marauders commented on every single action and explained all the interesting manoeuvers to her. That part of Quidditch she could actually enjoy. Learning something new had always been interesting, even if it required her to actually stay focused throughout the game. She couldn't believe that she had never took interest in all those tactics, as they seemed to be really demanding to understand. Being able to spot different manoeuvers made the spectacle so much more entertaining, that she almost forgot about the cold and her clattering teeth.

But then, a lightning cut the sky in multiple places, making everyone gasp. Hermione tensed up immediately, as a flashback of her memories took her breath away for a minute. She could almost see Harry falling down from his broom and then flying towards the ground with an astonishing speed. And now the history seemed to repeat itself, even if she was the only one that could possibly know about it.

The moment Ewan started to fall, Hermione knew what had to be done. Before anyone could react, her wand was out and an incantation left her mouth.

" _Arresto Momentum!"_

Her scream could probably be heard on the other side of the pitch, but she couldn't care less. She was focused on saving Ewan's life. His body slowed down just before it the ground and then slumped down with a soft and very wet thump. Her heart was beating against her chest like crazy as she stood there, completely frozen with her wand still pointed towards Ewan.

The whole stadium went quiet and even the players stopped for a moment to just stare at her with shock. Hermione couldn't blame them, as her entire body seemed to be in denial as well. It was hard to breathe, as she watched some of the Professors run towards Ewan to help him, as his body continued to just lay there without a sign of life.

Was she too late? She could have sworn that her spell worked before he hit the ground, but what if her mind decided to play tricks on her? What if he was dead, because she wasn't able to save him on time?

"I need to go," she muttered and ran towards the stairway.

The Marauders yelled after her, but none of them had actually tried to stop her. It took her only a minute to find herself right next to Ewan's body, while the teachers started to scold her.

"Miss Granger, you shouldn't be here. The game is still taking place", Minerva McGonagall informed her with a stern look, but couldn't hide the pride shining in her eyes.

"Actually, Minerva, I believe we have to end the game. Mr Hughes had managed to catch the Snitch", Dumbledore said with his brows furrowed and nodded to Madam Hooch who kept hovering over their heads, keeping an eye on the game, but staying close to the injured boy.

Mere seconds later, the commentator announced that Ravenclaw had won the game, but Hermione couldn't help but notice worry in Headmaster's eyes. She shifted impatiently and asked:

"Professor, is Ewan alright?"

"You probably saved his life, Miss Granger, but I'm afraid that he's not unharmed"

"Was it..."

"...the fall? No, unfortunately," Dumledore shook his head and exchanged grim looks with Professor McGonagall.

Hermione's heart clenched when she realised that whatever happened, it must have been serious.

"Please, professor. Ewan's my friend," her voice cracked as she tried to blink away the tears that started to form in her eyes.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Dumbledore spoke and made her heart stop completely.

"I'm afraid Mr Hughes has been cursed right before the fall."


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm so sorry! I haven't updated this for so long, but I had my reasons. This story is also posted on ff.net and on Wattpad, and it actually has over forty chapters. It's just that I honestly hate them. I've been actually trying to fix my mistakes, and this chapter... Well, it was impossible to correct. Updating this story here is a way for me to improve this story, so you're actually getting the better version of it :) It just takes a lot of time to make it so. 
> 
> Also, this chapter is probably bordering on pure fantasy, but I've decided to play with some ideas. I kind of hate that now, but well... People seem to like it, to my surprise, so I'm just letting it be. Once again, I'm sorry! I'll try to do a better job from now on and I hope that you're going to stay with me to see where everything goes! :) Oh, and also thank you for all your support! It means the world to me, and I honestly feel so so grateful! <3

 

* * *

 

"Miss Granger, I'm afraid that our assumption has been wrong the entire time."

Dumbledore's worried voice sounded in his office, snapping her out of the grievous thoughts running through her head. Her bottom lip hurt from all the chewing she'd done in the past hour and she was sure that it would start bleeding any minute now.

"We assumed that Voldemort had his supporters in the school, but we were sure that he would target the Slytherins. As the attack on Mr Hughes has proven, that seems to be completely incorrect. It must have been done by someone from Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw, as it would be impossible for anyone else to curse your friend so high up in the air."

The Headmaster seemed to be truly disturbed by his musings and Hermione had to admit that this feeling was mutual. Nothing about the entire situation had been easy and pleasant. A student had been hurt and she had every reason to believe that it had been entirely her fault. She was on the verge of a breakdown, for the first time since her stay at the Hospital Wing had ended and Moody had taken her under his wings.

Ewan was hurt severely and his only fault was being friends with her. A Mudblood, that couldn't keep her mouth shut. Couldn't, even though she knew she should have.

"Professor, I don't think that anyone from Hufflepuff would be able to do something like that," she said, despite the guilt that's been eating at her soul, threatening to rip it apart.

"Yes, under normal circumstances, I would agree with you on that matter, Miss Granger. However, nothing about this situation is normal. Dark Arts were used on the school grounds, in the possibly most vile way. The attacker has undoubtedly tried to kill Mr Hughes, making it look like an accident. Your friend wasn't supposed to survive the fall, making it very unlikely that somebody would check his body for the residues of a dark spell. It was very clever, you have to admit," the man stated and frowned slightly.

In Hermione's mind nothing about what happened was clever. It was vile and repelling, making her sick to her stomach. Killing somebody was one of those things that she would never cease to forget. She felt dirty and unworthy, even if there had been no other choice at that moment. Bellatrix deserved what she got, but Hermione had no doubts that she wouldn't be able to do it again. The burden she had to carry was way too great.

The thought that someone might actually want to carry it and revel in the feeling of taking somebody's life was even more terrifying to her now, when she had known what it felt like to kill someone. There was also nothing clever about deciding to follow the dark path.

"What are you suggesting, professor?" she asked, unable to stop herself from lacing her voice with all the pent-up emotions.

Dumbledore seemed to be fully aware of the inner battle raging inside her body, but chose not to comment on that. There was no time for talks about morality.

"I'm saying that it really seems almost impossible that a student from Hufflepuff would be able to plan something like this. I believe that whoever did this to Mr Hughes, had been under the influence of the Imperius Curse."

Hermione gaped her mouth in surprise and sent her mind into motion. The solution proposed by Dumbledore seemed very likely, she had to admit that. Even still, his theory had some major holes in it. As far as she knew, casting Unforgivable Curses in Hogwarts had been strictly prohibited. There was simply no way to curse someone without Dumbledore knowing about it beforehand. Was that why he came up with this theory?

"Professor, correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't it be impossible to cast an Unforgivable without triggering the wards?"

"Yes, Miss Granger. However, it might be possible that the spell was cast during a Hogsmeade visit."

But that would have been even before she overheard the conversation between Mulciber and Avery. Was it possible that they had planned this whole thing in advance? Maybe after they've heard about her 'date' with Ewan? But if that was truly the case, why hadn't they said anything about it during their meeting?

"I see you're having doubts," Dumbledore observed and she sighed loudly.

"I'm not sure, Professor. Why would they speak about trying to get to me, if they'd already had plans?"

"Miss Granger, are you absolutely sure that they haven't been aware of you presence?"

Hermione frowned and tried to recall every moment of that night, as she had done a thousand times before. Mulciber and Avery might have been Slytherins, but there was no chance that they would be able to act out the entire scene. They'd started talking way before she'd appeared on that corridor.

"I'm positive," she stated decisively, making Dumbledore smile tightly.

"Then maybe we should take under consideration that Messers Mulciber and Avery are not the only spies inside of the castle."

That thought wasn't exactly comforting, Hermione noticed with worry. Those boys were trouble even on their own. Another spy would make the situation even worse. The Marauders Map might have been helpful when it came to trailing Mulciber and Avery, but wouldn't be exactly useful in finding out the identity of another Death Eater.

"We need to find the person that has been Imperioed," she said forcibly and Dumbledore smiled with appreciation.

"Yes, Miss Granger. I believe that would be the right thing to do. The person, who cast the spell must have been pretty close to our victim. We should undoubtedly use the fact that human minds record so much more than it seems. Maybe we will be able to find the true attacker's identity by searching through the memories of the cursed person."

Hermione nodded eagerly and allowed herself to relax her tensed muscles. They had a plan and at this moment, it was quite an optimistic realisation. It meant that whoever attacked Ewan, he would probably be brought to justice.

"Professor, do you mind telling me how Ewan is feeling?" she asked quietly, when another realisation popped into her mind.

She hadn't been able to monitor his condition, as she was way too busy with explaining her actions to every student. After what seemed like hours of constant babbling and repeating the same story over and over, she got summoned to Dumbledore's office, which left her without the ability to visit her friend in the Hospital Wing.

Frankly speaking, she was glad that she didn't have to face him so early after the accident. The guilt refused to go away and that put her in a very terrible mood. Hermione was incredibly scared that Ewan would simply blame and reject her, after he had learned what happened. She had no intentions whatsoever of lying to him; he deserved to know the truth. He deserved a choice between being friends with her and taking care of his own safety. It was not like she could ever hold it against him.

"Why won't you see for yourself, Miss Granger?"

The silence in the office seemed like an adequate answer to the Headmaster's question. Hermione couldn't bring herself to talk about her feelings in front of a man that she found so utterly superior to herself. He was the leader of a powerful organisation and shouldn't be bothered with her feelings. And yet, he seemed to be interested in those depressing thoughts residing inside of her mind.

"Miss Granger?" he asked again and looked at her from above his half-glasses.

A sharp intake of breath on her part was enough to show him how many doubts had gathered inside her body, so he smiled gently, urging her to speak.

"I just... I can't stop feeling guilty, Professor. I messed up. I was supposed to fix everything, not make it worse. Ewan wouldn't have become a target if it wasn't for his friendship with me. He deserves better than to be caught up in a war between me and those morons, pardon my language," she explained quietly and squeezed her eyes shut. "I didn't want anyone to end up hurt and I'm starting to think that maybe my presence at Hogwarts isn't needed, that maybe my skills might be useful somewhere else, where I could truly be responsible for myself and only for myself."

Her voice managed to capture Dumbledore's attention fully, as it was full of sorrow. The man looked at her with tension visible in his entire body and that didn't make her feel any better.

"Miss Granger. Hermione..." he started and sighed, making her lower her gaze to stare at the clasped hands, resting in her lap. "There was no way to predict the course of actions, even with your vast knowledge. We’ve agreed that the future you know, no longer exists. I believe that it would be reasonable to use your memories to build a new one, rather than stick to that improved version of what you know. Whether you like it or not, you're a vital part of what's yet to come and your role will be completely different than the one you've held previously."

Tears rolled down her cheeks, as her defences had finally given up, letting all of her emotions flow out of her body. She trembled violently and covered her face with her hands, trying to stop herself from falling apart completely.

"I don't know if I can. I don't belong here, Professor. Whenever I look at all these people, I realise that many of them will be dead by the time I am supposed to be born. When I think about the future, I see Harry's and Ron's faces, smiling brightly at me. I should be with them, even if that means being dead."

She knew she was right. Future was not to be messed with, no matter how hard she tried to convince herself that it had already been done. It was the reason why she tried to avoid any distractions. If no one remembered her, maybe the future would turn out to be similar, only better? After all, she didn't need to be a part of it, after she’d ensured everyone's safety. 

"I chose you, Miss Granger. Even if it was reckless and completely irresponsible. I trust myself to the point where I'm willing to believe that there had been no other choice left. And I chose you."

Her brain had managed to process that information a long time ago, but it still wasn't enough to force her to leave everything behind and just forget about it. Hermione was desperately trying to hold onto the girl, a young woman, she'd left behind back in the '90. But she just couldn't. It felt like splitting her soul into two different pieces, that were supposed to stay untouched until the day she died.

But she did die on that day. A realisation hit her like a lightning, making her gasp violently in a desperate need for air. No... It was not possible. It simply wasn't.

"Professor..." she whispered weakly and Dumbledore shifted in his chair with anxiousness. "How exactly do you create a Horcrux?"

The Headmaster looked at her with surprise, his mind trying to follow her trail of thoughts. Finally, he opened his mouth as his face paled considerably.

‘You have to kill someone,” he said cautiously and Hermione swallowed hard, knowing that she fulfilled that requirement.

“And then? Is there a ritual? How does it work?”

“According to the sources, you cannot create a Horcrux without the intent to do so. It is also said that the process of creating one is excrutiatingly painful. Why do you ask, Hermione?”

“Professor… I know that it shouldn’t be possible, because I’m still alive, but… I was so sure that   _died_. I was _convinced_ that I had. So how can I be here?”

"Hermione... If you're implying what I think you are..."

"I don’t know. But just minutes before I blacked out, I killed Bellatrix. I killed her with conviction and cold blood. And then... Then I started to think about going back through time, to save everyone. What if I somehow managed to create a Horcrux, before your spell activated and took me back to these times? What if that is the reason for me being alive?"

Her words sounded morbid, but unfortunately, they seemed very probable, at least in that moment. Dumbledore looked at her with consideration and then he rubbed his forehead tiredly.

"The Horcruxes are… well, a very mysterious subject. I cannot exclude the possibility of there being another way to create one.  Why would you insist on something so terrible, Hermione?”

“It’s just a feeling, Professor. I can’t really explain, but the more I think about it, the more convinced I am. I’m not supposed to be alive.”

Her heart was racing and her palms started to sweat uncontrollably. It took Voldemort years to get his body back, after his Killing Curse had rebounded and struck him instead of taking Harry's life. But he had split his soul six times before that night, making it completely shredded. Maybe the first Horcrux didn't actually cause someone to lose his body, after their death? Maybe it didn’t hurt to create one? Maybe her despair to turn back the time was enough to pour her soul into _something_ , which allowed her to survive?

"Do you still have that Time Turner that sent me here?" she asked, a bit hesitant.

Dumbledore stood up and started to rummage thorough one of his cabinets, the one that seemed to be the least interesting out of them all. After a minute, a familiar golden necklace with a small hourglass attached to it appeared in his hand, making Hermione shift with anxiety.

"There is an easy way to find out if…” she broke off and shook her head. “Horcruxes are indestructible. It takes something as power as the basilisk’s venom to destroy it. If I had somehow created one, we won’t be able to destroy it," she muttered quietly, doing everything in her power not to look in Dumbeldore's direction.

The tension had been so unbearable, that she found it hard to breathe. It felt like hours filled with grievous silence, while she awaited the Headmaster's verdict.

Finally, the man nodded and walked up to his desk. He placed the hour glass on top of it, and grabbed a knife. Hermione stopped breathing for a second, as she watched the blade get closer and closer to the Time Turner until it hit the small object and was thrown away by an invisible force.

She closed her eyes, feeling as her already crippled soul broke apart one more time.


	15. Chapter 15

Dirty. There was no better word to describe what she felt. Her whole body ached, as she stood under the hot stream of water, rubbing her skin with force. The pain did nothing to distract her from all those thoughts running through her head so fast, that she felt dizzy.

It was a nightmare, worse than anything she had ever experienced. There was nothing more vile than creating a Horcrux. The act itself had been despicable, as it required murdering someone with conviction. But when she had casted the spell, she hadn't thought about creating something so evil. Some of the people she cared about had been dead, but not everyone. She knew she had to save them, even if that meant sacrificing her own purity and innocence. But this?

This was simply unbearable. Her soul had been split into two pieces, and she had no idea why. Her body was taken back to 1976, but right before it happened, the Time Turner had become her very own Horcrux. Hermione had no other explanation than to just assume that the spell casted upon the hourglass by Dumbledore must have had something to do with this entire situation she had found herself in.

Her body was dying, when she got send back through time. What if the spell required her to be alive for the Time Turner to work? Maybe it had created a Horcrux, so that she would survive even if her body had died? But then, Madam Pomfrey had managed to save her, making her the second living person to own a Horcrux, and the third to create it.

But how could it be? She remembered carrying the Slytherin Locket around her neck. She knew that it had changed her, that it kept feeding off of her emotions, making her miserable, angry and depressed all the time. She hadn't been able to cast a Patronus Charm while wearing it, actually none of them were. And the small hourglass, that had been hanging around her neck right now, seemed to have no effect on her. Its slow pulsation might have been a figment of her imagination, as it had no influence on her abilities to cast any charms at all.

How was it possible? Hermione could swear that her personality had been intact, even if she had become angrier and more sarcastic. Cosidering her situation, it seemed very justified. She didn't feel like a person, who was vile enough to intentionally split their soul in half. Immortality was not something she had ever wanted, or at least not in that literal form of it. She wanted to be remembered, to be praised for her achievements and the work she'd done, but never wanted to actually outlive everyone.

Hermione also knew that the only way to make someone’s soul whole again, was to feel remorse. She couldn’t exactly force herself to regret killing Bellatrix, but taking someone’s life, _anyone’s_ life was something horrible. There wasn’t a day when she hadn’t thought about it, nibbling at her lip and trying to stop the guilt from ruining her. If that wasn’t remorse, what was it? Apparently, it wasn’t strong enough to fix her soul. But why?

There were so many question floating in herm ind, and Hermione knew that there hadn't been a single person that would be able to answer them. It made her feel so horrible that she stepped out of the shower immediately, deciding that no water could cleanse her. She walked up to the mirror and wiped the steam from it, watching as a familiar face became more and more visible.

Same hair, same eyes, same nose and mouth. Nothing seemed to be different, but she could barely recognize herself in the reflection. She wiped her face with a towel and then glanced in the mirror once again, only to realise that the liquid running down her face was something more than just water. She was crying, shedding tears of agony and sorrow, that no one could ever ease.

* * *

"Ewan..." she whispered quietly, as she sat down next to his bed, looking at his pale face.

He seemed to be so peaceful. It hurt her even more to know that the reality was completely different. The boy had suffered terribly, as the curse that hit him caused his entire body to attack itself, forcing Ewan to endure agonizing pain.

It was really disturbing to know that curses like that one existed and weren't strictly forbidden, like the Unforgivables. She had no way of telling if it had been worse than the  _Cruciatus_ , but she would be glad to accept the pain if that meant sparing Ewan from feeling it.

Hermione squeezed her eyes shut, a shaky breath escaping her mouth. She told herself that she wouldn't be crying, but she simply couldn't keep her promise. Why was she able to feel this compassion? Why was she able to mourn the pain of others, when she was a monster?

"Hermione..." A hoarse whisper caught her attention, forcing her to open her eyes immediately. "What... What happened?"

"Merlin, you're alive," she cried out and started to sob uncontrollably.

"I told you... I'm no Mer-Merlin," he choked out in response, making her cry even more.

Madam Pomfrey run into the room, alarmed by her emotional outburst and rushed towards Ewan, after she realized what was going on.

"Miss Granger, step aside, please," the woman ordered and Hermione shifted, wrapping her arms around herself.

Ewan was awake and that meant that he had fought off the worst danger. Madam Pomfrey kept waving her wand over the his body, checking his vitals and every possible function, but a small smile tugging at her lips was enough to inform Hermione that she was right in her assumptions.

The nurse had left Ewan a couple of minutes later, forcing at least ten potions down his throat, making him scowl at their taste and groan out in disgust. Hermione watched this with a teary smile, revelling in the warmth that kept spreading throughout her body. Seeing Ewan's bright eyes was enough to lighten up her mood, even a little. Once Madam Pomfrey had left, Hermione approached the boy's bed once again and sat next to it, looking at him intently.

"You look terrible," Ewan stated, his voice much stronger than before, and Hermione looked down in guilt.

"Yeah, I know. I don't sleep much lately."

"How long was I out?"

"Couple of days. I was so worried. We all were."

"We?" the boy asked and frowned.

"Yes. The entire school is kind of devastated. Leslie included," Hermione informed him with a small smile, looking up for a second to check his reaction. "She was here with me, you know."

Ewan smiled widely, but it lasted only few seconds, before his brows furrowed, as he sent her a scrutinizing gaze.

"What happened?"

"You fell off your broom."

"Yes, but why am I even alive?" he shook his head, making Hermione sigh.

"I've saved you from the fall.  _Arresto Momentum,"_ she explained and looked at her hand that had been now entwined with Ewan's.

"Hermione..." he whispered with agitation lacing his voice, but the girl couldn't let him thank her.

"No, Ewan. It was my fault in the first place. You wouldn’t have been targeted if it wans’t for me."

Ewan opened his mouth, but then closed them, averting his gaze. Suddenly, he became very thoughtful, clearly remembering something from before his fall. A realisation dawned on him, and a gasp escaped his mouth. He squeezed her hand so hard that it hurt, but the pain meant nothing to her at that moment.

"Someone cursed me."

Hermione nodded, unable to say anything. She didn't want to look at him, but he forced her to, reaching for her face. His finger lifted up her chin, revealing guilt hiding in her eyes.

"It's not your fault, Hermione. Why would you even think so?"

"The curse that hit you... It was very dark, Ewan. And there are not many people who would be able to do that. I think it was a message. For me. They've hurt you because we're friends and I'm a Mud..."

"Don't call yourself that!" he scolded her with outrage, but his expression softened almost immediately. "You're my friend and you're a wonderful person. If anyone has troubles seeing it, they are completely blind. Or they've forgotten to take their heads out of their asses,” he added lightly, and Hermione smiled weakly, appreciating his efforts to cheer her up.

"This is not about me, Ewan. This is about you and your safety. I knew that making friends could be risky, but I didn't think that I would capture anyone's attention so fast. I shouldn't have let you get close to me."

"You're not my mother, Hermione and I'm perfectly able to make my own decisions. If I say that I'd rather be your friend and be in danger, than stay away and be a coward, I mean it."

Ewan's voice was firm, but it still wasn’t enough to convince her to change her mind. Not after her latest discovery. She didn't deserve his friendship, just as she didn't deserve anyone else's. And maybe that sounded like a pathetic excuse made by a coward, but deep down she knew that there was no way of telling if the effects of creating a Horcruc weren’t just postponed. Hermione could still turn into someone very terrible and that wasn't something she wanted anyone to witness.

"What happened, Hermione? I thought you were smarter than to pity yourself and push everyone away because  _you_ think it's the right thing to do. There must be something else that's bugging you."

Hermione bit her lip and closed her eyes, as a pang of pain stabbed her heart. Ewan was not stupid, he was a Ravenclaw after all. She should have known that he would be able to see past her superficial explanations.

"I have recently learned that something bad happened, before I got here," she murmured and inhaled deeply, trying to buy herself some time. "Something that turned me into a very, very bad person, Ewan. Someone, who's not exactly a friend material."

"What was it?"

"I can't tell you. If anyone finds out..."

She would be dead or imprisoned, before anyone could say 'Hogwarts'. Besides, the knowledge about the Horcruxes should stay hidden from as many people as possible. Maybe she didn’t dream about immortality, but there were people, who would do _anything_ to achieve it. Anything, including murdering innocent people.

"Fine. But if you claim that you have only learned about it recently, how could it suddenlt change you into a bad person? You weren't even aware of it, were you?" he asked and Hermione looked at him carefully.

"I've done something despicable. Not intentionally, but it happened nonetheless," she said, but Ewan didn't look convinced. "If you've killed someone by accident, you wouldn't be a murderer. But you would still be a killer. Even if you didn't mean for it to happen."

The boy's eyes widened as he stared at her with shock.

"You've killed someone?" he whispered, looking around to make sure that no one could hear him.

He didn't sound scared or disgusted, making Hermione look at him with her brows furrowed.

"What if I tell you that I have? Only it hasn't been an accident?"

Ewan fell silent for a moment, but then his gaze flickered to her forearm. Anger appeared on his face, but Hermione felt as though it wasn't directed at her actions.

"Your life had been pretty shite, Hermione. I don't know the whole story; you're very secretive about it. But this, I know... You have fought with all you had to save yourself, to get out of there alive. Even if you've kill someone intentionally, I know that it must have been a justified action. I also know for a fact, that you're not talking about taking someone's life. You can't do that with conviction and  _not_ be aware of it"

He was too smart for his own good. Hermione couldn't help, but to feel this magnetic pull towards him. Not as a man, but as a friend. His intelligence offered her a chance, an opportunity to share her burden with someone else. She had no doubts that Ewan would be able to understand her situation completely... He wasn't a bad person, his views were similar to her own. It would be so easy to entrust him with everything.

She couldn't do that though, no matter how appealing it sounded. Moody would tell her to keep her mouth shut, Dumbledore would strongly advise her against telling anyone the truth and her own mind seemed to agree with both of them. Her heart though... Her heart was bleeding even more than before.

"I really can't tell you, Ewan. Trust me when I say this, but some things are just too horrible to be spoken of. Which is why I still believe that it would be wise for you to stay away from me," she forced herself to say, making Ewan snort.

"I know that you have your secrets, Hermione. Unlike Black, I'm able to understand that you have to keep things away from me in order to protect people. I'm not blind, nor am I stupid. And maybe one day, not so far from today you will be able to come clean. Maybe after I've joined the Order," he muttered and then his expression softened. "But I won't let you push me away. I might not know everything, but I know that you need my support. The guilt that's eating you from the inside is not something you can face on your own. And you would be stupid to think otherwise."

With that, he squeezed her hand once again, destroying her defensive walls in a mere second. She started to cry, but this time she felt relieved. Her soul had been thorn, but maybe, just maybe, she still had a chance for a relatively normal life? After all, this was all she had left, as death would bring her no solace. She would be stuck in a Limbo, somewhere between Life and Death forever. Maybe she had to cherish whatever pleasures she had left, even if it was selfish. Why should she even care?

Miss Granger had a purpose and her Horcrux changed nothing in that matter. She could live with the inner torment, as long as it would allow her friends to survive. As long as it would change the outcome of war. And maybe… Maybe after she’d done her job, she would be able to believe that she wasn’t a monster. Maybe then, her soul could be fixed.


End file.
